This weekend is Daylight Saving Time - that special time of year when we run around the house changing all the clocks one hour ahead. The minute you think you have them all accurate, you find one that still needs an update. Don't forget the one in the car. And now we have to also remember that the smarter clocks change themselves. Ah, technology.
I used to hate Daylight Saving Time. Losing that one precious hour would throw me off until Autumn... when we scramble to update all the clocks once again. We get so giddy about having an "extra hour" in the Fall that we don't realize we probably use all sixty minutes doing this time-change dance each year.
When was the last time you heard of a "drive" for plastics, rubber or newspaper? Clothing designs in the 1940's were altered to reduce "trimmings" so that America wasn't generating unnecessary waste of materials. As conservation efforts for wars have been disregarded, I admit I'm confused why our country still practices this ritual. (Except Arizona, which must still have confusion when calling people in other states.)
Maybe our government leaders just insist on messing with the inner clocks of today's kids since they endured it and survived. Maybe a bill can't be passed to stop the clock shuffles because getting anything passed in D.C. is such a challenge. Or maybe they can't all agree on that either!
However boggled my mind gets on why we do the things we do, now that I'm typically up before sunrise and I yearn to be outside as long as possible - and I just hate being cold - changing my clocks an hour ahead is a chore I now look forward to doing.
More daylight hours means more sunlight and more warmth. Warmth outside, inside and on the deck.
I now love to change the clocks. It symbolizes the changing seasons. Though I am not an advocate of Winter, I am assured that the sun is returning and all will be well again. It is the promise of renewal and reminds me that even cold temperatures, in time, shall pass.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Changing a Path
Give a child the world, and he will grab it with both hands, right?
If two babies are born at the same time - but one has wealthy parents while the other is poor - which one will be successful in life? Of course, that depends a lot on how you view "success." Logic would lead you to believe that money buys what is needed for success... but money can't pay for success any more than it can solely purchase stability, class or happiness. Sure, it makes things easier - how could it not? But does an easy life guarantee a successful path?
Do the expensive exercise plans always lead to success? If two people start the same diet plan, regardless of cost, do they both stick with it?
The difference is motivation. One would guess that motivated adults typically bring up motivated children. Not always true. Motivation is something that has to come from within. Rich or poor, one has to want something so much to do what it takes every day to make it happen.
The best teachers, bosses and even friends have a natural way to encourage others to be or to do their best. I love people like that. Sadly, I am not one of them, but I try to surround myself with them in hopes of learning.
Different things motivate everyone. But you can't influence someone who refuses - sometimes that can backfire. Several people I care about are dealing with family members who are not performing at their best. You can't change someone else - you can only change how you react and respond.
I have an eight-year-old daughter. I have (hopefully) barely lived half my life here on Earth. I do not have life's answers, but I have learned "how not to be" as much as I have from good examples of what I strive to be. The majority of my opinions and thoughts are based upon my own experiences. Parents are supposed to be teachers, not servants, not assistants and not crutches. The job of a parent is to prepare children for life. Real life. Joys as well as disappointments; triumphs as much as challenges.
Bailing out others and enabling them to continue to fail doesn't work. If there is no fear of consequences, behavior won't change. Telling someone she will never succeed doesn't work either - that just lays the path for failure most times. I try to find balance but keep in mind that everyone is different. I've learned the major key, as well, is following through. Too many parents and too many people threaten something, and then cave and don't do it.
Guiding is hard. Guiding is work. But guiding is rewarding. What guides you? What can you do to guide others? And are you guiding them to the right places the right way? Can they change their own path? Can they find their own motivation? What can you do about it... or what do you need to leave alone?
I think of toddlers learning to walk. They stumble, they fall, they -of course- walk to the things they aren't supposed to. But you can't catch them every time. And you can only redirect them so many times before you must let them learn on their own. Motivate and encourage from the sidelines and hope that they find it in themselves.
If two babies are born at the same time - but one has wealthy parents while the other is poor - which one will be successful in life? Of course, that depends a lot on how you view "success." Logic would lead you to believe that money buys what is needed for success... but money can't pay for success any more than it can solely purchase stability, class or happiness. Sure, it makes things easier - how could it not? But does an easy life guarantee a successful path?
