Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Why We Continue: Seek the Benefits

I didn't move from Peoria because I was unhappy.  I adore my friends, I enjoyed my job, I loved being a "Dunlap Mom," I appreciated networking with the Peoria Chamber of Commerce, I was so excited to perform for The Peoria Ballet.  I sought to relocate to Austin for my husband to find work and provide my daughter more opportunities for her future.


And now, almost five months after leaving everyone I love, here we are in Texas.  My husband still is not employed, and my daughter isn't allowed to audition for the high school dance team until next November due to their strange policies.  Too often, I question what I have done.
 

There are still benefits from the major changes, though.  I have learned so much about myself.  Regardless of the set backs I suffered and the always-present self-doubt, I have succeeded over so many challenges that I have surprised myself.  Being new to the city, I have already met some incredible people and started some terrific friendships.  In a new position, I have slowly learned more about law, legal aid, hurricane disasters and Texans than I thought possible.


Thanks to social media, I am able to keep in touch with my friends and get to know new ones.  I have joined a private group of women all new to Austin, which is helpful to not feel alone in the transition.  Making such a huge change in your life is frightening and intimidating... but giving up and retreating home is terrifying to me in an entirely different way.  Growing and changing isn't easy.  If it were simple, anyone could do it at any time.


I don't have many regrets in my life.  Most are actually things I didn't have the courage to do.  And I don't regret moving to Austin.  Everyone has doubts, and as long as a lesson is presented, learning is a gift, which can sometimes be painful.  I am not one to give up - like, ever.  I move on, but I don't give up.  Not only am I continuously encouraged by some very dear friends (y'all know who you are!), but I am also getting motivated to achieve some new goals in the new year. 

It's a struggle - some days are a lot more difficult than others, but I am getting seriously inspired by all that is possible in 2018 and on!  "That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger!" 

Monday, December 4, 2017

Defining a Dream: aspiration, goal, aim

When I moved to Austin in August, I had a mission.  Creating a Facebook page, I documented my challenges, reflected on my goals, endured sorrow, felt happiness...  While I have learned a lot about myself, I also know I still have a long way to go.

The fact that has hit me the past couple weeks, however, is that I can't articulate any dreams or aspirations.  Aside from developing self-worth with a hope to end up liking myself, I don't have any goals that I would label with that word.

For years, I was able to perform my "dream job" as an event planning coordinator... but my career path was altered for income needs.  As I evolve in my abilities and talents, I am completely clueless as to what is next, if anything, when it comes to my employment.  Most of my jobs have just, sort of, happened.  In fact, most things in my life have just happened when I had the least expectations.  I haven't had those experiences of "going for it" and landing a dream gig or a perfect home.  My favorite roles, either took years to work out or were just incredibly difficult to finally happen.  Others that I yearned for just never panned out.

Establishing new steps the past few years has become holistic for me.  I have had to put myself out there, but not get my hopes up and be quite autonomous about the outcomes of job applications, interviews and places to live.  Throughout it all, I would remind myself not to become excited at the possibilities because of the chances of being selected are always unknown.

Yet, I feel I need - and should - have a drive to accomplish more than "figuring myself out" or "finding out who I am."  I do understand though, that what I am doing IS an incredible challenge.  It is continuing to be a big commitment to keep at it. 

Sometimes I am excited, while others, I just feel lost and powerless.  Which, I guess, is life.  "When nothing is certain, anything is possible."  I just need to establish a few fluid goals and perhaps my "dream" will show itself when it's time.

Friday, November 17, 2017

Final Changes

I am now officially a Texan.  I no longer have an address in Illinois.  My car has TX license plates, and I received my new Driver License in the mail this week at my newest Austin address.

Finality.  An irreversible ending.  There really is no going back.

