Changes in Motion

Schedule Change

2011-08-13T10:01:00.000-07:00

A new school year begins for my daughter this week. Fourth grade. We all wonder, "Where did the time go?" We should, however, be asking ourselves, "Have we been spending our time wisely?"

Far too often I hear people say "I just don't have time." Yes, you do. Honestly, time is all that we do have. It's all about how we spend it, and yes, how we choose to spend it.

Are you wasting your time? If you find yourself complaining about being "too busy" - perhaps it's time to implement change. If you don't think you have any control, then you need to realize that you do have a choice and embrace it.

Most of us with full calendars are overwhelmed because we have difficulty saying that small-but-seemingly-huge word NO. We need to be honest that we cannot do it all. Even if we want to. There is no weakness to admitting that we can't be there for everyone or manage every aspect. Weakness is shown, however, when we run behind or forget something because we are in fact too weak to say no.

The past few weeks, I have let myself worry and lose sleep trying to make all Hope's activities this Fall work together... to fit into a schedule. Reality check: I can't. Classes, practices, rehearsals are all out of my control. It makes me sad that Hope will have to say "no" to a couple of her favorite things this school year. Yet, I also realize this will give her training and knowledge that she can't "do it all" either.

Eventually, we are forced to say no at some point. We then need to make sure we decline the appropriate things so that we can stay true to ourselves. "Do what you like, like what you do" (Live is good motto: www.lifeisgood.com). Life with less regrets. It is our time, and "should have, could have" is a waste of it.

Change your schedule - change that automatic reaction of over-committing and trying to please everyone but yourself. When you do that, you can change from being "too busy" to simply already having plans... which is a far better feeling and much more positive attitude.

I'm looking at this week, looking toward my family's new school-year schedule. While it's not set yet, I know that changes will pop up that I cannot control. It's okay - I can make adjustments that work for me and work for us. I do not have to do it all - but I can choose the possibilities and do what I can.

A Lot Can Happen in a Year...

2011-04-14T18:38:00.000-07:00

April 30 will mark the anniversary of Chad losing his full-time job. This past year has been full of new challenges.

Trying to be optimistic, I am attempting to focus on surpassing all the new changes. Good and bad, a lot has happened in the past year. Special people have passed away; babies have been born; seasons have come and gone... but ultimately, some very core things for me are just, well - different.

Friends have disappointed me, surprisingly so. Employers have disrespected me, but honestly, I probably should have expected. But in the sadness, some people have surfaced in my life bringing me new-found hope. Some relationships have strengthened, giving me encouragement and joy.

Resistance to change is what frustrates us. When we can focus our energy on the positive improvements, we can have faith that all things happen for a reason and that everything really will be okay. I am still adjusting - not having steady, predictable income to pay bills and save for big-ticket items or vacations does drive me insane. However, fighting it doesn't help. So, I continue to reflect on all the terrific things that have occurred in the past twelve months and trust in the future.

That in itself helps me look forward to the next twelve months... and on. There will be more difficulties, but there will also be more celebrations. Soaking up the fun moments helps us all get through the complicated times.

Some Things Never Change...

2010-11-09T11:20:00.000-08:00

This year's Election Day led to voiced criticism that President Obama has not lived up to the Change and Hope he promised. It got me thinking about the impact one person can have.

The catch about improving a government... or a business... or a family is that you can't change people.

You can try to motivate and encourage, but changes can only happen by individuals who want better - people who are willing to work at it every day. Groups that all see the same desired goal and each do their part to achieve it.

How can things change if you are the only one who sees the great need? How can one inspire all the others to change? Most importantly - what do you do when all efforts fail and nothing seems to ever change?

It is hard for some of us to give up. Especially when your belief can be so large, so passionate. Yet, sometimes letting go of the vision you have is the only option.

Obviously, I am not Barack Obama. I wish I could stay positive in the face of challenge and harsh resistance. There are, however, also important lessons in these situations. Accepting what cannot or will not change... taking the positives that can be discovered... limiting your exposure and focusing attention and efforts elsewhere.

While you are not able to change others, you can make adjustments to yourself. Some things never change, but we can choose not to be one of those things. We can be better, working from the inside out.

Change of Employment

2010-09-03T08:43:00.000-07:00

Whether you lose a job, quit, get downsized, relocate... changing jobs is challenging.

My husband lost his full-time employment because his company needed to save money and could not afford to keep the Creative Department staffed. I lost my job because I worked too hard to save my company money.

Whatever the reason you lose or leave a job, it gives you something money cannot buy: reflection. It's a perfect time to evaluate your role, your goals, your motivation... and look to your next step.

I do believe that all things happen for a reason. Also, as long as I learn from the experience, what happens cannot be a mistake. The key is learning from it. Some lessons teach you right away, while others can take months or years. (For example, I still don't have a full understanding of why our move to Chicago did not succeed.)

For my recent job, I knew it wasn't perfect for me. I knew I wanted more... I hesitated on it for months. It appeared to be a good opportunity, and I thought I could make a difference. I was encouraged by someone I admire and took a chance.

