Change of Year

The first month of the New Year closes this week opening up to February.  January 27th, and I have not set any true goals for myself for 2019.  I want new achievements, but after the past couple of years, reflecting on my life, I'm sorta out of ideas... kind of sick of the roller coaster, too.

Yet, the last four weeks have surprised me with new opportunities and abilities already!  Usually, when I set out to "get something," it seems to shift further from my grasp.  And amazing experiences were able to be mine without my asking, but based on just who I am (Nutcracker, JFL Cheer, bridal show modeling...).

My life just sort of "happens" to me.  If I want something and go after it, it inevitably becomes an even greater challenge.  All things have been difficult except for obtaining certification as a Professional Event Coordinator.  While I had to study and pass exams, it went well, and I even achieved Honors in three of the five courses.

However, that was the easiest part.  Once I held the piece of paper, I had to struggle to find clients... so that I could work my ass off for them.  It was intimidating to approach wedding and event businesses and "sell myself" to them, as well.  For fifteen years, I was able to fill a role that I loved, but it wasn't easy.  I tired of the stress of never knowing how many clients I could land, and being a Type A personality, I needed stability.

For the past year, I have had a similar experience with my Wellness certifications.  Instead of traveling, I submitted videos of my classes to apply after studying the course work.  That led to a conference call to review my submissions... For someone who can't stand seeing herself on video, yeah that comfort zone was out of sight.  Then, hooray! The official document arrived!  Let the connections in the Austin fitness community begin!  ....Or not.  Well, slowly.  So far, I have met a handful of awesome people who, if they haven't helped me, they have at least provided encouragement.  But I have had to face a lot of rejections if any reply at all. My friend Angie reminds me that I've accomplished a lot in the first six, now twelve months of this endeavor.

If I weren't employed at a state agency office, okay, a "quasi agency" since the facilities management office refuses to allow me to reserve my own spaces for classes, my challenges would be even bigger.  And the women (and men!) I have been blessed to meet teaching around the Capitol have been so incredibly inspiring and amazing!  Maybe I am biased, but I think it takes even more courage to workout in the middle of the day and go back to your desk with "gym hair."  For my class in particular, working out to some funky dance moves with co-workers... that requires even more of getting out of your comfort zone!  I am both, proud and so impressed by this crew!

I was so blessed to open my class to the public at Arthur Murray Dance Studios, where I did not gain any new participants.  My friends and state employees came, along with my amazing daughter.  Then I met the incredible Sonnie at Lache Movement, where three new people attended my class, which made me super happy!  With the holidays, I didn't set any new dates and instead focused on learning three new routines to rotate into the mix as well as a new Warm Up song.

So, I was pretty content with it at the time... which in my life, is when things happen!  I was invited to hold a demo class at an apartment complex, and afterwards, I was asked if I could start doing the class for locations with which the company has fitness agreements.  In February, I will start holding classes for Shape Up Corporate Fitness at a few buildings around Austin.  Angie had suggested this a year ago when my 'location search' began, but I had no one specific to contact.  The places I emailed never replied, so I completely lost hope for doing it.

And voila!  Here we are.

For 2019, I think my main "resolution" is to sincerely lighten up more about my path and really, REALLY hold on to my mantra of "When nothing is certain, anything is possible." (Mandy Hale)

For the rest of my mission of wellness, I have started two new books and listened to a few recordings as the main accomplishment I want to make this year is believing in myself and being more "me." Whatever that is.  Personalities change, preferences change, the things that light the spark into a fire inside you change.  None of us have it all "figured out" because life cannot be completely determined.  At least not in my case.  Honestly, I don't want it to be. I can say at least I'm not bored! Frustrated, quite a bit. Frightened, of course.  But I'm interested to see how my new year unfolds, and it's already been pretty exciting with a lot of potential.

Please comment with your new goals or any situations you have had like mine.  It would help to know I'm not the only one!  Cheers to you for 2019 - I hope it has started well and is amazing for you!

Phase I to Phase II of Moving to Austin

Oh, the timing of it all... It would be so much easier for me to leave Illinois during the cold, bleak, dead winter months. Holding the resentment of my husband's lost employment... the bitterness of an area that could not support his talents and our career ambitions.  A place so cold that caused tension and pain in my body that made me cranky.

And I had to leave first - for some reason.  Yes, I found an employer providing me a better position, higher pay and better benefits while moving Chad to a city with far more opportunities in his industry (art and graphic design).  Yet, if he had moved before Hope and I, it would have been more obvious to blame him for this relocation, for uprooting our family and separating us from all that we love and enjoy.  This major shift in all our lives.

We have to do this as a team.  We need to support each other.  We must support one another in the transition.  It has actually been crucial for me to make the move first so that I could begin the second phase as a better, stronger, healthier version of myself - my ultimate self.

Just over fifty days, and I do not feel I am "there" quite yet - but I am learning, realizing, that maybe I won't ever get "there."  Perhaps I will remain a work in progress for all of my existence.  But as long as I am on the right track and stick to it, I think that's what matters. 

When I think about others I admire, I rarely respect people who have had everything handed to them.  I look up to the fighters - the ones who not only rose to challenges but continue to pull themselves back up, time and time, after every fall.  Those who continue driven to get what they want and push themselves toward what they want.

Those who, through their hard work, show gratitude for their opportunities, battles and even what appear to be "failures," and keep working to be their best.
 
That is ultimately what I want.  While this move has been so difficult, emotionally, physically, financially, and while I also understand I am still far from finished, my only regret is that I didn't take that First Step years ago.  But then, there are so many amazing, important, fun people that I have been blessed and honored to meet.  And, maybe I would not have the amount of appreciation for all of this that I am currently overtaken with at times.  Life can be a struggle, but oh my, it can have so much enjoyment, too!