When I think about all that has happened over the past three and a half months, I am overwhelmed.  In just fifteen weeks, I have enjoyed and suffered so much change.  From living in a house, moving into a studio, being forced to buy a new car, and settling in a two-bedroom apartment, I have learned new tasks at a new job and been able to meet pretty cool people.  Visiting so many places, I have experienced amazing food, fantastic drinks and interesting conversations with people.  A few fun nights dancing.  A hurricane weekend.  And I have been drained of so much money.  So. Much. Money.

But all of life comes with a cost, right?  Spend money to make money.  You can't take it with you.  Life is a journey - or a roller coaster... or a journey on a roller coaster.  We have all these quotes and philosophy, and when real shit happens - when you sell your home of over eight years: where you pictured your daughter graduating high school, the place where you celebrated so many awesome times with friends, yet a place of disappointments, loss and despair - it makes you think.

Where am I supposed to be?  What the hell am I supposed to be doing?  Am I happy?  Will I be happy?  What exactly IS happy?

I will continue to miss my hometown, my friends, my family, and my life.  At least, the life I had and where I thought I could go.  In August, I left all of it behind for new opportunities, lessons and adventures.  It has not been easy.  "Marni's Shit Show" entries were just highlights - no one was in it with me every single day.  I was alone.  Surviving with the goal of thriving, I am proud that I made it through everything.

Every day, I have had lessons to learn and re-learn when necessary.  Every week, I assessed the pros and cons of my accomplishments.  Every moment, I have been aware of my capabilities and my independence.  And I coached myself to push and get through it all.

So, with the completion of the sale of a house on Orchard Lane in Peoria, I am sad, but ready for the next phase(s).  I honestly have no idea what is in store in 2018, let alone the next few years, but I do know, 100%, that I can take life's challenges and I will come out on top.  If perspective has taught me anything, at least I'll be in a pretty good head-space.  I hope y'all will be there with me to laugh at the ridiculousness of my path and to toast to all the hurdles I have cleared.  Love to you all.

Sunday, October 22, 2017

The Only Thing Constant...

So - Friday's entry in my daily meditation book:
     I am a process.  Life is a process.  Alterations are part of the process.

This hits hard right now and I have been reflecting on it a lot.  Moving to North Austin for the high school of our choice (all three of us decided together for different reasons) is not easy for me.  I made my studio in South Central ATX my home.  I loved my commute.  Being in the center of all this city's energy was so amazing... but I didn't accept this job and relocate only for myself.

I have truly learned, however, that the only way I can be the greatest for everyone else is to take measures to make myself the best I can be, and a balance is necessary.  Compromise.  There has to be a solution.  I have stepped up to so many challenges in Texas and actually feel so different now, but a core piece of me is missing (other than my friends and family).

Since moving, I have really missed my fantastic experiences learning CIZE with Mary Maripat Hartman and The Fitness Marshall videos and live concert workouts.  I felt so incredible.  Relocating twice now, I haven't had many evenings free yet to try classes in Austin.  The two I have attended have been great, but now I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do with myself.

Timing classes in Austin is a hurdle - the traffic is never consistent, so I worry about scheduling (and paying) for classes if I am physically unable to get to them on time.  However, I have to make this a priority.  If I don't, I know that I will be consumed but anger, bitterness and regret.

Alterations.  Unlike clothing, with ourselves, these are on-going.  And sometimes, as soon as you find your groove, Karma comes in and shakes things up.  It seems pretty easy to become bitter and blame everyone and everything else for your "bad luck."  But that behavior doesn't make anything better.

Only you can change your own perspective.  I've always known this, but when you are sinking into a pit of despair and frustration, and you feel like you have no "fight" left... it's so difficult to see any chance of hope left.  Those are the testing moments.  The times that challenge your character.  You either quit and sulk, or you rise up and refuse to be brought down.

Obviously, I am not only talking about my need to make time in my schedule for a workout class... but, big or small, the way we spend our time either makes us happy or makes us miserable.  It is up to each of us.  While sometimes, we really are helpless - I cannot magically get a job offer for Chad, nor can I manifest the perfect person to buy our house in Illinois - other challenges give us a chance to examine our own power over situations. 
 
