Returning to work "full-time" has meant a lot more than being in my office at 8:00 a.m. every weekday. While I am not able to physically see my daughter every day after she gets home from school now, it has hit me that in just four years, I probably won't even be able to physically see her every day.
She is going to be moving on to college, eventually a career, and if she wants, she will be a Mother... she has her entire journey ahead of her.
But I don't. Hope has been my greatest accomplishment. Yes, owning my own Wedding & Event Planning business was a true joy for me and I did love it. Developing administrative abilities throughout my office positions from Accenture to Peoria Ballet and now Alpha Media is pretty fulfilling. I like to be proud of myself as a daughter who has lived a pretty respectable life... Yet my focus for the past seventeen years has been to bring up a fantastic human being. Granted, I am not "done." I will be here for her as long as I am on the planet. It's just that we are coming to a point where there isn't much more I can actually do for her, about who she is. She has her identity. It will change a bit, like we all do, but I've tried to help build a strong foundation and that part is over.
So, now what? Is this that Empty Nest syndrome people talk about? Of course I am ahead of the game - I am an obsessive Planner. I am doing my best to enjoy where I am in my life right now, but my nature is always to seek "what's next." To prepare for whatever moves I need to make, to prepare for the next change. Clairee's line in Steel Magnolias echoes in my mind: "Well. I really do love football. But it's hard to parlay that into a reason to live."
It seemed a lot easier to know what I wanted when I was younger. I am not sure of anything now. I know I need balance. I need to be able to have flexibility to continue to be available for my daughter. I want to continue to exercise, enjoy time with my fabulous friends and dance any moment possible. I want to make a difference and help the world be a better place. But determining what else I want now and how to get there is proving to be a challenge.
Monday, April 18, 2016
Friday, April 15, 2016
Our Reactions to Change
So much of our experience with change is perception. When we learn of something changing in our life, some of us immediately spring to a "life is over!" mentality. Other times, what seems like something so exciting can end up being a disappointment.
Changes are inevitable. People will move, people will die, new people will enter. Some changes are loss, while others can be a blessing. Either way, it is not the change that we can control, but we can work on our interpretation of it.
I used to have a sort of mental checklist that I used for happiness, as I am confident most people do. College, marriage, buy a home, upgrade the home, expand the family, travel... I am willing to bet, however, no one includes in that list to have their closest friends move, lose a child, have their employer terminate their position. So while we do plan for come changes, others knock us off course because we are unprepared and those changes are not wanted.
Some view me as 'pessimistic,' while I just think of myself as 'realistic.' Bad things happen - let me correct that: things happen which we interpret are "bad" in our opinions. I do not start everyday thinking "oh, no, WHAT will go wrong today?!" Yet I probably do begin every morning ready to troubleshoot any challenges. It has taken time, years actually, to be stuck behind an idiot in Peoria (yes, there are quite a few who don't truly understand the "fast lane" option in traffic), and instead of riding their back bumper and cursing them under my breath, I take a moment to realize that I am behind them for some reason. Too Zen for you? Just try it - at least for a while. Your heart rate will appreciate it, at least.
When you can let go of the "oh, this is horrible!" or "WHY does this always happen to me?!" mentality, it's pretty enlightening to just give that situation to a greater power. Whether you believe that God places everyone everywhere or in the balance of Karma or that life has ups and downs, it can be pretty therapeutic to "let it go" and just live. (With no pesky bill at the end of the session, too, by the way.)
With every change, you have a choice - you can be angry and resistant, and learn that you have no power, or you can look for any good in it and treat it as a new opportunity. If you honestly cannot find any positives about a situation, then at least it is a sign to let go and move on with something else. Life is short and there is much to do.
Changes are inevitable. People will move, people will die, new people will enter. Some changes are loss, while others can be a blessing. Either way, it is not the change that we can control, but we can work on our interpretation of it.
I used to have a sort of mental checklist that I used for happiness, as I am confident most people do. College, marriage, buy a home, upgrade the home, expand the family, travel... I am willing to bet, however, no one includes in that list to have their closest friends move, lose a child, have their employer terminate their position. So while we do plan for come changes, others knock us off course because we are unprepared and those changes are not wanted.
