Years of Change...

The year 2020... so much for the visions of flying cars and teleporting. This particular calendar year provided more challenges, grief and frustration for the world than any other that I can recall in my somewhat-short lifetime.

My daughter finished her high school career taking her courses on-line. Those of us able to continue our jobs all began working remotely.  Travel was limited.  Socializing with friends came to an abrupt halt. Life changed completely for most of us. Hope's relocation to New York City was put on hold... then put on hold a couple more times. As December marked the end of the year, I looked back at how much changed in those twelve months.

In December 2019, I had dropped to the lowest low I remember in decades. Through meditation, fitness and the aid of two life coaches, I found my way back to myself just as the COVID-19 quarantines began and limited all my therapeutic outlets and support network.

Surprisingly, as well, however, I met an incredible man during this pandemic. We met online and then in person outside at a park, which isn't unconventional in a beautiful city like Austin that has an amazing amount of hiking trails, water activities and outdoor venues, but it was definitely one of the few options of meeting during quarantine. It was the flexibility of his personality that led me to meet him in person, social-distanced.  As we talked and learned about one another, I found a soul connection that I did not expect.  As we continue to discover differences, we gravitate to a similar core of beliefs, values and desires.

My exercise classes stopping affecting me drastically.  My fitness community is such a lifeline for me, especially being solo in a new city!  Luckily, we began virtual sessions, which aren't ideal - it's the social aspect and feeling their energy that motivates me! But we have made the best of it, and it has pushed me further out of my comfort zone while showing me new challenges to overcome.

Looking at the New Year, I can't say that my path is clearly set ahead of me - which after the challenges raised in 2020, I think we all share this period of unknown but yet are still hopeful and driven.  I feel so much stronger than I did just a few months ago and definitely better than just thirteen months ago.

Living fully in the present is the key and not an easy task for a personality that is always looking at what the next goal and improvement is going to be.  I have goals and missions, but taking things one day at a time and remaining open to possibilities is the best approach for me.  As one of my wonderful friends reminded me last week, most things in life are not "emergencies." I'm working on perspective... and I am grateful. Always, always grateful.

Imperfect Plans with Perfect Results

Being a perfectionist, my planning has gotten the better of me throughout the years.  Being a perfectionist who is also a mother has proven to be quite a challenge.  As they say, "the best laid plans often go astray."

Over the past eight years, however, I have had plenty of opportunities to change my obsession with things running smoothly.  When I closed my business in 2008, I looked at Hope's summer break from school, and using the actual words of "I plan to be spontaneous," we made lists of how we could spend days together.  She was six years old, by the way, but she shared many ideas of what we could do together throughout the summer.

Not every day went well.  I learned to be flexible when plans had to shift due to weather or places we wanted to visit being closed or any other circumstances.

This past weekend, Hope and I went on a trip together to Schaumburg.  We have traveled together as a duo before, but she's a teenager now, and since beginning my new job, I don't get to spend as much time with her.  Our primary purpose was her dance competition, but it was also Mother's Day, so I was hoping for some much-needed bonding time.  So much has changed with our relationship... I have held a few different jobs since she was six years old.  She has changed schools twice.  She is becoming a remarkable young woman who will enter high school this August.  And I am still working on so much with myself.  There are too many days that I wonder how in the world I am supposed to help this beautiful human become a "grown-up" when I still don't know what I want for my life?!

We had a few glitches in our weekend plans, but overall, we had a fantastic time.  I was easily able to shift my perspective and focus on all the good that happened.  She taught me how to take a "Mirror Selfie" and showed me her daily makeup routine.  She instructed me on how to do a "Messy Bun," but I don't think she ever realized just how much more long, beautiful hair she has then her mom!  She actually had me join her in one of her Phhhoto app videos (I am honored!).

We had long discussions, we danced and sang together in the car, we shopped, we got to be poolside.  We laughed... a lot!  It was a terrific break from routine.  And I think she respects who I am trying to be... or maybe she admires that I am still trying, and that's the point.  She's a person - I will never know all of what she thinks or believes, but I feel she would tell me the truth.

The entire "parenting" plan hasn't played out as I envisioned, but I am truly loving who this daughter of mine is becoming.  It's proof that successful planning is actually doing your best... then letting go and just enjoying what happens.