Do the expensive exercise plans always lead to success? If two people start the same diet plan, regardless of cost, do they both stick with it?
The difference is motivation. One would guess that motivated adults typically bring up motivated children. Not always true. Motivation is something that has to come from within. Rich or poor, one has to want something so much to do what it takes every day to make it happen.
The best teachers, bosses and even friends have a natural way to encourage others to be or to do their best. I love people like that. Sadly, I am not one of them, but I try to surround myself with them in hopes of learning.
Different things motivate everyone. But you can't influence someone who refuses - sometimes that can backfire. Several people I care about are dealing with family members who are not performing at their best. You can't change someone else - you can only change how you react and respond.
I have an eight-year-old daughter. I have (hopefully) barely lived half my life here on Earth. I do not have life's answers, but I have learned "how not to be" as much as I have from good examples of what I strive to be. The majority of my opinions and thoughts are based upon my own experiences. Parents are supposed to be teachers, not servants, not assistants and not crutches. The job of a parent is to prepare children for life. Real life. Joys as well as disappointments; triumphs as much as challenges.
Bailing out others and enabling them to continue to fail doesn't work. If there is no fear of consequences, behavior won't change. Telling someone she will never succeed doesn't work either - that just lays the path for failure most times. I try to find balance but keep in mind that everyone is different. I've learned the major key, as well, is following through. Too many parents and too many people threaten something, and then cave and don't do it.
Guiding is hard. Guiding is work. But guiding is rewarding. What guides you? What can you do to guide others? And are you guiding them to the right places the right way? Can they change their own path? Can they find their own motivation? What can you do about it... or what do you need to leave alone?
I think of toddlers learning to walk. They stumble, they fall, they -of course- walk to the things they aren't supposed to. But you can't catch them every time. And you can only redirect them so many times before you must let them learn on their own. Motivate and encourage from the sidelines and hope that they find it in themselves.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Change Your Mind?
I hate that phrase. Physically, you cannot alter your mind. You can try. You can tell yourself to be different, read daily affirmations, use medications... and those things may or may not work. But what really happens is that your opinions can alter.
In my own experience, the more I attempt to change my own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, the more I am reminded as to why I had the original opinion in the first place. (For example, someone you really try to like - but their bitter personality continues to push you away.) Conversely, I have been somewhat shocked to know that after holding judgment against something for a long time, I didn't feel strongly about any longer. In some instances, I realized that I even began to agree. (I could use several big, big examples here, but I will just go with food. As a kid, I just couldn't eat salad - now I put extra lettuce, slaw, etc on everything!)
Politicians get reamed for changing their opinions... they get accused of flip-flopping, being deceitful, labeled a fraud. Friends can change in a moment because one situation can bring out something in them that you had not seen before. Think about how many people are in your life because your opinions differ on every topic. I'm guessing there are not many - if you are living your life truly. (We all know there are those who ride coattails and may go along with someone else for fear of rejection. I'm also pretty confident that those people aren't reading this... and if they are, they wouldn't admit it anyway.)
The challenge arises if you are forced to make a choice - one that you felt one way about at first, one that when you are forced to make it again, you feel differently. Think of that one dominant friend in middle school who basically said, "If you are friends with HER, than you are not my friend!"
At the times when I have realized that my opinion has changed, I feel bittersweet. I am proud that I have grown as a person and that my experiences have opened me up to know that there are other ways to feel about something. Yet, I do feel a little sad for the naive part of me that is gone.
It's also important to realize that situations you have endured, others have not faced. The word "ignorance" plays a part again here. Not to be insulting, but the word actually means "a lack of knowledge." The person who has never been in a car accident cannot relate to what it is like. They can imagine it, but they are unaware of the feelings, the thoughts, the results.
Judging others is pretty simple. Anyone can say that "If I were him..." But the truth is we are each made up of our own opinions and feelings based upon our experiences. We don't control what alters them, but we can control how we act based upon those changes. We can choose to open our minds to what someone else has endured - or we can lock ourselves into our own lives and refuse to see others' points of view. Before refusing to "change your mind" about something, give it some thought to see if your opinions are still so solid. You might be surprised.