See the process and adjust yourself to the process, when possible.  Make the choice to do what you can, but also be patient and recognize that the right thing is on its way.  I have the choice to redirect my perspective and let go of what I cannot control.  It's difficult, yes, but feeling sorry for yourself doesn't make the situations change in your favor, either.  Finding peace with the things I am not able to fix is the only way to survive.  And the only thing constant is change, so while unhappy, knowing it cannot last forever - something is bound to shift - certainly helps sometimes!

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Have You Changed? I Have, and I Will.

It is my last night solo at my ATX studio apartment.  I did this.  I moved alone, to the coolest city.  I started a new job with new lingo, new acronyms, new co-workers.  I have made new friends, met new neighbors, visited new places, have had new experiences.
 
I have stepped into a new segment of my life.  I have changed.  I have developed a full understanding of the "unlearning" of all that you tried to be, that you never actually were - and were never supposed to be.

Unsure of the future, as we all really should be, at least I know I am able to handle unknown challenges.  I can do whatever needs to be done.  Apparently, I always could, I just didn't have to know my capabilities.

As I pack up the belongings I have enjoyed the past 10 weeks, I reflect on my mission of "Cook, Clear & Connect."  It's hard to gauge, but I believe it has been a success.

Chad seems impressed by my creative dishes and seems proud that I ate more than just hummus and queso in my time alone.

Still having a lot of self-doubt and negative thoughts about myself, I truly have become my own friend.  That. Is. Huge.  As with all relationships, I definitely need to keep nurturing and understanding, but I have come to realize that I am a pretty cool individual... most of which was visual to me due to my awesome friendships.  I have some epic people in my life who choose to spend time or chat with me - that means more than anything.  Helps me continue to believe in me.
 
Connect... again, a work in progress.  My spirituality has suffered so many struggles, and I know this will continue.  But looking to gratitude and opportunity makes such an incredible difference.  I no longer pray with my head bowed, but with my chin up, knowing that the Powers that Be are delivering lessons to me.  Whether I like them or not, each hurdle, each road block places me in the place where I am meant to be. I don't have to understand it.  Apparently, I don't need to like it (most the time I don't!)... but while I am only wrong two times per year, I get that I cannot plot out my own journey.  Life isn't meant to be that way.  I can only be an active participant and enjoy the ups and downs, knowing that I am capable of picking myself up and pushing myself forward during all the dark times.

Monday, October 9, 2017

Phase II of Moving to Austin -Adjustments Continue

This week, I leave my cool, little studio in South Austin.  We move my few items to the North for Hope to attend a high school that offers amazing pre-college courses in addition to her needed Literature, Orchestra and Drill Team (Dance Team) electives.
Most of me doesn't want to leave.  Besides enjoying a kick-ass commute and being able to walk to so many incredible places, I truly have enjoyed my time living here.
The neighbors have been terrific.  The laundry facilities literally right next door to me have been truly appreciated.  The security has been appreciated.  The palm tree... the word LOVE doesn't even describe.
Like my house in Peoria, I need to focus on what is yet to come rather than what I am leaving behind.
Pros and cons exist with every situation- and this is just another.  Even without a family, I know that this studio apartment wouldn't be my "dream home."  I don't ever want to own another 3-bedroom home, but I know this isn't my end-all, be-all address either.
The truth is - I don't know what I want. 
That used to frighten me.  Now, it empowers me.  I actually like not knowing what I want.  Yet - I love knowing what I do not want.
Confused yet??
I am in love with the possibilities.  And our world is full of them.  If we can just take a teensy step out of "comfort," we are introduced to such an incredible world.  And when fear hits us, which that bitch always will - that is our test.  Either we retract and "go home."  Or we find our courage and step up to the challenge.
I love living in Austin.  I miss my friends and my loves more than anything.  I have relationships in Central Illinois that will never be replaced.  Honestly, I don't want replacements.  I will carry that love and happiness with me for as long as I exist.  But I am enamored with the energy and the people of this city and state who I have been blessed to meet already.  -It's only been two months!
While the next move is a bit "uncomfortable," I am already prepared that nothing is permanent... especially with a 10-month lease! 