I have already realized things I have learned from this, and I know I have a few more revelations about it that are still pending. Holding true to myself, I am praying that it helps me grow and move on to a place where I can flourish. A place where I will undoubtedly learn new lessons, and hopefully not have to repeat others.

Life is a journey, not a destination... and sometimes we have to change our direction.

Changes in Routine

2010-07-12T19:04:00.001-07:00

Some of us rely on routines. Schedules of a day help structure and guide our expectations. Others are better with flexibility and spontaneous activity. Though I admire the abilities of the latter, I am of the first group.

Chad lost his full-time employment approximately one month before Summer Vacation. It is mid-July and my "routine" has still not found ground. I cut back my work hours to balance being a Mom and responsible employee (before Chad's loss of employment)... but with work schedules changing and some questionable Central Illinois weather, that has been easier said than done!

Adjusting to new schedules can be stressful, can seem crazy - but as long as I know what is expected, I find the shift far easier.

Things are not always foreseen - and that is the true life lesson of it all. How to just roll with things though they may not coincide with your plan. I'm trying to have patience and hold on to hope for our situation. This certainly is not the first time we have hit a challenging portion of life. And it will not be the last.

As my favorite author states "A Lesson is Repeated Until Learned." Life is, after all, continual learning.

Spare Change?

2010-04-28T13:12:00.001-07:00

I love this phrase - it reminds me of being in England. I wanted to give all our travel money to the homeless. They were so polite and proper in their, "Spare Change, Sir?" requests. Before our trip, I was informed by a friend not to give change to these people. I wast told the UK government provides a lot to them, so I should not feel guilty not contributing my own finances. It's a bittersweet blend of memories... and fyi, I didn't always take my friend's advice. My heart won, over my head, at times.

So - how does one decide where to put "spare change?" Of course, you can always horde it all yourself. Bulk up for that big, fat savings and hope that by the time you retire (people still do that, right?), you'll not have a care in the world.

But is that rewarding? Does that ultimately make you feel good? Is that "what Jesus would do?" I don't think so.

I wish I had far more money - not only because it would be nice to drive a car that I actually like, but because I feel there are so many good causes that need financial help. And even more seem in need in this economy.

Admittedly, I am a bit stressed by the requests for donations that Hope brings home from her school. It seems each week we are being asked to support something. We can't do it all.

I have to pick the causes that I believe in. Whole-heartedly. And I give as much as we can. A challenge is when I am giving to a cause that others don't support - and they say so. That's tough. Granted, we are all human and we obviously aren't going to all agree. But I take offense to someone responding with "I don't 'do' that" when it regards breast cancer... as much as "We ain't doing that" when it comes to supporting the not-for-profit local ballet company in Peoria.

You are welcome to disagree - but don't be snobby about it... and for the Lord's sake, use proper grammar! As, it WILL affect where else I spend my spare change. Like the above treatment from Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory: I will now go directly to Fannie May Candies or pick up more Ghirardelli bars at the grocery store when in a pinch for chocolate. Chad and I have already begun planning how to create our own caramel apples this Fall, too!

What do you believe in? And what do you do to show for it? Money is the obvious way, but for those with restricted funds, go DO something. Collect others' change and donate it physically. Take extra food to a shelter when something you buy is on sale at the store. Donate items to Goodwill - don't just pitch the shoes in the trash if they are still wearable.

By actions, you inflict CHANGE. Good or bad. By donating, you encourage CHANGE... so do it for a good cause. Every coin counts as much as the way that you present it.

Change the Clocks!

2010-03-11T06:41:00.000-08:00

This weekend is Daylight Saving Time - that special time of year when we run around the house changing all the clocks one hour ahead. The minute you think you have them all accurate, you find one that still needs an update. Don't forget the one in the car. And now we have to also remember that the smarter clocks change themselves. Ah, technology.

I used to hate Daylight Saving Time. Losing that one precious hour would throw me off until Autumn... when we scramble to update all the clocks once again. We get so giddy about having an "extra hour" in the Fall that we don't realize we probably use all sixty minutes doing this time-change dance each year.

When was the last time you heard of a "drive" for plastics, rubber or newspaper? Clothing designs in the 1940's were altered to reduce "trimmings" so that America wasn't generating unnecessary waste of materials. As conservation efforts for wars have been disregarded, I admit I'm confused why our country still practices this ritual. (Except Arizona, which must still have confusion when calling people in other states.)

Maybe our government leaders just insist on messing with the inner clocks of today's kids since they endured it and survived. Maybe a bill can't be passed to stop the clock shuffles because getting anything passed in D.C. is such a challenge. Or maybe they can't all agree on that either!

However boggled my mind gets on why we do the things we do, now that I'm typically up before sunrise and I yearn to be outside as long as possible - and I just hate being cold - changing my clocks an hour ahead is a chore I now look forward to doing.