In my own experience, the more I attempt to change my own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, the more I am reminded as to why I had the original opinion in the first place. (For example, someone you really try to like - but their bitter personality continues to push you away.) Conversely, I have been somewhat shocked to know that after holding judgment against something for a long time, I didn't feel strongly about any longer. In some instances, I realized that I even began to agree. (I could use several big, big examples here, but I will just go with food. As a kid, I just couldn't eat salad - now I put extra lettuce, slaw, etc on everything!)
Politicians get reamed for changing their opinions... they get accused of flip-flopping, being deceitful, labeled a fraud. Friends can change in a moment because one situation can bring out something in them that you had not seen before. Think about how many people are in your life because your opinions differ on every topic. I'm guessing there are not many - if you are living your life truly. (We all know there are those who ride coattails and may go along with someone else for fear of rejection. I'm also pretty confident that those people aren't reading this... and if they are, they wouldn't admit it anyway.)
The challenge arises if you are forced to make a choice - one that you felt one way about at first, one that when you are forced to make it again, you feel differently. Think of that one dominant friend in middle school who basically said, "If you are friends with HER, than you are not my friend!"
At the times when I have realized that my opinion has changed, I feel bittersweet. I am proud that I have grown as a person and that my experiences have opened me up to know that there are other ways to feel about something. Yet, I do feel a little sad for the naive part of me that is gone.
It's also important to realize that situations you have endured, others have not faced. The word "ignorance" plays a part again here. Not to be insulting, but the word actually means "a lack of knowledge." The person who has never been in a car accident cannot relate to what it is like. They can imagine it, but they are unaware of the feelings, the thoughts, the results.
Judging others is pretty simple. Anyone can say that "If I were him..." But the truth is we are each made up of our own opinions and feelings based upon our experiences. We don't control what alters them, but we can control how we act based upon those changes. We can choose to open our minds to what someone else has endured - or we can lock ourselves into our own lives and refuse to see others' points of view. Before refusing to "change your mind" about something, give it some thought to see if your opinions are still so solid. You might be surprised.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Changing Jobs...
Recent articles have published various percentages of American employees being unhappy in their current jobs. The range is 43% to 67%... so we can safely say "about half."
Granted, in this economy, one is lucky to still hold a job. But are you lucky if you hate what you're doing, or where you are working or the people that surround you in your job? What can you do about it?
A revolution of unhappy workers leaving and standing up for something better seems like a preposterous idea (and makes me think of the "Everybody Hurts" video by R.E.M.). Powerful, yes; realistic, sadly no. You certainly can't change others to make you happy nor can you change your entire work surroundings. The only thing you can control the change of is you.
From someone who has changed jobs more than anything else in my life, it's scary, but it is possible. You don't have to quit your current job to find another - but you do have to put yourself out there - again and again.
And if you have lost your job, take it as an opportunity to be more selective with the next role you step into. When bills are stacking up and pressure's on, I know that is a difficult attitude to have, but try. Don't forget that you do have the power to decide what you do every day. Too many people feel trapped - and it shows.
In the meantime, focus on the things about your current job that you DO enjoy. The things that made you agree to be an employee there in the first place. There is a lot of truth to the phrase "want what you have so that you have what you want." Doors open when you aren't looking at them.
Try not to fall into this statistic - it doesn't seem at all a good place to be. Especially when the typical worker spends so many more waking hours at work than at home.
Granted, in this economy, one is lucky to still hold a job. But are you lucky if you hate what you're doing, or where you are working or the people that surround you in your job? What can you do about it?
A revolution of unhappy workers leaving and standing up for something better seems like a preposterous idea (and makes me think of the "Everybody Hurts" video by R.E.M.). Powerful, yes; realistic, sadly no. You certainly can't change others to make you happy nor can you change your entire work surroundings. The only thing you can control the change of is you.
From someone who has changed jobs more than anything else in my life, it's scary, but it is possible. You don't have to quit your current job to find another - but you do have to put yourself out there - again and again.
And if you have lost your job, take it as an opportunity to be more selective with the next role you step into. When bills are stacking up and pressure's on, I know that is a difficult attitude to have, but try. Don't forget that you do have the power to decide what you do every day. Too many people feel trapped - and it shows.