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Phase I to Phase II of Moving to Austin

Oh, the timing of it all... It would be so much easier for me to leave Illinois during the cold, bleak, dead winter months. Holding the resentment of my husband's lost employment... the bitterness of an area that could not support his talents and our career ambitions.  A place so cold that caused tension and pain in my body that made me cranky.

And I had to leave first - for some reason.  Yes, I found an employer providing me a better position, higher pay and better benefits while moving Chad to a city with far more opportunities in his industry (art and graphic design).  Yet, if he had moved before Hope and I, it would have been more obvious to blame him for this relocation, for uprooting our family and separating us from all that we love and enjoy.  This major shift in all our lives.

We have to do this as a team.  We need to support each other.  We must support one another in the transition.  It has actually been crucial for me to make the move first so that I could begin the second phase as a better, stronger, healthier version of myself - my ultimate self.

Just over fifty days, and I do not feel I am "there" quite yet - but I am learning, realizing, that maybe I won't ever get "there."  Perhaps I will remain a work in progress for all of my existence.  But as long as I am on the right track and stick to it, I think that's what matters. 

When I think about others I admire, I rarely respect people who have had everything handed to them.  I look up to the fighters - the ones who not only rose to challenges but continue to pull themselves back up, time and time, after every fall.  Those who continue driven to get what they want and push themselves toward what they want.

Those who, through their hard work, show gratitude for their opportunities, battles and even what appear to be "failures," and keep working to be their best.
 
That is ultimately what I want.  While this move has been so difficult, emotionally, physically, financially, and while I also understand I am still far from finished, my only regret is that I didn't take that First Step years ago.  But then, there are so many amazing, important, fun people that I have been blessed and honored to meet.  And, maybe I would not have the amount of appreciation for all of this that I am currently overtaken with at times.  Life can be a struggle, but oh my, it can have so much enjoyment, too!

Friday, September 1, 2017

First Time: AUS to ORD

Though it has only been one month, I actually don't like leaving Austin.  My extremely dear and fabulous friend Kelly told me that I am falling in love with this city... and I am. 
While I want so very, very much to be with my friends and family, I feel a connection to Austin that I cannot shake.
On the plane, I am looking through my "100 things to do" and tearing up because I am not there. So weird!!  This place wasn't even truly on my radar last spring, and now, I have a bond with this town. 
I guess it's the same with people- we are all just roaming around the planet... when we actually bump into someone and react with a "Hey! You are cool - how can I get to know you better?!" reaction, why the heck wouldn't we follow it?
People seem so scared to try things - so set in their Comfort Zones.  This is your one life, people -- make it YOURS.
Maybe you don't have to uproot and move a few hours away, but for the sake of everything, DO what you fear.  Tell people you care.  Apply for that job.  Sing in your car when a song you love plays.
I am not talking about a strong effort to change the world - I am encouraging you to upgrade your own environment.... and ya know, if enough of us do that, it WILL change the world.
Change... without fear. What does that look like to you?  It looks pretty kick ass to me.

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Say No to a Sweet - Just Once

"There will always be more cookies."  Not my most profound statement, but discussing health and eating habits a couple months ago with friends, this sentence just came out of my mouth... yet, it is SO true.

Whether you are battling weight, trying to maintain or facing health concerns, take a look at how you view food - especially snacks and treats.

I indulge.  I do.  Tempted by a warm chocolate chip cookie or a moist, dark chocolate brownie, damn, I can definitely enjoy myself.  But it doesn't happen every time.  Known as "the chocolate girl" when I was young, I have been able to change my relationship with desserts... and if I can do it, anyone can.  Call it willpower or self-discipline, but I think that it's just logic and reason.