More daylight hours means more sunlight and more warmth. Warmth outside, inside and on the deck.

I now love to change the clocks. It symbolizes the changing seasons. Though I am not an advocate of Winter, I am assured that the sun is returning and all will be well again. It is the promise of renewal and reminds me that even cold temperatures, in time, shall pass.

Changing a Path

2010-03-03T05:50:00.000-08:00

Give a child the world, and he will grab it with both hands, right?

If two babies are born at the same time - but one has wealthy parents while the other is poor - which one will be successful in life? Of course, that depends a lot on how you view "success." Logic would lead you to believe that money buys what is needed for success... but money can't pay for success any more than it can solely purchase stability, class or happiness. Sure, it makes things easier - how could it not? But does an easy life guarantee a successful path?

Do the expensive exercise plans always lead to success? If two people start the same diet plan, regardless of cost, do they both stick with it?

The difference is motivation. One would guess that motivated adults typically bring up motivated children. Not always true. Motivation is something that has to come from within. Rich or poor, one has to want something so much to do what it takes every day to make it happen.

The best teachers, bosses and even friends have a natural way to encourage others to be or to do their best. I love people like that. Sadly, I am not one of them, but I try to surround myself with them in hopes of learning.

Different things motivate everyone. But you can't influence someone who refuses - sometimes that can backfire. Several people I care about are dealing with family members who are not performing at their best. You can't change someone else - you can only change how you react and respond.

I have an eight-year-old daughter. I have (hopefully) barely lived half my life here on Earth. I do not have life's answers, but I have learned "how not to be" as much as I have from good examples of what I strive to be. The majority of my opinions and thoughts are based upon my own experiences. Parents are supposed to be teachers, not servants, not assistants and not crutches. The job of a parent is to prepare children for life. Real life. Joys as well as disappointments; triumphs as much as challenges.

Bailing out others and enabling them to continue to fail doesn't work. If there is no fear of consequences, behavior won't change. Telling someone she will never succeed doesn't work either - that just lays the path for failure most times. I try to find balance but keep in mind that everyone is different. I've learned the major key, as well, is following through. Too many parents and too many people threaten something, and then cave and don't do it.

Guiding is hard. Guiding is work. But guiding is rewarding. What guides you? What can you do to guide others? And are you guiding them to the right places the right way? Can they change their own path? Can they find their own motivation? What can you do about it... or what do you need to leave alone?

I think of toddlers learning to walk. They stumble, they fall, they -of course- walk to the things they aren't supposed to. But you can't catch them every time. And you can only redirect them so many times before you must let them learn on their own. Motivate and encourage from the sidelines and hope that they find it in themselves.

Change Your Mind?

2010-02-04T08:22:00.001-08:00

I hate that phrase. Physically, you cannot alter your mind. You can try. You can tell yourself to be different, read daily affirmations, use medications... and those things may or may not work. But what really happens is that your opinions can alter.

In my own experience, the more I attempt to change my own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, the more I am reminded as to why I had the original opinion in the first place. (For example, someone you really try to like - but their bitter personality continues to push you away.) Conversely, I have been somewhat shocked to know that after holding judgment against something for a long time, I didn't feel strongly about any longer. In some instances, I realized that I even began to agree. (I could use several big, big examples here, but I will just go with food. As a kid, I just couldn't eat salad - now I put extra lettuce, slaw, etc on everything!)

Politicians get reamed for changing their opinions... they get accused of flip-flopping, being deceitful, labeled a fraud. Friends can change in a moment because one situation can bring out something in them that you had not seen before. Think about how many people are in your life because your opinions differ on every topic. I'm guessing there are not many - if you are living your life truly. (We all know there are those who ride coattails and may go along with someone else for fear of rejection. I'm also pretty confident that those people aren't reading this... and if they are, they wouldn't admit it anyway.)

The challenge arises if you are forced to make a choice - one that you felt one way about at first, one that when you are forced to make it again, you feel differently. Think of that one dominant friend in middle school who basically said, "If you are friends with HER, than you are not my friend!"

At the times when I have realized that my opinion has changed, I feel bittersweet. I am proud that I have grown as a person and that my experiences have opened me up to know that there are other ways to feel about something. Yet, I do feel a little sad for the naive part of me that is gone.

It's also important to realize that situations you have endured, others have not faced. The word "ignorance" plays a part again here. Not to be insulting, but the word actually means "a lack of knowledge." The person who has never been in a car accident cannot relate to what it is like. They can imagine it, but they are unaware of the feelings, the thoughts, the results.

Judging others is pretty simple. Anyone can say that "If I were him..." But the truth is we are each made up of our own opinions and feelings based upon our experiences. We don't control what alters them, but we can control how we act based upon those changes. We can choose to open our minds to what someone else has endured - or we can lock ourselves into our own lives and refuse to see others' points of view. Before refusing to "change your mind" about something, give it some thought to see if your opinions are still so solid. You might be surprised.

Changing Jobs...