In the meantime, focus on the things about your current job that you DO enjoy. The things that made you agree to be an employee there in the first place. There is a lot of truth to the phrase "want what you have so that you have what you want." Doors open when you aren't looking at them.
Try not to fall into this statistic - it doesn't seem at all a good place to be. Especially when the typical worker spends so many more waking hours at work than at home.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
When Changes Suck...
Is that when you grab a lolly-pop?
See a change you want, and you view it as an opportunity. Have one thrown upon you that you do not want, and you feel oppressed. It's a matter of control.
Most people cannot control the changes that others impose. I'm one of those people. I lack authority and therefore lack influence as well. My opinions probably matter to about three people... maybe five.
The challenge is taking the changes that others make, the ones I do not want, and creating them into opportunities. That requires a lot of optimism and motivation. And putting up with and creating your own bullshit.
Let's be honest. It's about perspective. Sometimes changing your own views (which can involve fooling yourself) can be fairly simple. At those times, I sort of pretend that I don't know all the details. "Ignorance is bliss" is NOT just a phrase.
After years of still learning about myself, I admit it: I am a control freak. I don't want to be a dictator or rule over others, but I only feel good when I know what is going on. When I know expectations and results. I can enjoy improvements completely, but set-backs can freak me out and frustrate me thoroughly. Finding the energy to look on the bright side, make lemonade of lemons and all that crap overwhelms me most the time. I was not built with any optimistic DNA.
"Things work out for the best." Or is that just a lie we tell ourselves to get us through whatever we are up against? There are days I just want to give up. There are days I feel like all that I've tried and achieved doesn't seem to matter. There are days I just don't know what to do or wonder if I WANT to try to do any more.
Is that giving up my control? Maybe my second cup of coffee this morning will provide some answers. Ah, ignorance IS bliss - but coffee and chocolate can always help.
See a change you want, and you view it as an opportunity. Have one thrown upon you that you do not want, and you feel oppressed. It's a matter of control.
Most people cannot control the changes that others impose. I'm one of those people. I lack authority and therefore lack influence as well. My opinions probably matter to about three people... maybe five.
The challenge is taking the changes that others make, the ones I do not want, and creating them into opportunities. That requires a lot of optimism and motivation. And putting up with and creating your own bullshit.
Let's be honest. It's about perspective. Sometimes changing your own views (which can involve fooling yourself) can be fairly simple. At those times, I sort of pretend that I don't know all the details. "Ignorance is bliss" is NOT just a phrase.
After years of still learning about myself, I admit it: I am a control freak. I don't want to be a dictator or rule over others, but I only feel good when I know what is going on. When I know expectations and results. I can enjoy improvements completely, but set-backs can freak me out and frustrate me thoroughly. Finding the energy to look on the bright side, make lemonade of lemons and all that crap overwhelms me most the time. I was not built with any optimistic DNA.
"Things work out for the best." Or is that just a lie we tell ourselves to get us through whatever we are up against? There are days I just want to give up. There are days I feel like all that I've tried and achieved doesn't seem to matter. There are days I just don't know what to do or wonder if I WANT to try to do any more.
Is that giving up my control? Maybe my second cup of coffee this morning will provide some answers. Ah, ignorance IS bliss - but coffee and chocolate can always help.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Changing Your Habits
New Year's Day is arriving. The day recognized to alter habits. New goals and new challenges for a new year.
Tell me I "should" do something, I will immediately not want to do it. Telling myself not to do something, makes it so much more attractive. I don't diet. That is disaster waiting to happen in my opinion and my experience.
Instead, I try to replace bad habits with healthier options. I find that gradual change is an easier change for me. Someone once said to me that "if you do something three times in a row, it can become habit." The trick is doing (or not doing) something so that it becomes automatic. Dictionary.com defines "habit" as just that: an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary.
Prime example: the week of Halloween, I decided that I need to drink less in alcoholic beverages. It's not that I am dependent upon drinking to get through my days or nights... it is just a goal I set and something I wanted to do. I just drink more water and drinking more of something else fills your time (and your tummy). The next thing I knew, I was drinking less wine.
