I hate that phrase. Physically, you cannot alter your mind. You can try. You can tell yourself to be different, read daily affirmations, use medications... and those things may or may not work. But what really happens is that your opinions can alter.
In my own experience, the more I attempt to change my own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, the more I am reminded as to why I had the original opinion in the first place. (For example, someone you really try to like - but their bitter personality continues to push you away.) Conversely, I have been somewhat shocked to know that after holding judgment against something for a long time, I didn't feel strongly about any longer. In some instances, I realized that I even began to agree. (I could use several big, big examples here, but I will just go with food. As a kid, I just couldn't eat salad - now I put extra lettuce, slaw, etc on everything!)
Politicians get reamed for changing their opinions... they get accused of flip-flopping, being deceitful, labeled a fraud. Friends can change in a moment because one situation can bring out something in them that you had not seen before. Think about how many people are in your life because your opinions differ on every topic. I'm guessing there are not many - if you are living your life truly. (We all know there are those who ride coattails and may go along with someone else for fear of rejection. I'm also pretty confident that those people aren't reading this... and if they are, they wouldn't admit it anyway.)
The challenge arises if you are forced to make a choice - one that you felt one way about at first, one that when you are forced to make it again, you feel differently. Think of that one dominant friend in middle school who basically said, "If you are friends with HER, than you are not my friend!"
At the times when I have realized that my opinion has changed, I feel bittersweet. I am proud that I have grown as a person and that my experiences have opened me up to know that there are other ways to feel about something. Yet, I do feel a little sad for the naive part of me that is gone.
It's also important to realize that situations you have endured, others have not faced. The word "ignorance" plays a part again here. Not to be insulting, but the word actually means "a lack of knowledge." The person who has never been in a car accident cannot relate to what it is like. They can imagine it, but they are unaware of the feelings, the thoughts, the results.
Judging others is pretty simple. Anyone can say that "If I were him..." But the truth is we are each made up of our own opinions and feelings based upon our experiences. We don't control what alters them, but we can control how we act based upon those changes. We can choose to open our minds to what someone else has endured - or we can lock ourselves into our own lives and refuse to see others' points of view. Before refusing to "change your mind" about something, give it some thought to see if your opinions are still so solid. You might be surprised.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Changing Jobs...
Recent articles have published various percentages of American employees being unhappy in their current jobs. The range is 43% to 67%... so we can safely say "about half."
Granted, in this economy, one is lucky to still hold a job. But are you lucky if you hate what you're doing, or where you are working or the people that surround you in your job? What can you do about it?
A revolution of unhappy workers leaving and standing up for something better seems like a preposterous idea (and makes me think of the "Everybody Hurts" video by R.E.M.). Powerful, yes; realistic, sadly no. You certainly can't change others to make you happy nor can you change your entire work surroundings. The only thing you can control the change of is you.
From someone who has changed jobs more than anything else in my life, it's scary, but it is possible. You don't have to quit your current job to find another - but you do have to put yourself out there - again and again.
And if you have lost your job, take it as an opportunity to be more selective with the next role you step into. When bills are stacking up and pressure's on, I know that is a difficult attitude to have, but try. Don't forget that you do have the power to decide what you do every day. Too many people feel trapped - and it shows.
In the meantime, focus on the things about your current job that you DO enjoy. The things that made you agree to be an employee there in the first place. There is a lot of truth to the phrase "want what you have so that you have what you want." Doors open when you aren't looking at them.
Try not to fall into this statistic - it doesn't seem at all a good place to be. Especially when the typical worker spends so many more waking hours at work than at home.
Granted, in this economy, one is lucky to still hold a job. But are you lucky if you hate what you're doing, or where you are working or the people that surround you in your job? What can you do about it?
A revolution of unhappy workers leaving and standing up for something better seems like a preposterous idea (and makes me think of the "Everybody Hurts" video by R.E.M.). Powerful, yes; realistic, sadly no. You certainly can't change others to make you happy nor can you change your entire work surroundings. The only thing you can control the change of is you.
From someone who has changed jobs more than anything else in my life, it's scary, but it is possible. You don't have to quit your current job to find another - but you do have to put yourself out there - again and again.