2010-01-19T06:36:00.000-08:00

Recent articles have published various percentages of American employees being unhappy in their current jobs. The range is 43% to 67%... so we can safely say "about half."

Granted, in this economy, one is lucky to still hold a job. But are you lucky if you hate what you're doing, or where you are working or the people that surround you in your job? What can you do about it?

A revolution of unhappy workers leaving and standing up for something better seems like a preposterous idea (and makes me think of the "Everybody Hurts" video by R.E.M.). Powerful, yes; realistic, sadly no. You certainly can't change others to make you happy nor can you change your entire work surroundings. The only thing you can control the change of is you.

From someone who has changed jobs more than anything else in my life, it's scary, but it is possible. You don't have to quit your current job to find another - but you do have to put yourself out there - again and again.

And if you have lost your job, take it as an opportunity to be more selective with the next role you step into. When bills are stacking up and pressure's on, I know that is a difficult attitude to have, but try. Don't forget that you do have the power to decide what you do every day. Too many people feel trapped - and it shows.

In the meantime, focus on the things about your current job that you DO enjoy. The things that made you agree to be an employee there in the first place. There is a lot of truth to the phrase "want what you have so that you have what you want." Doors open when you aren't looking at them.

Try not to fall into this statistic - it doesn't seem at all a good place to be. Especially when the typical worker spends so many more waking hours at work than at home.

When Changes Suck...

2010-01-06T05:29:00.000-08:00

Is that when you grab a lolly-pop?
See a change you want, and you view it as an opportunity. Have one thrown upon you that you do not want, and you feel oppressed. It's a matter of control.

Most people cannot control the changes that others impose. I'm one of those people. I lack authority and therefore lack influence as well. My opinions probably matter to about three people... maybe five.

The challenge is taking the changes that others make, the ones I do not want, and creating them into opportunities. That requires a lot of optimism and motivation. And putting up with and creating your own bullshit.

Let's be honest. It's about perspective. Sometimes changing your own views (which can involve fooling yourself) can be fairly simple. At those times, I sort of pretend that I don't know all the details. "Ignorance is bliss" is NOT just a phrase.

After years of still learning about myself, I admit it: I am a control freak. I don't want to be a dictator or rule over others, but I only feel good when I know what is going on. When I know expectations and results. I can enjoy improvements completely, but set-backs can freak me out and frustrate me thoroughly. Finding the energy to look on the bright side, make lemonade of lemons and all that crap overwhelms me most the time. I was not built with any optimistic DNA.

"Things work out for the best." Or is that just a lie we tell ourselves to get us through whatever we are up against? There are days I just want to give up. There are days I feel like all that I've tried and achieved doesn't seem to matter. There are days I just don't know what to do or wonder if I WANT to try to do any more.

Is that giving up my control? Maybe my second cup of coffee this morning will provide some answers. Ah, ignorance IS bliss - but coffee and chocolate can always help.

Changing Your Habits

2009-12-30T13:45:00.000-08:00

New Year's Day is arriving. The day recognized to alter habits. New goals and new challenges for a new year.

Tell me I "should" do something, I will immediately not want to do it. Telling myself not to do something, makes it so much more attractive. I don't diet. That is disaster waiting to happen in my opinion and my experience.

Instead, I try to replace bad habits with healthier options. I find that gradual change is an easier change for me. Someone once said to me that "if you do something three times in a row, it can become habit." The trick is doing (or not doing) something so that it becomes automatic. Dictionary.com defines "habit" as just that: an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary.

Prime example: the week of Halloween, I decided that I need to drink less in alcoholic beverages. It's not that I am dependent upon drinking to get through my days or nights... it is just a goal I set and something I wanted to do. I just drink more water and drinking more of something else fills your time (and your tummy). The next thing I knew, I was drinking less wine.

It also makes my fun drinks more rewarding. I appreciate it more. It could even be "reverse-psychology" because I did say to myself that if I can't cut down, I should probably cut it out completely.

As far as foods go, I have found if the fattening foods and sweets aren't in the house, it's far more challenging to eat them! It doesn't mean that I never eat them - especially at THIS time of the year! But Chad and I have found that moderation is the key. Again, with MY personality, if I told myself I would never enjoy chocolate chip cookies or garlic smashed potatoes again, I would specifically desire the two!

So as 2010 approaches, I of course need new goals for myself. It's helpful, too, to look back at what one has accomplished in the past year. It can be encouraging and useful for redirecting in the new year.

Don't be one of those people who say "I'm going to drop 20 pounds this year!!" Make your goals more realistic. If it works for you, you can make it a changing question. Instead you could ask "How can I lose two pounds this month?" "I'll eat salad for lunch twice a week this month." That way if you don't meet your goal the first month, you can either adjust your expectations for the next month or tighten your goal. If your personality suits it, do your challenges each week instead. The logic is, if you can eat a healthy alternative twice a week, increase it to three times a week, etc. In looking at it this way, you also aren't suffering or "starving."

