Some Things Never Change...

This year's Election Day led to voiced criticism that President Obama has not lived up to the Change and Hope he promised. It got me thinking about the impact one person can have.

The catch about improving a government... or a business... or a family is that you can't change people.

You can try to motivate and encourage, but changes can only happen by individuals who want better - people who are willing to work at it every day. Groups that all see the same desired goal and each do their part to achieve it.

How can things change if you are the only one who sees the great need? How can one inspire all the others to change? Most importantly - what do you do when all efforts fail and nothing seems to ever change?

It is hard for some of us to give up. Especially when your belief can be so large, so passionate. Yet, sometimes letting go of the vision you have is the only option.

Obviously, I am not Barack Obama. I wish I could stay positive in the face of challenge and harsh resistance. There are, however, also important lessons in these situations. Accepting what cannot or will not change... taking the positives that can be discovered... limiting your exposure and focusing attention and efforts elsewhere.

While you are not able to change others, you can make adjustments to yourself. Some things never change, but we can choose not to be one of those things. We can be better, working from the inside out.

Change of Employment

Whether you lose a job, quit, get downsized, relocate... changing jobs is challenging.

My husband lost his full-time employment because his company needed to save money and could not afford to keep the Creative Department staffed. I lost my job because I worked too hard to save my company money.

Whatever the reason you lose or leave a job, it gives you something money cannot buy: reflection. It's a perfect time to evaluate your role, your goals, your motivation... and look to your next step.

I do believe that all things happen for a reason. Also, as long as I learn from the experience, what happens cannot be a mistake. The key is learning from it. Some lessons teach you right away, while others can take months or years. (For example, I still don't have a full understanding of why our move to Chicago did not succeed.)

For my recent job, I knew it wasn't perfect for me. I knew I wanted more... I hesitated on it for months. It appeared to be a good opportunity, and I thought I could make a difference. I was encouraged by someone I admire and took a chance.

I have already realized things I have learned from this, and I know I have a few more revelations about it that are still pending. Holding true to myself, I am praying that it helps me grow and move on to a place where I can flourish. A place where I will undoubtedly learn new lessons, and hopefully not have to repeat others.

Life is a journey, not a destination... and sometimes we have to change our direction.

Changes in Routine

Some of us rely on routines. Schedules of a day help structure and guide our expectations. Others are better with flexibility and spontaneous activity. Though I admire the abilities of the latter, I am of the first group.

Chad lost his full-time employment approximately one month before Summer Vacation. It is mid-July and my "routine" has still not found ground. I cut back my work hours to balance being a Mom and responsible employee (before Chad's loss of employment)... but with work schedules changing and some questionable Central Illinois weather, that has been easier said than done!

Adjusting to new schedules can be stressful, can seem crazy - but as long as I know what is expected, I find the shift far easier.

Things are not always foreseen - and that is the true life lesson of it all. How to just roll with things though they may not coincide with your plan. I'm trying to have patience and hold on to hope for our situation. This certainly is not the first time we have hit a challenging portion of life. And it will not be the last.

As my favorite author states "A Lesson is Repeated Until Learned." Life is, after all, continual learning.

Spare Change?

I love this phrase - it reminds me of being in England. I wanted to give all our travel money to the homeless. They were so polite and proper in their, "Spare Change, Sir?" requests. Before our trip, I was informed by a friend not to give change to these people. I wast told the UK government provides a lot to them, so I should not feel guilty not contributing my own finances. It's a bittersweet blend of memories... and fyi, I didn't always take my friend's advice. My heart won, over my head, at times.

So - how does one decide where to put "spare change?" Of course, you can always horde it all yourself. Bulk up for that big, fat savings and hope that by the time you retire (people still do that, right?), you'll not have a care in the world.

But is that rewarding? Does that ultimately make you feel good? Is that "what Jesus would do?" I don't think so.

I wish I had far more money - not only because it would be nice to drive a car that I actually like, but because I feel there are so many good causes that need financial help. And even more seem in need in this economy.

Admittedly, I am a bit stressed by the requests for donations that Hope brings home from her school. It seems each week we are being asked to support something. We can't do it all.

I have to pick the causes that I believe in. Whole-heartedly. And I give as much as we can. A challenge is when I am giving to a cause that others don't support - and they say so. That's tough. Granted, we are all human and we obviously aren't going to all agree. But I take offense to someone responding with "I don't 'do' that" when it regards breast cancer... as much as "We ain't doing that" when it comes to supporting the not-for-profit local ballet company in Peoria.

You are welcome to disagree - but don't be snobby about it... and for the Lord's sake, use proper grammar! As, it WILL affect where else I spend my spare change. Like the above treatment from Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory: I will now go directly to Fannie May Candies or pick up more Ghirardelli bars at the grocery store when in a pinch for chocolate. Chad and I have already begun planning how to create our own caramel apples this Fall, too!

