We all say "time flies," but I am honestly in shock that my darling little baby is now considered a legal adult. It truly does not feel like it has been eighteen years since she blessed my life. How did that pass so quickly?
I remember talking with the stupendously talented Erich
Yetter at Peoria Ballet Company when I first started this blog... he
asked about my posts, and we touched on all the "choices and
changes" we see and share as parents - in them, in us, and in one
another.
This past week in particular, it has all flashed before my eyes randomly. Her preschool years, Charter Oak, moving to Dunlap where she joined Wilder-Waite, middle school at DMS, entering high school... the move to Austin is still surreal. Like you were watching a TV series and that last season, they're like "surprise! That whole thing was a dream!" And you're like wth??!? What do I do with THAT?!
But it's more than reflecting on her childhood or having random memories pop up unexpected. I think living 1,000 miles away it also amplifies the people I thought would always be part of her/our life. Some disappeared almost immediately. Others have slowly faded. A select few have kept in touch. Life is so strange.
I'm not sure if it makes me sad that Hope has faced these realities before departing for college or if I'm glad that she is aware this happens... I think a bit of both. She still has so many decisions ahead of her and as her "mom," I am doing my best to let her figure out her own path while also voicing concerns and caution. Mistakes are lessons as long as we learn from them and if we don't repeat or continue going in the wrong direction because it feels more comfortable.
Massive changes lie ahead. While she is still deciding, waiting and contemplating, I have decided to be strive to be happy hanging out in limbo. While I am programmed to be a Type A planner, my move to Texas has definitely shown me, sometimes in not so pleasant and blunt ways, life will never go as I expect. If anything, I hope that my daughter, witnessing my struggles, failures, triumphs, surprises and lessons, will be more equipped to not only handle what lies in store for her, but that she will face it all with the confidence and security that we all deserve.
I am so beyond proud of her. While she will always be my "four-pound baby," she has grown into such an impressive, intelligent, caring woman. I am truly blessed that I have been able to witness it.