I agree with my friend Amy, who states she doesn't make "resolutions." I prefer to hold them as goals. I don't "resolve" to do anything in the next twelve months, but I will have personal goals and rewards for myself. The improvements (we hope) are in the process of the change. That is, after all, the point.

My personal list isn't finished yet for "Twenty-Ten." I know I want to continue my food-and-beverage plan. I want to increase my running distance. I need to cross-train with another activity. I want to be a great wife and companion to Chad. I want to be a good parent to a marvelous little girl who is turning 8 years old. I will continue to strive to be a reliable and fun friend. I want to participate more in community events and support more local talents. My biggest improvement goal will be in employment. I am working to fine-tune my position and define the areas where I can provide the best use of my talents and abilities.

New Year. New milestones. New achievements. Change is good.
Cheers!!

Change the Menu

2009-11-19T06:47:00.000-08:00

I am very thankful... and I love Thanksgiving.

My husband loves to cook, and he is amazing at doing so! Thanksgiving is our holiday of comfort food, spending family time together and - of course - the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade!

Thanksgiving used to be hectic. We would rush from my family's dinner to Chad's family's dinner. We had no time to relax and catch up, and frankly, it was pretty exhausting.

I'm not judging anyone who currently goes through this schedule on Thanksgiving... unfortunately, it's become quite "normal" for the holiday. And some of my friends even enjoy the hustle, bustle and rush.

Growing up, Thanksgiving dinners included turkey, mashed potatoes, and naturally, green bean casserole. However, as I grew older and enjoyed more interesting side dishes, I began to wonder why sometimes people fall into habits of the menu. Do they get lazy? Are they afraid to try something new? Would it destroy the timeline to have everything on the table at once? Do they enjoy cooking or has it become just a labor that they do?

Since there are three of us, we don't have to buy the "big bird." Chad buys a turkey breast, de-bones it (I swear, I am also thankful I did not grow up on a farm!) and stuffs it. The favourites are smoked gouda, proscuitto and asparagus. Honestly, I don't know what any of our grandmothers think about this. My maternal grandma ate it with us one Thanksgiving and did say that it was good... but I know our families think we're a little "fancy" with food sometimes.

So here's the thing - I challenge any Thanksgiving hosts/hostesses out there to try something new this holiday. I'm not saying to alter your entire feast menu - but just one new side dish. It helps you celebrate thankfulness and fun for the holiday. And if it doesn't turn out to be a hit, pitch it and grab a can or two of green beans.

Don't get to cook for the dinner? Bring a new dessert... or shake things up with a cocktail or bottle of wine.

Thanksgiving is about fun and family. How can you change your "menu" and enjoy celebrating all that we have with those that you love?

What's Next?

2009-10-28T05:55:00.000-07:00

Some changes are rapid. Some seem to take ages for adjustment. And several feel like they will never be finished!

Now that the major updates to our mudroom (or "anti-mud room" as I am now calling it) are done, some friends have started asking, "What's next?"

The thing is - our previous projects are not even fully complete yet. Little tasks remain for the master bedroom, the "anti-mud room," the living room, the eat-in kitchen area... We now have new carpet in the other two bedrooms, but the guest room still needs that all-important fixture: a bed! The pantry is completed, however, and I am loving it! But we do have several things to wrap up.

In addition to running out of funds for our insane list of home updates, the Christmas season is approaching. Priorities are adjusting due to money.

While we assess "what is next," I am looking forward to some cozy, relaxed nights. Warm meals on cold nights with time to enjoy the work that we have accomplished so far... And, of course, make lists of what yet needs to be done.

Heaven knows the dining room fireplace is aching, begging and sometimes I know I hear it screaming for change. I'm sure we won't let it suffer much longer.

Change of Scenery

2009-10-14T09:42:00.000-07:00

What is it about travel? A change of scenery can change your perspective. Getting out of your typical routines and problems can change your focus. And sometimes, you just need a break!

Chad and I tend to travel to larger cities that have more to see and to do than Peoria... yet we relax in these environments.

I think we are better able to let go of the problems and challenges we face everyday because they fade in comparison to how large the world is. When we travel, I witness people who have far more than we have, but also people who have much less.

Traveling opens my eyes to so many possibilities. It reminds me that choices result in the changes your life takes, the form of your existence. It makes me feel smaller yet stronger. The world is huge, and there are so many things that can capture your interest and abilities if you just let them.

New York City is enlightening to me. Maybe it's because of all the culture and the constant activity. Maybe it's because of the history and the incredible amounts of immigrants who approached our country for better opportunities. Maybe it's because we get to visit family members who live there and we get a glimpse of the city through their eyes.

I believe it is because of all these reasons and more - wrapped up into one marvelous long weekend.

I am at a crossroads in my life, but I live in Peoria and capable of making things happen. Seeing others, strangers as well as those I love, move on, grow and endure great changes to do so is inspirational. It may not be my time right now to change cities, but I can benefit from the possibility that it may happen someday.