What do you believe in? And what do you do to show for it? Money is the obvious way, but for those with restricted funds, go DO something. Collect others' change and donate it physically. Take extra food to a shelter when something you buy is on sale at the store. Donate items to Goodwill - don't just pitch the shoes in the trash if they are still wearable.

By actions, you inflict CHANGE. Good or bad. By donating, you encourage CHANGE... so do it for a good cause. Every coin counts as much as the way that you present it.

Change the Clocks!

This weekend is Daylight Saving Time - that special time of year when we run around the house changing all the clocks one hour ahead. The minute you think you have them all accurate, you find one that still needs an update. Don't forget the one in the car. And now we have to also remember that the smarter clocks change themselves. Ah, technology.

I used to hate Daylight Saving Time. Losing that one precious hour would throw me off until Autumn... when we scramble to update all the clocks once again. We get so giddy about having an "extra hour" in the Fall that we don't realize we probably use all sixty minutes doing this time-change dance each year.

When was the last time you heard of a "drive" for plastics, rubber or newspaper? Clothing designs in the 1940's were altered to reduce "trimmings" so that America wasn't generating unnecessary waste of materials. As conservation efforts for wars have been disregarded, I admit I'm confused why our country still practices this ritual. (Except Arizona, which must still have confusion when calling people in other states.)

Maybe our government leaders just insist on messing with the inner clocks of today's kids since they endured it and survived. Maybe a bill can't be passed to stop the clock shuffles because getting anything passed in D.C. is such a challenge. Or maybe they can't all agree on that either!

However boggled my mind gets on why we do the things we do, now that I'm typically up before sunrise and I yearn to be outside as long as possible - and I just hate being cold - changing my clocks an hour ahead is a chore I now look forward to doing.

More daylight hours means more sunlight and more warmth. Warmth outside, inside and on the deck.

I now love to change the clocks. It symbolizes the changing seasons. Though I am not an advocate of Winter, I am assured that the sun is returning and all will be well again. It is the promise of renewal and reminds me that even cold temperatures, in time, shall pass.

Changing a Path

Give a child the world, and he will grab it with both hands, right?

If two babies are born at the same time - but one has wealthy parents while the other is poor - which one will be successful in life? Of course, that depends a lot on how you view "success." Logic would lead you to believe that money buys what is needed for success... but money can't pay for success any more than it can solely purchase stability, class or happiness. Sure, it makes things easier - how could it not? But does an easy life guarantee a successful path?

Do the expensive exercise plans always lead to success? If two people start the same diet plan, regardless of cost, do they both stick with it?

The difference is motivation. One would guess that motivated adults typically bring up motivated children. Not always true. Motivation is something that has to come from within. Rich or poor, one has to want something so much to do what it takes every day to make it happen.

The best teachers, bosses and even friends have a natural way to encourage others to be or to do their best. I love people like that. Sadly, I am not one of them, but I try to surround myself with them in hopes of learning.

Different things motivate everyone. But you can't influence someone who refuses - sometimes that can backfire. Several people I care about are dealing with family members who are not performing at their best. You can't change someone else - you can only change how you react and respond.

I have an eight-year-old daughter. I have (hopefully) barely lived half my life here on Earth. I do not have life's answers, but I have learned "how not to be" as much as I have from good examples of what I strive to be. The majority of my opinions and thoughts are based upon my own experiences. Parents are supposed to be teachers, not servants, not assistants and not crutches. The job of a parent is to prepare children for life. Real life. Joys as well as disappointments; triumphs as much as challenges.

Bailing out others and enabling them to continue to fail doesn't work. If there is no fear of consequences, behavior won't change. Telling someone she will never succeed doesn't work either - that just lays the path for failure most times. I try to find balance but keep in mind that everyone is different. I've learned the major key, as well, is following through. Too many parents and too many people threaten something, and then cave and don't do it.

Guiding is hard. Guiding is work. But guiding is rewarding. What guides you? What can you do to guide others? And are you guiding them to the right places the right way? Can they change their own path? Can they find their own motivation? What can you do about it... or what do you need to leave alone?

I think of toddlers learning to walk. They stumble, they fall, they -of course- walk to the things they aren't supposed to. But you can't catch them every time. And you can only redirect them so many times before you must let them learn on their own. Motivate and encourage from the sidelines and hope that they find it in themselves.

Change Your Mind?

I hate that phrase. Physically, you cannot alter your mind. You can try. You can tell yourself to be different, read daily affirmations, use medications... and those things may or may not work. But what really happens is that your opinions can alter.

