We have all suffered heartbreak and disappointment. Rejection hurts, and I'm not sure it ever gets easier. With all these people roaming our planet, we are blessed to encounter kindred spirits and soul mates. Unfortunately, we meet people who also are some sort of "life lesson" that we may or may not ever understand. People that we believe in and want in our lives, but it doesn't always work out.
It's not always the person that is what we miss so much, though. We miss the expectations and the excitement... the "what could have been." The person is just a person - it's the filter that we used to view them that we need to change in order to heal.
However exciting or attractive or happy this person caused us to feel... we are still the same. We didn't change. Yet, after being hurt or neglected or turned down, we feel less worthy, less appealing, less confident. When they pull their interest or support away, we tend to think that it was something we did or something they learned about us that they didn't like. But it isn't us - it is them.
We are still the awesome, incredible individuals that we were when they entered our lives. We allowed them to control our feelings. With or without intent, we handed over our power. We made them important because we liked, maybe even obsessed over where we imagined the relationship progressing. The possibilities keep us attracted and sometimes blind us.
But they fell short. That isn't our fault, but we do have the abilities to take back our control of our thought patterns and move on. Get the filter off of what the imagination made us see and believe. Sometimes the truth hurts because the reality is so disappointing compared to the initial thoughts.
Expectations can be land mines... try to instead focus on moments as they are. Enjoy them without placing too much invested emotions on where it could lead. Just savor. If the other person is scared or for whatever reason cannot cherish time spent with you, shift your perspective back to you. Know that you deserve better.
Removing the lens hurts, and it can be a long, difficult, sad process. But when you know you are doing it so that your own self-value can shine, it helps. Remember that your view is up to YOU. While others can (and will) let you down, you have the ability to change your perspective and thoughts.
Monday, May 22, 2017
Thursday, May 11, 2017
Walking Away
"When self-respect takes its rightful place in the psyche of a woman, she will not allow herself to be manipulated by anyone." -Indira Mahindra
The human's "fight or flight" response was first described by Walter Bradford Cannon as a physiological reaction that occurs in response to our feelings of attack or stress. But where does the act of just walking away become an option?
Since high school, I have been judged as "running away" from my problems. Yes, I moved the middle of my Junior year to escape a toxic household, but I did so for my own psychiatric health and stability. Of course I have changed jobs when I felt that I was no longer appreciated or wanted to stretch my talents and abilities... sometimes both. I have had to walk away from friendships and relationships that were damaging to my self-esteem. Running away to avoid difficulty is a lot easier than walking away.
I believe when you feel disrespected and you just can't handle it any more, sometimes just removing yourself from a negative situation is truly the best option. You choose your battles, but some situations you can just feel don't hold enough value for the "fight." Your time is precious. If your expectations are continually resulting in disappointment or hurt, it means a change must be made. To me, that indicates the difference of running away in fear or walking away with dignity. It's about your self-value, not about being scared of conflict. In fact, it takes courage and strength - especially if you want to stay. Everyone has their opinion, but you just have to do what you feel is right for yourself. You live with yourself, for yourself, so your feedback is what has to matter the most.
In the end, the truth is eventually revealed. It can be heartbreaking that what you have been working towards or truly enjoying just isn't adding value to your life. Other times, you can see that your efforts just are not going to be enough, no matter what you do.
While running away is a "flight," walking away can be empowering. Especially if you can focus on what you are now heading toward and disregard what you are leaving behind. Moving forward requires exactly that: continuing in a better direction.
The human's "fight or flight" response was first described by Walter Bradford Cannon as a physiological reaction that occurs in response to our feelings of attack or stress. But where does the act of just walking away become an option?
Since high school, I have been judged as "running away" from my problems. Yes, I moved the middle of my Junior year to escape a toxic household, but I did so for my own psychiatric health and stability. Of course I have changed jobs when I felt that I was no longer appreciated or wanted to stretch my talents and abilities... sometimes both. I have had to walk away from friendships and relationships that were damaging to my self-esteem. Running away to avoid difficulty is a lot easier than walking away.
I believe when you feel disrespected and you just can't handle it any more, sometimes just removing yourself from a negative situation is truly the best option. You choose your battles, but some situations you can just feel don't hold enough value for the "fight." Your time is precious. If your expectations are continually resulting in disappointment or hurt, it means a change must be made. To me, that indicates the difference of running away in fear or walking away with dignity. It's about your self-value, not about being scared of conflict. In fact, it takes courage and strength - especially if you want to stay. Everyone has their opinion, but you just have to do what you feel is right for yourself. You live with yourself, for yourself, so your feedback is what has to matter the most.
In the end, the truth is eventually revealed. It can be heartbreaking that what you have been working towards or truly enjoying just isn't adding value to your life. Other times, you can see that your efforts just are not going to be enough, no matter what you do.
While running away is a "flight," walking away can be empowering. Especially if you can focus on what you are now heading toward and disregard what you are leaving behind. Moving forward requires exactly that: continuing in a better direction.
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