Changes are constant in everyone's life, whether they are chosen or not. Witnessing people leave behind families and friends, risking everything, it helps me believe that I can continue as well. I also gain appreciation for what I do have and that I am able to strive for more.

Change Your Locks

2009-10-06T06:13:00.000-07:00

Last week, I was sternly informed by my seven year old daughter not to call myself "stupid." "Idiot" is not allowed, either... nor the many more profane descriptions that were swirling around in my head that (thankfully!) did not escape my mouth in front of her.

My husband was in California on business, and on the day of his return, I locked us out of our house.

Ironic since I had left to pick up my daughter from school, get her changed for her ballet class and pack the prepared snacks for the car trip from dance to her Brownie meeting. I was feeling pretty good about handling such a day "all on my own." His flight wasn't due to arrive until 11 P.M. that night.

Is it that these things really do happen when you're feeling at your best - or is it just that they are so much more noticeable? Like red stoplights when you are driving in a hurry. When you aren't late, the green lights aren't nearly as appreciated... they just are what they are, green.

Hope helped me deal with the situation. She was quite matter-of-fact and very supportive... of course, that did not stop her from telling everyone we encountered how foolish her mother had been. (It's okay - I'm laughing about it now.)

We discussed the ability to cope, problem solve and deal with not being able to control a situation. It also led to us talking about homeless people - those who live in cars when they have to, as well as those who don't even own the luxury of a car. It ended up being a life lesson, and we spent some quality time together.

Her words have echoed in my mind since that day, however. I've been reflecting on the negative messages our brains send to the subconscious (stupid, foolish, dumb), and how their impact affects me so much more than positives (pride, triumph, success).

Most of it is due to my personality, but I do seem to openly welcome negative feedback and tend to lock out positive. I'm a hypocrite. I am striving to teach my little girl to be confident and proud, while I shut out those messages to myself. Mistakes happen. I believe that as long as you learn from it, a mistake is just a lesson that has caught you off-guard.

Once back inside, I distinctly grabbed the spare keys and vowed never to do that again. This also has me wanting to change the locks on my psyche. To be an example to my daughter, I do need to practice what I preach. It requires a lot of work - I wish I could just phone a Locksmith. However, like locking yourself out of the house, sometimes the greatest lessons are the hardest to endure. It also requires patience and being aware of a lack of control. At least I can practice this inside, enjoying the comforts of my home.

Change of Address

2009-09-29T11:45:00.000-07:00

We moved six months ago. A new address, a new house, huge change.

From birth until I was thirteen years old, I changed street addresses only once. For the following twenty years, however, I changed twelve times… and I am not counting the three months of living with friends in Chicago. Now I am at home address number fifteen.

Changing an address isn’t easy. While I know many more people, my husband included, who have moved far more frequently, I contemplate what it does to one’s stability and security to move often. What are the differences of those who move often and those who have lived in the same house for over forty years?

When we moved in March, we heard that the average time one spends at an address was about seven years. Whatever the reason, people change houses frequently. For a country so skeptical of change, Americans certainly make that major change quite often: their home address.

Personally, this move has been a major feat for me – and still is. I have dreams that we still live in our other house. Or I dream that we are still house-hunting. We had planned to move in a few years, but we felt grounded and established where we were. We had achieved goals and were riding along great at that point. While our previous house was not my ideal home, I miss it. I miss who I was when we lived there.

Not that moving changes your complete persona. You are still who you “are.” Yet it does modify things about day-to-day life. In this instance, my job was even impacted. Expectations and schedules are directly affected by moving. You have to get to know a house and its quirks. You eventually feel that it is home. The differences of the words house and home intrigue me.

The "house" address is just simply a postal location, so that you can receive packages and bills. But think about the reactions you get or give about an address… positive, negative, stereotypical. So many people link identity with a neighborhood. Where you live says something about you, doesn’t it?

A "home" is where you look forward to going at the end of your day. It is a place where you feel safe and where you are comfortable. It takes me a long time to feel safe and comfortable. Is it that the “right” personalities adjust quickly to moving… or is that personality trait formed by how much one moved as he grew up? Because of my resistance to change when I was young, does it make me take more time to adjust to my new house? Or is it because there is so much about this house that requires change (and work!) that my excitement and comfort are restricted? (I tend to sway toward the latter explanation.)

House or home, an address is temporary. You won’t live there forever… you can’t live there forever. Fewer and fewer people buy a house, make it a home and stay there long enough to even have a grandchild visit. Some down-size. Some have to move to a one-story layout or to a retirement home.

Six months. I don’t know if I should have adjusted by now. The house, my identity… I wonder if I’ll have any of it figured out, or if I’ll be any more comfortable, before we change addresses again.

Circles of Change

2009-09-21T06:10:00.000-07:00

Our good friends Mike & Stacey are having a baby. Today.

Their life is going to change dramatically within hours. As soon as he is born, their attention changes to his needs and making sure that the little guy is doing okay. Happy, healthy. The people they will begin to see as he grows will change, also. Play groups, PreSchool, any sports or activities... they will meet new people and develop new friendships with others that share their new phase of life.

