When I set out on this journey of living alone (pretty much for the first time ever), I knew there would be demons to face - wounds that appeared to be scarred over but were really just covered, not healed.
The big challenge with these demons is that they pop back up when you don't expect them. They catch you unprepared. Peacemaker and people-pleaser, I have been hurt by others, have breached forgiveness and tried my best to keep things smoothed over. I have held back painful words as I didn't want to make things worse. I now realize that isn't good for me, nor for the other person.
"Be a Lady until the end" is what my mom always said, and I excel at rising above and not stooping to anyone's level, but can't I still be feminine while stating the truth? I want to know if I ever hurt anyone - it's the only way to work on improving. So, isn't it also fair to me to enlighten others of their harmful behavior? I didn't realize that perhaps they didn't know. I just figured their actions and words were intentional and obvious.
Having the challenge of wanting everyone to like me, I have actually been disrespecting myself... and not liking myself. Sometimes the truth hurts - it doesn't have to lead to an argument or destroy a relationship unless the other person is unwilling to accept their hurtful actions. In which case, you obviously need to side with yourself - as that is who you are going to be with for the rest of your existence.
This is the "Clear" part of my Cook, Clear & Connect mission. Your connection to self and spiritual guidance can't be as smooth if you have negativity clouding it. Clearing can be painful and the main reason issues are covered is because they are difficult to confront and process.
Showing posts with label hurt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hurt. Show all posts
Sunday, August 13, 2017
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
Disappointment
How drastic do your feelings change for someone when they have hurt you or let you down?
Does it depend on how long you have known the person? How often they seem to have disregard for you? If you see him or her often, do you process the hurt feelings differently? Are you quick to write someone off or do you find yourself giving the culprit chance after chance to make it up to you?
It's been said that there is a very fine line between love and hate. Easy examples are divorce and break-ups. Someone you once committed to spend your existence on the planet with becomes your biggest enemy. And why not? The people who know us the best are able to truly hit us where it hurts the most. They know all our vulnerabilities... all our weaknesses.
I know that pain changes me. I try to gain strength from the hurt, but really I know I just suppress the feelings. I create distance. I am unable to deal. I used to seek other people to fill the void or put additional focus onto projects or activities. I avoid because the "wrong-doer" no longer cares, and that's too painful for me to accept.
Scars are tougher than skin so as to prevent wounds again. Calluses develop to eliminate recurring blisters. But a broken heart can only harden to a cold, hollow space. We try to mend our hearts, but they are continually fragile, and a piece of mine does not return when I have been deeply hurt.
Humans will always let others down. We can't help it - it's our nature and no one is available 100%, 24/7. Most of the time, I like to think I am pretty understanding. While I know I am "high maintenance," I don't expect more from others that I honestly know I can put forth.
Again in life, I believe there is a balance, but also honesty and care. When I do let someone down, I hope that I mean enough, that he or she will call me out on it. If the topic isn't raised, there will be no sense of mending. However, if the hurt is continual, that is when it turns toxic and letting go is the best option.
My own challenge is forgiveness. When I am mistreated and there is no apology, I struggle with letting it go and moving on. I know I take everything far too personally, and I have truly been working on stopping that. It's difficult to change your feelings, but I don't think it's impossible.
Does it depend on how long you have known the person? How often they seem to have disregard for you? If you see him or her often, do you process the hurt feelings differently? Are you quick to write someone off or do you find yourself giving the culprit chance after chance to make it up to you?
It's been said that there is a very fine line between love and hate. Easy examples are divorce and break-ups. Someone you once committed to spend your existence on the planet with becomes your biggest enemy. And why not? The people who know us the best are able to truly hit us where it hurts the most. They know all our vulnerabilities... all our weaknesses.
I know that pain changes me. I try to gain strength from the hurt, but really I know I just suppress the feelings. I create distance. I am unable to deal. I used to seek other people to fill the void or put additional focus onto projects or activities. I avoid because the "wrong-doer" no longer cares, and that's too painful for me to accept.
Scars are tougher than skin so as to prevent wounds again. Calluses develop to eliminate recurring blisters. But a broken heart can only harden to a cold, hollow space. We try to mend our hearts, but they are continually fragile, and a piece of mine does not return when I have been deeply hurt.
Humans will always let others down. We can't help it - it's our nature and no one is available 100%, 24/7. Most of the time, I like to think I am pretty understanding. While I know I am "high maintenance," I don't expect more from others that I honestly know I can put forth.
Again in life, I believe there is a balance, but also honesty and care. When I do let someone down, I hope that I mean enough, that he or she will call me out on it. If the topic isn't raised, there will be no sense of mending. However, if the hurt is continual, that is when it turns toxic and letting go is the best option.
My own challenge is forgiveness. When I am mistreated and there is no apology, I struggle with letting it go and moving on. I know I take everything far too personally, and I have truly been working on stopping that. It's difficult to change your feelings, but I don't think it's impossible.
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