For every occasion with a cake, there will be more celebrations with cake.  Say "no" just once.  See how it goes.  Remind yourself that there will be more cookies. More are made every day by companies and people.  Seriously - when was the last time you were in a grocery store or market and the aisles of baked goods were empty?  Even zombie apocalypse shows have baked goods still in them.  They are everywhere!

Now, if you find that you just cannot refrain - even once.  That this pastry in front of you is stronger than any care you have for yourself, take one bite and really focus on how it makes you feel.  If nothing else compares to the joy of the taste and the calories (and fat) are actually worth it, then own it.  Be happy.

Yet, if you find that you aren't even enjoying the flavor as much as the expectation, don't finish it.  Toss it.  We have been raised in a society that lectures us to not waste food, but if the satisfaction isn't legitimate, then we ARE wasting the food... and at our own personal value, as well.

I would rather feel a little guilty for throwing away part of a cookie than physically feel bad and finishing it.  There will be more cookies, and the appreciation will be so much more enjoyable when you don't partake every time.  Don't have the attitude of "I've said no three times, so I know deserve this."  Instead, take the power.  Look at the item and ask "Does this treat deserve ME?"

Please try, and let me know how it goes. 

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Facing your Demons

When I set out on this journey of living alone (pretty much for the first time ever), I knew there would be demons to face - wounds that appeared to be scarred over but were really just covered, not healed.

The big challenge with these demons is that they pop back up when you don't expect them.  They catch you unprepared.  Peacemaker and people-pleaser, I have been hurt by others, have breached forgiveness and tried my best to keep things smoothed over.  I have held back painful words as I didn't want to make things worse.  I now realize that isn't good for me, nor for the other person.

"Be a Lady until the end" is what my mom always said, and I excel at rising above and not stooping to anyone's level, but can't I still be feminine while stating the truth?  I want to know if I ever hurt anyone - it's the only way to work on improving.  So, isn't it also fair to me to enlighten others of their harmful behavior?  I didn't realize that perhaps they didn't know.  I just figured their actions and words were intentional and obvious.
 
Having the challenge of wanting everyone to like me, I have actually been disrespecting myself... and not liking myself.  Sometimes the truth hurts - it doesn't have to lead to an argument or destroy a relationship unless the other person is unwilling to accept their hurtful actions.  In which case, you obviously need to side with yourself - as that is who you are going to be with for the rest of your existence.

This is the "Clear" part of my Cook, Clear & Connect mission.  Your connection to self and spiritual guidance can't be as smooth if you have negativity clouding it.  Clearing can be painful and the main reason issues are covered is because they are difficult to confront and process.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Relationship Changes in Yourself

As my life has changed and my journey adjusted, I have constantly found frustration that I don't feel like I "know myself."  Recently, it occurred to me that maybe I don't have to know myself -maybe the point instead is being patient and learning about myself.

With friends, we don't know everything about them right away, it takes time for the relationship to develop and grow.  Sometimes years; other times, souls click quickly.  But as humans, we should want to continue to evolve... and at times, that can change your relationships in good ways or bad.

Thinking of myself as my own friend seems very odd.  I've read many (probably too many) inspirational, motivational and "self-help" books, but I don't feel like the messages sink in and take hold.  The big messages of loving yourself before you can love anyone else... I have just skirted through life ignoring all that.

But now, as I embark on a challenge of living alone after all these years, establishing myself in a town totally new to me and a career in a completely different realm, I am interested to learn about myself.  Find my soul and attempt a healing process.

I will be conducting my own personal take on "Eat, Pray, Love" and "Under the Tuscan Sun" during my solo time in Texas.  My mission will not mimic the paths of these amazing authors.  Instead, I am inspired by their discoveries. Once the page is ready, titled "Cook, Clear & Connect," I will share it so that you may Follow it, if you are interested.