It also makes my fun drinks more rewarding. I appreciate it more. It could even be "reverse-psychology" because I did say to myself that if I can't cut down, I should probably cut it out completely.
As far as foods go, I have found if the fattening foods and sweets aren't in the house, it's far more challenging to eat them! It doesn't mean that I never eat them - especially at THIS time of the year! But Chad and I have found that moderation is the key. Again, with MY personality, if I told myself I would never enjoy chocolate chip cookies or garlic smashed potatoes again, I would specifically desire the two!
So as 2010 approaches, I of course need new goals for myself. It's helpful, too, to look back at what one has accomplished in the past year. It can be encouraging and useful for redirecting in the new year.
Don't be one of those people who say "I'm going to drop 20 pounds this year!!" Make your goals more realistic. If it works for you, you can make it a changing question. Instead you could ask "How can I lose two pounds this month?" "I'll eat salad for lunch twice a week this month." That way if you don't meet your goal the first month, you can either adjust your expectations for the next month or tighten your goal. If your personality suits it, do your challenges each week instead. The logic is, if you can eat a healthy alternative twice a week, increase it to three times a week, etc. In looking at it this way, you also aren't suffering or "starving."
I agree with my friend Amy, who states she doesn't make "resolutions." I prefer to hold them as goals. I don't "resolve" to do anything in the next twelve months, but I will have personal goals and rewards for myself. The improvements (we hope) are in the process of the change. That is, after all, the point.
My personal list isn't finished yet for "Twenty-Ten." I know I want to continue my food-and-beverage plan. I want to increase my running distance. I need to cross-train with another activity. I want to be a great wife and companion to Chad. I want to be a good parent to a marvelous little girl who is turning 8 years old. I will continue to strive to be a reliable and fun friend. I want to participate more in community events and support more local talents. My biggest improvement goal will be in employment. I am working to fine-tune my position and define the areas where I can provide the best use of my talents and abilities.
New Year. New milestones. New achievements. Change is good.
Cheers!!
Tell me I "should" do something, I will immediately not want to do it. Telling myself not to do something, makes it so much more attractive. I don't diet. That is disaster waiting to happen in my opinion and my experience.
Instead, I try to replace bad habits with healthier options. I find that gradual change is an easier change for me. Someone once said to me that "if you do something three times in a row, it can become habit." The trick is doing (or not doing) something so that it becomes automatic. Dictionary.com defines "habit" as just that: an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary.
Prime example: the week of Halloween, I decided that I need to drink less in alcoholic beverages. It's not that I am dependent upon drinking to get through my days or nights... it is just a goal I set and something I wanted to do. I just drink more water and drinking more of something else fills your time (and your tummy). The next thing I knew, I was drinking less wine.
It also makes my fun drinks more rewarding. I appreciate it more. It could even be "reverse-psychology" because I did say to myself that if I can't cut down, I should probably cut it out completely.
As far as foods go, I have found if the fattening foods and sweets aren't in the house, it's far more challenging to eat them! It doesn't mean that I never eat them - especially at THIS time of the year! But Chad and I have found that moderation is the key. Again, with MY personality, if I told myself I would never enjoy chocolate chip cookies or garlic smashed potatoes again, I would specifically desire the two!
So as 2010 approaches, I of course need new goals for myself. It's helpful, too, to look back at what one has accomplished in the past year. It can be encouraging and useful for redirecting in the new year.
Don't be one of those people who say "I'm going to drop 20 pounds this year!!" Make your goals more realistic. If it works for you, you can make it a changing question. Instead you could ask "How can I lose two pounds this month?" "I'll eat salad for lunch twice a week this month." That way if you don't meet your goal the first month, you can either adjust your expectations for the next month or tighten your goal. If your personality suits it, do your challenges each week instead. The logic is, if you can eat a healthy alternative twice a week, increase it to three times a week, etc. In looking at it this way, you also aren't suffering or "starving."
I agree with my friend Amy, who states she doesn't make "resolutions." I prefer to hold them as goals. I don't "resolve" to do anything in the next twelve months, but I will have personal goals and rewards for myself. The improvements (we hope) are in the process of the change. That is, after all, the point.
