I'm just going to say this: The concept of Marriage is a bit ridiculous. I have a hard time living with myself everyday. The idea of living with someone else for the rest of existence is actually pretty profound... let alone expecting someone to live with me for all their days!
Don't get me wrong - I honestly love my husband. He's a great guy, a strong man and an incredible father. We have been through a lot of life together... A LOT of life. We married when we were very young. When you are in love, you don't want to let it go. You want it forever, so you commit to, well, forever.
I couldn't imagine wanting to be with anyone else, and I didn't figure anybody could possibly deal with all my baggage and issues, either. Also, I figured we would both continue to change and grow, and I believed that we could easily support one another as we grew into mature adults.
We knew we would have struggles, but I also know we both had more optimism at the time. We didn't know that we would still live in the Midwest, that he would not land a job that pays him his creative worth, that I would have such difficulty finding my own role in the world. We didn't think that having a child would be nearly impossible for me. We didn't figure on having such large losses so early in life (unborn children and parents passing away).
Most people marry because they are either expected to (family, friends, society) or because it's included on that list of having a "happy, successful life." It isn't shocking to me that the rate of divorce continually fluctuates around 50%. Half, people. Half. Marriage is hard. After coordinating weddings for so many years, I literally saw how "the Day" became so much more the focus than the actual RELATIONSHIP. And once all the excitement, the plans and the sparkling sheen of a "new life" fade, that is when the actual work begins... and it doesn't stop.
No one is perfect, yet sometimes people think that someone else could be a solution to all of their own problems. Or they love someone, but he or she just needs to improve on "this" or should really do things like "that." Forget the fact that the other human being is just working on living... forget that he or she might have similar thoughts about the other partner, as well. It can all build up and giving up can be so easy, maybe even attractive... or "walking away" can seem like the only option for sanity and peace.
The biggest challenge with matrimony is that we are all pushing on every day just to find ourselves, fix ourselves, be content with ourselves. Social Media shows us how much "happier" others appear. Society has most of us competing for better homes, better cars, better clothing. We are all trying to be wealthy, sexy, secure ... and sometimes, you turn and wonder if the one you are married to doesn't share your path and goals anymore.
So how do "long marriages" work? My guess is the choices every day - that while you aren't the people you were when you said your vows, you are still individuals who care for each other and want to continue in this mad world together. Every single day.
In this crazy world, it's tough to find someone who understands all that you are enduring, while he or she is dealing with disappointments, challenges and goals, as well. If you can spend your days with somebody and, through it all, find the ability to laugh and enjoy the changes throughout your relationship, I think that could lead to a "successful" marriage. Time can only tell.