In the meantime, please comment below or on Facebook what you have learned about yourself and any challenges that have led to your growth and change.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

Taking the First Step

I have worked hard to make a good life for myself in Peoria.  For a small town girl who had no desire to stay, I have come far. 
For all my accomplishments, I am proud, but I do hold sorrow that things for me rarely went as I planned, as I had hoped.

My excitement of the future, sadness in leaving, and fear of the unknown have me currently feeling quite insane.

It is so easy to stay.  Obviously, comfort zones are just that: comfort.  It takes courage to step out, to do something or things that maybe you never thought you could.  So many people stick to the mundane - It is simple to blame others and complain versus taking a risk.
 
One of my favorite quotes by Eleanor Roosevelt is 'You must do the thing you think you cannot do.' 

How else do we grow?  How else will you ever know what you can achieve and who you can truly be?

I held on to doubts for far too long based on judgements that were made on me, not by me.  Based on disbeliefs I was somehow taught, rather than those I have developed.

If in my own journey, I can rise above and believe in myself and in the power of opportunities,  I truly hope I can inspire you to do the same.

Reject the easy path. Say 'no' to the known and climb into the adventure instead.  No matter what, you will learn, change and grow from the experience.

Step one...

Monday, July 31, 2017

Okay... even Bigger Changes

"Everything's bigger in Texas," right?  Does that include Change?
  
I am moving.  I am leaving my life and all that I know.  I am expanding my career path, changing my address and pursuing great changes in myself.  I feel pretty insane.  My friends are the best.  Hope's involvement in Peoria Ballet Company and the Dunlap Dance Teams has been so incredible - I have loved so much of those experiences.  Stage experiences, coaching experiences, all of my volunteer efforts.  The amazing connections I have made with people and businesses.
  
However... there are new challenges and new moments of joy and success if I look to the opportunities rather than the losses.  Some are made by choice, but most changes are forced upon us. This situation is both - I did not choose for my husband's job to be eliminated from his company in January.  But I did choose to do something about it to help our family financially.

My new employment will move us to a better market for my husband's amazing and impressive talents.  As frightened as I am, my confidence in his abilities overshadows doubt.  We still have a long, long way to go, but each step must be taken at a time... with patience and faith, two characteristics that I typically lack.  The bigger the change, the more steps, more setbacks and more dedication required.
 
A quote by Danielle LaPorte was in my social media recently... "How deep change happens: It's not always the dramatic decisions.  It's after persistence, loss, rebuilding, devotion to what you deem meaningful." This adjustment is not something I can just tackle and celebrate victory.  It is going to take a lot of endurance.  I will appreciate any and all support and encouragement, yet I know that I will not be able to rely completely on that.  I am on my own, at least at first. 

Our home will be put up for sale this week and my family will join me in Texas once other pieces fall into place.  In that time, I will be working on self-improvement initiatives and self reliance in a new city, while also researching school districts and mastering a new role in a completely different work environment.  Please follow my journey and provide any feedback possible.  It will mean the world to me.

Saturday, July 1, 2017

Travel Perspective

One year ago, I adventured on my first "Girls Trip" - which is sort of a half truth - as I embarked on a flight to Las Vegas solo to visit my high school "bestie" at her house.

Even with delays, a major lack of customer service, surprise "pat downs" because of the jewels on my shirt, I do love to travel.

I will say, however, my horrible experiences with Allegiant Air did actually restore my faith in good people as well.  Meeting others in my ridiculous situation and being able to laugh together about an additional delay because a lavatory wasn't emptied during the 12 hours it sat at PIA (after our initial delays) led to bonding.

In a world when most people stare at their phones and avoid eye contact, the travel issues and overall hatred toward Allegiant provided reasons to interact and get to know each other.  It was incredible.

I love random conversations, too.  I enjoy being reminded that there are millions of people in the world - so many of them are amazingly interesting and cool.