Our lives are affected by the people that we care about and need our attention. As life progresses and we change our interests and activities, the people involved shift and move.

Some personalities just grow apart. Some people can seem to become more "difficult" to be around, straining the relationship. Some people get busy and forget to call. Some have been hurt before and it's hard for them to open up to new friendships.

As I reflect on our life right now, I am saddened that there are friends who I have lost touch with. Yet, I am so grateful for those who have entered my sphere of influence. I have friends with four kids and friends who have chosen to not have children. I love and appreciate them for who they are, and they give me different perspectives that I can value.

There is a brilliant quote that I once read that stated the Good Friends have enough in common to bring them together, but enough differences to learn from one another. (I wish I could find it and state it word-for-word, but you get the idea.)

In a world where religions and politics force people to argue, I wish that more people could learn from their differences with others, rather than fear them or get so angry. I hope to continue my circles of friends growing and changing because it shows that I am continuing to grow and change.

I also hope sincerely that my friends who I do not get to see often or those who I mean to phone but get bogged down by life (and my horrible tower connection in this house!) know that I really adore them and think of them often.

They say that your life can "flash" before your eyes... and I smile about all the faces I will get to see in my mind when that happens. It doesn't make me less sad to lose touch with a friend - but I do gain satisfaction that we have at least had the opportunity to share pieces of our lives together, no matter how brief.

Room for Change

2009-09-17T06:56:00.000-07:00

I love planning things. Planning for a change is fun - anything is possible when a plan begins forming. It's exciting!

When the work begins, it can simply stay exciting or it can become challenging. Some challenges are fun, yet some are daunting. The worst result is when the plans don't go well, problems can't be solved... then, oh no, it becomes a disappointment.

A house typically needs a change. Maybe wallpaper needs to go. Perhaps that front room carpet cannot tolerate any more visitors. A faucet never cared for can become too corroded to function properly. With a house, there is always something that needs to change.

Our house, however, needs lots of change. LOTS.

So far, we have updated the master bedroom, pantry and main entrance. We are now tackling the Mudroom. Changing floor tiles. Changing the wall colors. Changing the cabinets... and adding more. My favorite? Changing the mirror. (No, my favorite has not been the sponge painting!)

This mudroom is not only a washroom off the deck, it is the laundry room and the only bathroom on the main floor. Any visitor, well any proper visitor who enjoys a drink or two and stays to chat, will see this room. And there is plenty of room for change within those walls.

I know myself well enough by now that when I change a room, I am also trying to make an improvement to myself.

Painting walls is such a quick result and has the potential to be such a drastic change. Immediate gratification. Yet how often would you paint if touch-ups were needed every day? Once a week? Once a month? Would you put it off until a wall crumbles?

Most self-improvements do require attention every day. Some days need more attention than others.

Like a crumbling wall, one thing happening (or not happening) can make us feel like we are falling apart. To strengthen ourselves, we do need to do something every day. Even if it's small, one activity to "improve" our every day.

Just over a year ago, I was blessed to attend a course through The Pacific Institute. We had to write affirmations. Straight away I pictured Stuart Smalley (Saturday Night Live). "Dog-gone it, people like me." But then, look at Senator Al Franken now. I wonder if he gives any credit to affirmations for his current success.

This was actually quite a difficult task for me. What can you say to yourself every day that matters and helps but is always relevant? Of course, you can always change an affirmation at any time. But, like the walls in a room, you need to focus on what needs attention now. Internal repair and supports take longer.

Once you write a statement - just one sentence - that encourages you and empowers you... you must then read it. Every day.

I have a few sentences, on different aspects that need my daily attention. And I have them stored in multiple places. They (or it, if you are starting small) need to be available to you.

Put one by your breakfast items. Put one on or around your bathroom mirror. Put one in your checkbook or with your debit card.

Give yourself a boost to improve every day... then paint a wall, replace a painting or change the curtains. If you can do them together, you'll be upgrading so much more than your home's interior. Give yourself the attention, maintenance and changes that you think your surroundings need. And leave some room for growth and change.

Temporary Change?

2009-09-11T07:30:00.000-07:00

September 11, 2001. Evil attacked and lives were lost. People changed and New York's skyline drastically changed.

I was pregnant with Hope at the time and had a scheduled doctor's appointment/sonogram. I know that my view of my child's life altered that day. I became more fearful of her future, yet at the same time, more hopeful. Her world would be different from mine, and she and her generation hold the keys to control how it goes.

She wasn't even born, and I didn't even know she was a girl, but I had my first feelings of not being able to control her world. That power lies in her and those that she grows up with. That changed how I felt about her, this little individual. That view changed back when she was born and we had to take care of "our little baby."

I think back to the week following the terror attacks. The silence of the skies - which was just eerie. I recall all the people who took time off of work or put off "overtime" because that day forced us all to focus on our friends and family. Life is temporary - terror or no terror. That reality caused so many people to change their priorities. For that weekend, anyway.