In my own experience, the more I attempt to change my own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, the more I am reminded as to why I had the original opinion in the first place. (For example, someone you really try to like - but their bitter personality continues to push you away.) Conversely, I have been somewhat shocked to know that after holding judgment against something for a long time, I didn't feel strongly about any longer. In some instances, I realized that I even began to agree. (I could use several big, big examples here, but I will just go with food. As a kid, I just couldn't eat salad - now I put extra lettuce, slaw, etc on everything!)

Politicians get reamed for changing their opinions... they get accused of flip-flopping, being deceitful, labeled a fraud. Friends can change in a moment because one situation can bring out something in them that you had not seen before. Think about how many people are in your life because your opinions differ on every topic. I'm guessing there are not many - if you are living your life truly. (We all know there are those who ride coattails and may go along with someone else for fear of rejection. I'm also pretty confident that those people aren't reading this... and if they are, they wouldn't admit it anyway.)

The challenge arises if you are forced to make a choice - one that you felt one way about at first, one that when you are forced to make it again, you feel differently. Think of that one dominant friend in middle school who basically said, "If you are friends with HER, than you are not my friend!"

At the times when I have realized that my opinion has changed, I feel bittersweet. I am proud that I have grown as a person and that my experiences have opened me up to know that there are other ways to feel about something. Yet, I do feel a little sad for the naive part of me that is gone.

It's also important to realize that situations you have endured, others have not faced. The word "ignorance" plays a part again here. Not to be insulting, but the word actually means "a lack of knowledge." The person who has never been in a car accident cannot relate to what it is like. They can imagine it, but they are unaware of the feelings, the thoughts, the results.

Judging others is pretty simple. Anyone can say that "If I were him..." But the truth is we are each made up of our own opinions and feelings based upon our experiences. We don't control what alters them, but we can control how we act based upon those changes. We can choose to open our minds to what someone else has endured - or we can lock ourselves into our own lives and refuse to see others' points of view. Before refusing to "change your mind" about something, give it some thought to see if your opinions are still so solid. You might be surprised.

Changing Jobs...

Recent articles have published various percentages of American employees being unhappy in their current jobs. The range is 43% to 67%... so we can safely say "about half."

Granted, in this economy, one is lucky to still hold a job. But are you lucky if you hate what you're doing, or where you are working or the people that surround you in your job? What can you do about it?

A revolution of unhappy workers leaving and standing up for something better seems like a preposterous idea (and makes me think of the "Everybody Hurts" video by R.E.M.). Powerful, yes; realistic, sadly no. You certainly can't change others to make you happy nor can you change your entire work surroundings. The only thing you can control the change of is you.

From someone who has changed jobs more than anything else in my life, it's scary, but it is possible. You don't have to quit your current job to find another - but you do have to put yourself out there - again and again.

And if you have lost your job, take it as an opportunity to be more selective with the next role you step into. When bills are stacking up and pressure's on, I know that is a difficult attitude to have, but try. Don't forget that you do have the power to decide what you do every day. Too many people feel trapped - and it shows.

In the meantime, focus on the things about your current job that you DO enjoy. The things that made you agree to be an employee there in the first place. There is a lot of truth to the phrase "want what you have so that you have what you want." Doors open when you aren't looking at them.

Try not to fall into this statistic - it doesn't seem at all a good place to be. Especially when the typical worker spends so many more waking hours at work than at home.

When Changes Suck...

Is that when you grab a lolly-pop?
See a change you want, and you view it as an opportunity. Have one thrown upon you that you do not want, and you feel oppressed. It's a matter of control.

Most people cannot control the changes that others impose. I'm one of those people. I lack authority and therefore lack influence as well. My opinions probably matter to about three people... maybe five.

The challenge is taking the changes that others make, the ones I do not want, and creating them into opportunities. That requires a lot of optimism and motivation. And putting up with and creating your own bullshit.

Let's be honest. It's about perspective. Sometimes changing your own views (which can involve fooling yourself) can be fairly simple. At those times, I sort of pretend that I don't know all the details. "Ignorance is bliss" is NOT just a phrase.

After years of still learning about myself, I admit it: I am a control freak. I don't want to be a dictator or rule over others, but I only feel good when I know what is going on. When I know expectations and results. I can enjoy improvements completely, but set-backs can freak me out and frustrate me thoroughly. Finding the energy to look on the bright side, make lemonade of lemons and all that crap overwhelms me most the time. I was not built with any optimistic DNA.

"Things work out for the best." Or is that just a lie we tell ourselves to get us through whatever we are up against? There are days I just want to give up. There are days I feel like all that I've tried and achieved doesn't seem to matter. There are days I just don't know what to do or wonder if I WANT to try to do any more.

Is that giving up my control? Maybe my second cup of coffee this morning will provide some answers. Ah, ignorance IS bliss - but coffee and chocolate can always help.