And if you have lost your job, take it as an opportunity to be more selective with the next role you step into. When bills are stacking up and pressure's on, I know that is a difficult attitude to have, but try. Don't forget that you do have the power to decide what you do every day. Too many people feel trapped - and it shows.
In the meantime, focus on the things about your current job that you DO enjoy. The things that made you agree to be an employee there in the first place. There is a lot of truth to the phrase "want what you have so that you have what you want." Doors open when you aren't looking at them.
Try not to fall into this statistic - it doesn't seem at all a good place to be. Especially when the typical worker spends so many more waking hours at work than at home.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
When Changes Suck...
Is that when you grab a lolly-pop?
See a change you want, and you view it as an opportunity. Have one thrown upon you that you do not want, and you feel oppressed. It's a matter of control.
Most people cannot control the changes that others impose. I'm one of those people. I lack authority and therefore lack influence as well. My opinions probably matter to about three people... maybe five.
The challenge is taking the changes that others make, the ones I do not want, and creating them into opportunities. That requires a lot of optimism and motivation. And putting up with and creating your own bullshit.
Let's be honest. It's about perspective. Sometimes changing your own views (which can involve fooling yourself) can be fairly simple. At those times, I sort of pretend that I don't know all the details. "Ignorance is bliss" is NOT just a phrase.
After years of still learning about myself, I admit it: I am a control freak. I don't want to be a dictator or rule over others, but I only feel good when I know what is going on. When I know expectations and results. I can enjoy improvements completely, but set-backs can freak me out and frustrate me thoroughly. Finding the energy to look on the bright side, make lemonade of lemons and all that crap overwhelms me most the time. I was not built with any optimistic DNA.
"Things work out for the best." Or is that just a lie we tell ourselves to get us through whatever we are up against? There are days I just want to give up. There are days I feel like all that I've tried and achieved doesn't seem to matter. There are days I just don't know what to do or wonder if I WANT to try to do any more.
Is that giving up my control? Maybe my second cup of coffee this morning will provide some answers. Ah, ignorance IS bliss - but coffee and chocolate can always help.
See a change you want, and you view it as an opportunity. Have one thrown upon you that you do not want, and you feel oppressed. It's a matter of control.
Most people cannot control the changes that others impose. I'm one of those people. I lack authority and therefore lack influence as well. My opinions probably matter to about three people... maybe five.
The challenge is taking the changes that others make, the ones I do not want, and creating them into opportunities. That requires a lot of optimism and motivation. And putting up with and creating your own bullshit.
Let's be honest. It's about perspective. Sometimes changing your own views (which can involve fooling yourself) can be fairly simple. At those times, I sort of pretend that I don't know all the details. "Ignorance is bliss" is NOT just a phrase.
After years of still learning about myself, I admit it: I am a control freak. I don't want to be a dictator or rule over others, but I only feel good when I know what is going on. When I know expectations and results. I can enjoy improvements completely, but set-backs can freak me out and frustrate me thoroughly. Finding the energy to look on the bright side, make lemonade of lemons and all that crap overwhelms me most the time. I was not built with any optimistic DNA.
"Things work out for the best." Or is that just a lie we tell ourselves to get us through whatever we are up against? There are days I just want to give up. There are days I feel like all that I've tried and achieved doesn't seem to matter. There are days I just don't know what to do or wonder if I WANT to try to do any more.
Is that giving up my control? Maybe my second cup of coffee this morning will provide some answers. Ah, ignorance IS bliss - but coffee and chocolate can always help.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Changing Your Habits
New Year's Day is arriving. The day recognized to alter habits. New goals and new challenges for a new year.
Tell me I "should" do something, I will immediately not want to do it. Telling myself not to do something, makes it so much more attractive. I don't diet. That is disaster waiting to happen in my opinion and my experience.
Instead, I try to replace bad habits with healthier options. I find that gradual change is an easier change for me. Someone once said to me that "if you do something three times in a row, it can become habit." The trick is doing (or not doing) something so that it becomes automatic. Dictionary.com defines "habit" as just that: an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary.
Prime example: the week of Halloween, I decided that I need to drink less in alcoholic beverages. It's not that I am dependent upon drinking to get through my days or nights... it is just a goal I set and something I wanted to do. I just drink more water and drinking more of something else fills your time (and your tummy). The next thing I knew, I was drinking less wine.