My personal list isn't finished yet for "Twenty-Ten." I know I want to continue my food-and-beverage plan. I want to increase my running distance. I need to cross-train with another activity. I want to be a great wife and companion to Chad. I want to be a good parent to a marvelous little girl who is turning 8 years old. I will continue to strive to be a reliable and fun friend. I want to participate more in community events and support more local talents. My biggest improvement goal will be in employment. I am working to fine-tune my position and define the areas where I can provide the best use of my talents and abilities.
New Year. New milestones. New achievements. Change is good.
Cheers!!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Change the Menu
I am very thankful... and I love Thanksgiving.
My husband loves to cook, and he is amazing at doing so! Thanksgiving is our holiday of comfort food, spending family time together and - of course - the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade!
Thanksgiving used to be hectic. We would rush from my family's dinner to Chad's family's dinner. We had no time to relax and catch up, and frankly, it was pretty exhausting.
I'm not judging anyone who currently goes through this schedule on Thanksgiving... unfortunately, it's become quite "normal" for the holiday. And some of my friends even enjoy the hustle, bustle and rush.
Growing up, Thanksgiving dinners included turkey, mashed potatoes, and naturally, green bean casserole. However, as I grew older and enjoyed more interesting side dishes, I began to wonder why sometimes people fall into habits of the menu. Do they get lazy? Are they afraid to try something new? Would it destroy the timeline to have everything on the table at once? Do they enjoy cooking or has it become just a labor that they do?
Since there are three of us, we don't have to buy the "big bird." Chad buys a turkey breast, de-bones it (I swear, I am also thankful I did not grow up on a farm!) and stuffs it. The favourites are smoked gouda, proscuitto and asparagus. Honestly, I don't know what any of our grandmothers think about this. My maternal grandma ate it with us one Thanksgiving and did say that it was good... but I know our families think we're a little "fancy" with food sometimes.
So here's the thing - I challenge any Thanksgiving hosts/hostesses out there to try something new this holiday. I'm not saying to alter your entire feast menu - but just one new side dish. It helps you celebrate thankfulness and fun for the holiday. And if it doesn't turn out to be a hit, pitch it and grab a can or two of green beans.
Don't get to cook for the dinner? Bring a new dessert... or shake things up with a cocktail or bottle of wine.
Thanksgiving is about fun and family. How can you change your "menu" and enjoy celebrating all that we have with those that you love?
My husband loves to cook, and he is amazing at doing so! Thanksgiving is our holiday of comfort food, spending family time together and - of course - the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade!
Thanksgiving used to be hectic. We would rush from my family's dinner to Chad's family's dinner. We had no time to relax and catch up, and frankly, it was pretty exhausting.
I'm not judging anyone who currently goes through this schedule on Thanksgiving... unfortunately, it's become quite "normal" for the holiday. And some of my friends even enjoy the hustle, bustle and rush.
Growing up, Thanksgiving dinners included turkey, mashed potatoes, and naturally, green bean casserole. However, as I grew older and enjoyed more interesting side dishes, I began to wonder why sometimes people fall into habits of the menu. Do they get lazy? Are they afraid to try something new? Would it destroy the timeline to have everything on the table at once? Do they enjoy cooking or has it become just a labor that they do?
Since there are three of us, we don't have to buy the "big bird." Chad buys a turkey breast, de-bones it (I swear, I am also thankful I did not grow up on a farm!) and stuffs it. The favourites are smoked gouda, proscuitto and asparagus. Honestly, I don't know what any of our grandmothers think about this. My maternal grandma ate it with us one Thanksgiving and did say that it was good... but I know our families think we're a little "fancy" with food sometimes.
So here's the thing - I challenge any Thanksgiving hosts/hostesses out there to try something new this holiday. I'm not saying to alter your entire feast menu - but just one new side dish. It helps you celebrate thankfulness and fun for the holiday. And if it doesn't turn out to be a hit, pitch it and grab a can or two of green beans.
Don't get to cook for the dinner? Bring a new dessert... or shake things up with a cocktail or bottle of wine.
Thanksgiving is about fun and family. How can you change your "menu" and enjoy celebrating all that we have with those that you love?
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