Travel reminds me that while I think my challenges are large enough to consume me, I am just a speck on this huge planet. Taking any moment to escape the norm, explore cities, learn about other diverse people and the landscapes they know... that is what I love.

So, one year later, financial circumstances have shut down my ability to travel at this time.  Never again via Allegiant, but I yearn to do it again... one day.


Monday, May 22, 2017

Bid Farewell to Expectations

We have all suffered heartbreak and disappointment.  Rejection hurts, and I'm not sure it ever gets easier.  With all these people roaming our planet, we are blessed to encounter kindred spirits and soul mates.  Unfortunately, we meet people who also are some sort of "life lesson" that we may or may not ever understand.  People that we believe in and want in our lives, but it doesn't always work out.

It's not always the person that is what we miss so much, though.  We miss the expectations and the excitement... the "what could have been."  The person is just a person - it's the filter that we used to view them that we need to change in order to heal.

However exciting or attractive or happy this person caused us to feel... we are still the same.  We didn't change.  Yet, after being hurt or neglected or turned down, we feel less worthy, less appealing, less confident.  When they pull their interest or support away, we tend to think that it was something we did or something they learned about us that they didn't like.  But it isn't us - it is them.

We are still the awesome, incredible individuals that we were when they entered our lives.  We allowed them to control our feelings.  With or without intent, we handed over our power.  We made them important because we liked, maybe even obsessed over where we imagined the relationship progressing.  The possibilities keep us attracted and sometimes blind us.

But they fell short.  That isn't our fault, but we do have the abilities to take back our control of our thought patterns and move on.  Get the filter off of what the imagination made us see and believe. Sometimes the truth hurts because the reality is so disappointing compared to the initial thoughts.

Expectations can be land mines... try to instead focus on moments as they are.  Enjoy them without placing too much invested emotions on where it could lead.  Just savor.  If the other person is scared or for whatever reason cannot cherish time spent with you, shift your perspective back to you.  Know that you deserve better.

Removing the lens hurts, and it can be a long, difficult, sad process.  But when you know you are doing it so that your own self-value can shine, it helps.  Remember that your view is up to YOU. While others can (and will) let you down, you have the ability to change your perspective and thoughts.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Walking Away

"When self-respect takes its rightful place in the psyche of a woman, she will not allow herself to be manipulated by anyone."  -Indira Mahindra

The human's "fight or flight" response was first described by Walter Bradford Cannon as a physiological reaction that occurs in response to our feelings of attack or stress.  But where does the act of just walking away become an option?

Since high school, I have been judged as "running away" from my problems.  Yes, I moved the middle of my Junior year to escape a toxic household, but I did so for my own psychiatric health and stability.  Of course I have changed jobs when I felt that I was no longer appreciated or wanted to stretch my talents and abilities... sometimes both.  I have had to walk away from friendships and relationships that were damaging to my self-esteem.  Running away to avoid difficulty is a lot easier than walking away.

I believe when you feel disrespected and you just can't handle it any more, sometimes just removing yourself from a negative situation is truly the best option.  You choose your battles, but some situations you can just feel don't hold enough value for the "fight."  Your time is precious.  If your expectations are continually resulting in disappointment or hurt, it means a change must be made.  To me, that indicates the difference of running away in fear or walking away with dignity.  It's about your self-value, not about being scared of conflict.  In fact, it takes courage and strength - especially if you want to stay.  Everyone has their opinion, but you just have to do what you feel is right for yourself.  You live with yourself, for yourself, so your feedback is what has to matter the most.

In the end, the truth is eventually revealed.  It can be heartbreaking that what you have been working towards or truly enjoying just isn't adding value to your life.  Other times, you can see that your efforts just are not going to be enough, no matter what you do.

While running away is a "flight," walking away can be empowering.  Especially if you can focus on what you are now heading toward and disregard what you are leaving behind.  Moving forward requires exactly that: continuing in a better direction.