It also makes my fun drinks more rewarding. I appreciate it more. It could even be "reverse-psychology" because I did say to myself that if I can't cut down, I should probably cut it out completely.
As far as foods go, I have found if the fattening foods and sweets aren't in the house, it's far more challenging to eat them! It doesn't mean that I never eat them - especially at THIS time of the year! But Chad and I have found that moderation is the key. Again, with MY personality, if I told myself I would never enjoy chocolate chip cookies or garlic smashed potatoes again, I would specifically desire the two!
So as 2010 approaches, I of course need new goals for myself. It's helpful, too, to look back at what one has accomplished in the past year. It can be encouraging and useful for redirecting in the new year.
Don't be one of those people who say "I'm going to drop 20 pounds this year!!" Make your goals more realistic. If it works for you, you can make it a changing question. Instead you could ask "How can I lose two pounds this month?" "I'll eat salad for lunch twice a week this month." That way if you don't meet your goal the first month, you can either adjust your expectations for the next month or tighten your goal. If your personality suits it, do your challenges each week instead. The logic is, if you can eat a healthy alternative twice a week, increase it to three times a week, etc. In looking at it this way, you also aren't suffering or "starving."
I agree with my friend Amy, who states she doesn't make "resolutions." I prefer to hold them as goals. I don't "resolve" to do anything in the next twelve months, but I will have personal goals and rewards for myself. The improvements (we hope) are in the process of the change. That is, after all, the point.
My personal list isn't finished yet for "Twenty-Ten." I know I want to continue my food-and-beverage plan. I want to increase my running distance. I need to cross-train with another activity. I want to be a great wife and companion to Chad. I want to be a good parent to a marvelous little girl who is turning 8 years old. I will continue to strive to be a reliable and fun friend. I want to participate more in community events and support more local talents. My biggest improvement goal will be in employment. I am working to fine-tune my position and define the areas where I can provide the best use of my talents and abilities.
New Year. New milestones. New achievements. Change is good.
Cheers!!
Tell me I "should" do something, I will immediately not want to do it. Telling myself not to do something, makes it so much more attractive. I don't diet. That is disaster waiting to happen in my opinion and my experience.
Instead, I try to replace bad habits with healthier options. I find that gradual change is an easier change for me. Someone once said to me that "if you do something three times in a row, it can become habit." The trick is doing (or not doing) something so that it becomes automatic. Dictionary.com defines "habit" as just that: an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary.
Prime example: the week of Halloween, I decided that I need to drink less in alcoholic beverages. It's not that I am dependent upon drinking to get through my days or nights... it is just a goal I set and something I wanted to do. I just drink more water and drinking more of something else fills your time (and your tummy). The next thing I knew, I was drinking less wine.
It also makes my fun drinks more rewarding. I appreciate it more. It could even be "reverse-psychology" because I did say to myself that if I can't cut down, I should probably cut it out completely.
As far as foods go, I have found if the fattening foods and sweets aren't in the house, it's far more challenging to eat them! It doesn't mean that I never eat them - especially at THIS time of the year! But Chad and I have found that moderation is the key. Again, with MY personality, if I told myself I would never enjoy chocolate chip cookies or garlic smashed potatoes again, I would specifically desire the two!
So as 2010 approaches, I of course need new goals for myself. It's helpful, too, to look back at what one has accomplished in the past year. It can be encouraging and useful for redirecting in the new year.
Don't be one of those people who say "I'm going to drop 20 pounds this year!!" Make your goals more realistic. If it works for you, you can make it a changing question. Instead you could ask "How can I lose two pounds this month?" "I'll eat salad for lunch twice a week this month." That way if you don't meet your goal the first month, you can either adjust your expectations for the next month or tighten your goal. If your personality suits it, do your challenges each week instead. The logic is, if you can eat a healthy alternative twice a week, increase it to three times a week, etc. In looking at it this way, you also aren't suffering or "starving."
I agree with my friend Amy, who states she doesn't make "resolutions." I prefer to hold them as goals. I don't "resolve" to do anything in the next twelve months, but I will have personal goals and rewards for myself. The improvements (we hope) are in the process of the change. That is, after all, the point.