Some view me as 'pessimistic,' while I just think of myself as 'realistic.' Bad things happen - let me correct that: things happen which we interpret are "bad" in our opinions. I do not start everyday thinking "oh, no, WHAT will go wrong today?!" Yet I probably do begin every morning ready to troubleshoot any challenges. It has taken time, years actually, to be stuck behind an idiot in Peoria (yes, there are quite a few who don't truly understand the "fast lane" option in traffic), and instead of riding their back bumper and cursing them under my breath, I take a moment to realize that I am behind them for some reason. Too Zen for you? Just try it - at least for a while. Your heart rate will appreciate it, at least.
When you can let go of the "oh, this is horrible!" or "WHY does this always happen to me?!" mentality, it's pretty enlightening to just give that situation to a greater power. Whether you believe that God places everyone everywhere or in the balance of Karma or that life has ups and downs, it can be pretty therapeutic to "let it go" and just live. (With no pesky bill at the end of the session, too, by the way.)
With every change, you have a choice - you can be angry and resistant, and learn that you have no power, or you can look for any good in it and treat it as a new opportunity. If you honestly cannot find any positives about a situation, then at least it is a sign to let go and move on with something else. Life is short and there is much to do.
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Big Changes
The past several years have involved some drastic changes in my career path, which has greatly affected my schedule. I am a definite "creature of habit" and get quite upset if my routine is disturbed.
After closing my own business in 2008, my journey back to the "working world" hasn't been exactly smooth. I am not blessed to feel I have a "calling" anymore, but I do have skills and experience that I feel compelled to share in order to earn money for some sort of living.
Working part-time was truly perfect for me. As a mother, I truly valued being able to be home when my daughter ended her school days. Cleaning the house and running errands during the week, I now view as gifts. And I really, really loved going to lunch with my friends!
However, when I found myself taking the next step in employment, the job offer that fit my needs the best at this point in my life is a full-time role, Monday - Friday, downtown Peoria. Major adjustment. The changes that I have had to make daily (cleaning the house on weekends, putting myself together by 7:30 a.m. every day, unable to be home until almost 5:30 p.m.) have also led to a change in the checking account and some better financial security.
I also made a move from Event Planning into Accounting. At the end of the work day, I usually don't "take anything with me," and so far, no one has called or texted me when I am out of the office. Not that I am not committed to my job, but with Events, I was consumed. Perfection of all events was my life goal. Any aspect that went wrong, I amplified that it was my fault and there HAD to have been something I could have done to prevent it.
So this big change has been a healthy change for me. I am still assisting Peoria Ballet with their events and able to be a co-Chair of the Hospitality team at my daughter's school. I can only look forward to where I can take all these skills in the future.
After closing my own business in 2008, my journey back to the "working world" hasn't been exactly smooth. I am not blessed to feel I have a "calling" anymore, but I do have skills and experience that I feel compelled to share in order to earn money for some sort of living.
Working part-time was truly perfect for me. As a mother, I truly valued being able to be home when my daughter ended her school days. Cleaning the house and running errands during the week, I now view as gifts. And I really, really loved going to lunch with my friends!
However, when I found myself taking the next step in employment, the job offer that fit my needs the best at this point in my life is a full-time role, Monday - Friday, downtown Peoria. Major adjustment. The changes that I have had to make daily (cleaning the house on weekends, putting myself together by 7:30 a.m. every day, unable to be home until almost 5:30 p.m.) have also led to a change in the checking account and some better financial security.
I also made a move from Event Planning into Accounting. At the end of the work day, I usually don't "take anything with me," and so far, no one has called or texted me when I am out of the office. Not that I am not committed to my job, but with Events, I was consumed. Perfection of all events was my life goal. Any aspect that went wrong, I amplified that it was my fault and there HAD to have been something I could have done to prevent it.
So this big change has been a healthy change for me. I am still assisting Peoria Ballet with their events and able to be a co-Chair of the Hospitality team at my daughter's school. I can only look forward to where I can take all these skills in the future.
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