"Remember 9-11." I embrace the phrase. But like birthdays, Christmas, and other annual events, how many people physically carry the changes that happened that day with them? How many people thought "I must spend more time with the people I love!"... and then slowly let it slide after a couple weeks? Changing back to habits, typical daily or weekly tasks.

When tragedy strikes, it can change your life completely. You can make a vow - "I will never do that again" or "From now on, this will be different..." But do you always carry through? Always?

What makes a change temporary? What makes a change resonate in everything that you do? Even if we have great intentions, what ultimately causes the difference? Can we control it?

Reminders are beautiful - even if they are sad. The more we remember, the more it can change us. But we have to let it in, focus on it and let it become part of who we are.

Seasons Change

2009-09-09T08:42:00.000-07:00

Cooler temperatures, trees preparing to drop leaves, the season is changing. Autumn is still almost two weeks away, but nature is preparing herself for the changes.

Some people love changing seasons. It's one of the changes, overall, that humans accept readily. Okay, maybe not ALL of us are eager for Winter, but we do know what to expect.

There can be specific reasons for not looking forward to a change of season. Perhaps the traditional holidays bring stress. Family expectations can certainly affect one's anticipation of seasons and changes. If you have lost a treasured member of your family or a dear friend, perhaps that loss or sadness has you dreading any upcoming events. You will miss that person.

Maybe a past relationship was developed during a particular season. Many memories can be challenging to relive, especially when those thoughts and feelings pop up and surprise you. Things that you thought you had put to rest can sneak up on you when you least expect it - by the smells of fresh autumn pastries, warm crackling of a bonfire, sounds of a football stadium.

Life changes that coincide with holidays or seasons can be more difficult to grow from. It takes more work and more positive focus. Yet to go on, complete, the grief needs to be accepted and processed.

Let it go. Let yourself be sad about it - temporarily. Let your memories be respected, acknowledged and put to rest. Let the new season be brand new for you.

Autumn, Thanksgiving, preparing for Christmas (or any Winter holiday you celebrate) - it can be overwhelming. Change your focus and let yourself learn from nature. The cycle will continue... so will you. There are so many beautiful opportunities, so many blessings to focus upon. I wish them all to you... along with a cup of hot apple cider and slice of pumpkin pie straight from the warm oven.

Cheers to Change.

Change Your Perspective

2009-09-06T20:11:00.000-07:00

Ask one of my family members, and I'm betting he or she will tell you that I hate change.
Until a few years ago, that would have been 100% accurate.

I used to view change as negative. Friends moved, my parents divorced, eventually I moved. Change wasn't good.

When things change, we fear the unknown. We don't know what to expect, so sometimes we expect the worst. Why? Where did the fear come from?

Very early on in my personal life - two or three years of age - my fear of change was formed. Once a typical reaction forms, it becomes habit. You have to change your perspective to adjust how you are affected. It has taken me years, and immeasurable amounts of positive self-talk, to alter my perspective of change.

Change can be sad, of course. You can always have something to miss or something you do not wish to let go. However, you can appreciate it - an object, a relationship, a job, a home - for what it was and how it changed you, then you can celebrate it. You can see what you can take from the experience. How it helped you and how you have grown.

The only other option is to fight it and be miserable. Too many people choose that route. When you shut down and let anger or despair take over, you are unable to learn and grow.

My own epiphany was pretty much to ask "What can I do about it?" When you have a change thrown at you - one of which seems you have no control - ask yourself that question.

You may not only surprise yourself with the answers, but you might also find an opportunity that you didn't see before. Fear or no fear, what can you do about it? Change your focus... change your perspective.

Winds of Change

2009-09-03T07:04:00.001-07:00

By influence and support of my good friend, Amy, I am going to attempt "blogging."

The realm I am going to attempt to examine, dissect, analyze is CHANGE.

There are so many types of change and many areas of my personal life that are definitely changing right now. If I can share my experiences and also my opinions of change, perhaps others can be enlightened that while sometimes scary, because of the "unknown," change can present new accomplishments, new goals that one was not even aware of before.

Amy's recent blog post about Ghandi's famous quote of BEING the change that one wants in the world convinced me that this is a fabulous topic that needs more coverage. Personally, I invite you to post your experiences and your coping mechanisms. Change is constant... we all go through it whether we choose to or not.

"Winds of change," "Change of Power," Progress and Change... Change is all around us.

People choose to change. Whether an emotional battle (internal or with others), we can CHOOSE to make improvements. Women change their hair colour constantly. We change our clothes because they don't help us "feel" the way we want. We change our wall colours, change our curtains, change our minds.

When we realize that emotional change takes serious reflection and serious work, we decide to change the easier things... surroundings, friends, activities.

"Be the change you want to see in the world." What are you feeling is changing? Can you step up and BE the change? Does the change feel like a wind or does it feel like a ton of bricks? What can you do to accept the change and perhaps make it a "change for the better?"