My personal list isn't finished yet for "Twenty-Ten." I know I want to continue my food-and-beverage plan. I want to increase my running distance. I need to cross-train with another activity. I want to be a great wife and companion to Chad. I want to be a good parent to a marvelous little girl who is turning 8 years old. I will continue to strive to be a reliable and fun friend. I want to participate more in community events and support more local talents. My biggest improvement goal will be in employment. I am working to fine-tune my position and define the areas where I can provide the best use of my talents and abilities.
New Year. New milestones. New achievements. Change is good.
Cheers!!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Change the Menu
I am very thankful... and I love Thanksgiving.
My husband loves to cook, and he is amazing at doing so! Thanksgiving is our holiday of comfort food, spending family time together and - of course - the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade!
Thanksgiving used to be hectic. We would rush from my family's dinner to Chad's family's dinner. We had no time to relax and catch up, and frankly, it was pretty exhausting.
I'm not judging anyone who currently goes through this schedule on Thanksgiving... unfortunately, it's become quite "normal" for the holiday. And some of my friends even enjoy the hustle, bustle and rush.
Growing up, Thanksgiving dinners included turkey, mashed potatoes, and naturally, green bean casserole. However, as I grew older and enjoyed more interesting side dishes, I began to wonder why sometimes people fall into habits of the menu. Do they get lazy? Are they afraid to try something new? Would it destroy the timeline to have everything on the table at once? Do they enjoy cooking or has it become just a labor that they do?
Since there are three of us, we don't have to buy the "big bird." Chad buys a turkey breast, de-bones it (I swear, I am also thankful I did not grow up on a farm!) and stuffs it. The favourites are smoked gouda, proscuitto and asparagus. Honestly, I don't know what any of our grandmothers think about this. My maternal grandma ate it with us one Thanksgiving and did say that it was good... but I know our families think we're a little "fancy" with food sometimes.
So here's the thing - I challenge any Thanksgiving hosts/hostesses out there to try something new this holiday. I'm not saying to alter your entire feast menu - but just one new side dish. It helps you celebrate thankfulness and fun for the holiday. And if it doesn't turn out to be a hit, pitch it and grab a can or two of green beans.
Don't get to cook for the dinner? Bring a new dessert... or shake things up with a cocktail or bottle of wine.
Thanksgiving is about fun and family. How can you change your "menu" and enjoy celebrating all that we have with those that you love?
My husband loves to cook, and he is amazing at doing so! Thanksgiving is our holiday of comfort food, spending family time together and - of course - the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade!
Thanksgiving used to be hectic. We would rush from my family's dinner to Chad's family's dinner. We had no time to relax and catch up, and frankly, it was pretty exhausting.
I'm not judging anyone who currently goes through this schedule on Thanksgiving... unfortunately, it's become quite "normal" for the holiday. And some of my friends even enjoy the hustle, bustle and rush.
Growing up, Thanksgiving dinners included turkey, mashed potatoes, and naturally, green bean casserole. However, as I grew older and enjoyed more interesting side dishes, I began to wonder why sometimes people fall into habits of the menu. Do they get lazy? Are they afraid to try something new? Would it destroy the timeline to have everything on the table at once? Do they enjoy cooking or has it become just a labor that they do?
Since there are three of us, we don't have to buy the "big bird." Chad buys a turkey breast, de-bones it (I swear, I am also thankful I did not grow up on a farm!) and stuffs it. The favourites are smoked gouda, proscuitto and asparagus. Honestly, I don't know what any of our grandmothers think about this. My maternal grandma ate it with us one Thanksgiving and did say that it was good... but I know our families think we're a little "fancy" with food sometimes.
So here's the thing - I challenge any Thanksgiving hosts/hostesses out there to try something new this holiday. I'm not saying to alter your entire feast menu - but just one new side dish. It helps you celebrate thankfulness and fun for the holiday. And if it doesn't turn out to be a hit, pitch it and grab a can or two of green beans.
Don't get to cook for the dinner? Bring a new dessert... or shake things up with a cocktail or bottle of wine.
Thanksgiving is about fun and family. How can you change your "menu" and enjoy celebrating all that we have with those that you love?
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
What's Next?
Some changes are rapid. Some seem to take ages for adjustment. And several feel like they will never be finished!
Now that the major updates to our mudroom (or "anti-mud room" as I am now calling it) are done, some friends have started asking, "What's next?"
The thing is - our previous projects are not even fully complete yet. Little tasks remain for the master bedroom, the "anti-mud room," the living room, the eat-in kitchen area... We now have new carpet in the other two bedrooms, but the guest room still needs that all-important fixture: a bed! The pantry is completed, however, and I am loving it! But we do have several things to wrap up.
In addition to running out of funds for our insane list of home updates, the Christmas season is approaching. Priorities are adjusting due to money.
While we assess "what is next," I am looking forward to some cozy, relaxed nights. Warm meals on cold nights with time to enjoy the work that we have accomplished so far... And, of course, make lists of what yet needs to be done.
Heaven knows the dining room fireplace is aching, begging and sometimes I know I hear it screaming for change. I'm sure we won't let it suffer much longer.
Now that the major updates to our mudroom (or "anti-mud room" as I am now calling it) are done, some friends have started asking, "What's next?"
The thing is - our previous projects are not even fully complete yet. Little tasks remain for the master bedroom, the "anti-mud room," the living room, the eat-in kitchen area... We now have new carpet in the other two bedrooms, but the guest room still needs that all-important fixture: a bed! The pantry is completed, however, and I am loving it! But we do have several things to wrap up.
In addition to running out of funds for our insane list of home updates, the Christmas season is approaching. Priorities are adjusting due to money.
While we assess "what is next," I am looking forward to some cozy, relaxed nights. Warm meals on cold nights with time to enjoy the work that we have accomplished so far... And, of course, make lists of what yet needs to be done.
Heaven knows the dining room fireplace is aching, begging and sometimes I know I hear it screaming for change. I'm sure we won't let it suffer much longer.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Change of Scenery
What is it about travel? A change of scenery can change your perspective. Getting out of your typical routines and problems can change your focus. And sometimes, you just need a break!
Chad and I tend to travel to larger cities that have more to see and to do than Peoria... yet we relax in these environments.
I think we are better able to let go of the problems and challenges we face everyday because they fade in comparison to how large the world is. When we travel, I witness people who have far more than we have, but also people who have much less.
Traveling opens my eyes to so many possibilities. It reminds me that choices result in the changes your life takes, the form of your existence. It makes me feel smaller yet stronger. The world is huge, and there are so many things that can capture your interest and abilities if you just let them.
New York City is enlightening to me. Maybe it's because of all the culture and the constant activity. Maybe it's because of the history and the incredible amounts of immigrants who approached our country for better opportunities. Maybe it's because we get to visit family members who live there and we get a glimpse of the city through their eyes.
I believe it is because of all these reasons and more - wrapped up into one marvelous long weekend.
I am at a crossroads in my life, but I live in Peoria and capable of making things happen. Seeing others, strangers as well as those I love, move on, grow and endure great changes to do so is inspirational. It may not be my time right now to change cities, but I can benefit from the possibility that it may happen someday.
Changes are constant in everyone's life, whether they are chosen or not. Witnessing people leave behind families and friends, risking everything, it helps me believe that I can continue as well. I also gain appreciation for what I do have and that I am able to strive for more.
Chad and I tend to travel to larger cities that have more to see and to do than Peoria... yet we relax in these environments.
I think we are better able to let go of the problems and challenges we face everyday because they fade in comparison to how large the world is. When we travel, I witness people who have far more than we have, but also people who have much less.
Traveling opens my eyes to so many possibilities. It reminds me that choices result in the changes your life takes, the form of your existence. It makes me feel smaller yet stronger. The world is huge, and there are so many things that can capture your interest and abilities if you just let them.
New York City is enlightening to me. Maybe it's because of all the culture and the constant activity. Maybe it's because of the history and the incredible amounts of immigrants who approached our country for better opportunities. Maybe it's because we get to visit family members who live there and we get a glimpse of the city through their eyes.
I believe it is because of all these reasons and more - wrapped up into one marvelous long weekend.
I am at a crossroads in my life, but I live in Peoria and capable of making things happen. Seeing others, strangers as well as those I love, move on, grow and endure great changes to do so is inspirational. It may not be my time right now to change cities, but I can benefit from the possibility that it may happen someday.
Changes are constant in everyone's life, whether they are chosen or not. Witnessing people leave behind families and friends, risking everything, it helps me believe that I can continue as well. I also gain appreciation for what I do have and that I am able to strive for more.
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