Growing up in the Midwest, I never really paid attention to dragonflies. Once I knew they wouldn't sting you like wasps, bees and hornets (ouch!), I just saw them and knew I didn't have to feel fear.
Recently in Texas, hanging out with a friend at her pool, a dragonfly landed on me, and she told me it was "good luck." Laughing, I said that I could use a lot more dragonflies then! It did return a couple of times, landing on me now and again, and I thanked the little beauty... just in case it was actually trying to provide me some good vibes.
Two days later, at our apartment pool, three different dragonflies kept landing on me - the funniest was a blue on my nose... and yes, one decided to rest on my butt for a bit! Thinking of what Angie suggested about "luck," I referred to Google for some information.
Of course there is no way to know - every interaction is based on your own perception - but after reading that they carry "wisdom of transformation and adaptability in life," I feel that these little creatures are trying to remind me of my goals. To Clear my head and get rid of all the baggage that no longer serves me; to Connect spiritually to God and nature and all the Powers That Be; to Continue to grow and develop and flourish as the best person I can be. To not give up. Keep looking inward for clarity and know that I am glorious and loving and encouraging. Success is my own measure, and I have so many blessings.
My journey is nowhere close to being complete - besides, what would I do if it were? Relax? Not likely. But perhaps these aerial beings are coming to me to alert me to lighten up.
I'd like to believe they are sharing the following with me: Problems aren't generally solved quickly - especially the big ones. True solutions take time. Patience is a gift and needs to be practiced to be performed well. Stay light and adaptable, like the dragonflies, and ride on the winds of life. You'll arrive where you are meant to be, and you'll know when you get there. "Stay open to the enfoldment of your personal journey." I like it... maybe I need another tattoo.
My Google reading sources:
http://www.spiritanimal.info/dragonfly-spirit-animal/
https://themoonlightshop.com/blogs/news/17224984-dragonflies-and-you
Tuesday, May 29, 2018
Tuesday, May 15, 2018
Waiting for the Right Time...
I hold on to the belief that everything happens for a reason. Experiences shape our character and the people we meet affect our personality.
When I moved to Austin in August (2017), I did not feel ready to leave. Yes, I was determined and I admit that I was pretty damn excited, but I did not feel it was the right time to leave my friends and to move my daughter in her high school experience. The latter happened to me, and I hated it and have held the extreme disappointment ever since. I did make forever-friends in Wisconsin who I truly wish I could see a lot more often... but I am still upset that I did not get the "Senior Night on the football track" for Dance Team, and now, neither will my beautiful, talented, stunning daughter. But Hope is not me. She is stronger and wiser and has appreciation for the much broader scope of life that this relocation has provided.
My teenage daughter recognized it before I was able to do so. I love Peoria... but I did feel limited there. I pushed to own my own business, networked, and did all I could to feel successful. But shifting to a larger city in a climate that is much more suited to my hot blood... I know it was the right thing to do.
Given choices, I put off moving for her to have the High School experience that I had wanted... but things never go as I plan, and my daughter is flourishing. We have a very open friendship now, too, and I am finally able to celebrate that she actually likes me, wants to spend time with me and holds respect for me that I made a drastic move in hopes to improve life for all three of us.
If I had waited for the "right" time, I don't think any of this would have happened. I would not know myself as well as I do at this moment (and I still have a lot left to learn!), and I don't think I would hold so much continued excitement for the future.
I still don't know if Austin will be where I stay, but it is definitely my HOME right now. "When nothing is certain, anything is possible." There is a whole, big world out there... And the time to take leaps is always "right" because not only will everything be okay - things can be amazing if you just stop thinking and take the chance.
When I moved to Austin in August (2017), I did not feel ready to leave. Yes, I was determined and I admit that I was pretty damn excited, but I did not feel it was the right time to leave my friends and to move my daughter in her high school experience. The latter happened to me, and I hated it and have held the extreme disappointment ever since. I did make forever-friends in Wisconsin who I truly wish I could see a lot more often... but I am still upset that I did not get the "Senior Night on the football track" for Dance Team, and now, neither will my beautiful, talented, stunning daughter. But Hope is not me. She is stronger and wiser and has appreciation for the much broader scope of life that this relocation has provided.
My teenage daughter recognized it before I was able to do so. I love Peoria... but I did feel limited there. I pushed to own my own business, networked, and did all I could to feel successful. But shifting to a larger city in a climate that is much more suited to my hot blood... I know it was the right thing to do.
Given choices, I put off moving for her to have the High School experience that I had wanted... but things never go as I plan, and my daughter is flourishing. We have a very open friendship now, too, and I am finally able to celebrate that she actually likes me, wants to spend time with me and holds respect for me that I made a drastic move in hopes to improve life for all three of us.
If I had waited for the "right" time, I don't think any of this would have happened. I would not know myself as well as I do at this moment (and I still have a lot left to learn!), and I don't think I would hold so much continued excitement for the future.
I still don't know if Austin will be where I stay, but it is definitely my HOME right now. "When nothing is certain, anything is possible." There is a whole, big world out there... And the time to take leaps is always "right" because not only will everything be okay - things can be amazing if you just stop thinking and take the chance.
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
Another Year - an Unusual Year - Passes...
Another birthday passes, and this one was quite unusual. I trusted friends who encouraged me that "the 40's" were going to be great - that you finally "know yourself" and are comfortable in your skin. After moving to Austin nine months ago, that's certainly not my experience! Not yet, anyway.
I was making progress solo in ATX, though. Sure, I'm not currently pursuing my passion in a career. I'm not living in a space that is where I want to be after my daughter graduates high school. I've accepted that I will never inhabit the body of my choice, and I work with what I was given. But I continue to try to figure out my purpose in this world, and I don't feel remotely close.
My first birthday as an Austin resident was spent in my hometown of Peoria, Illinois. My sophomore daughter was invited to a prom, so - as a great parent would do, right? - I bought plane tickets and decided her monumental weekend was more important than another birthday in my books.
Then - the Illinois boyfriend broke up with my princess. We had already purchased the dress, bought the shoes, notified some friends... so, I let her decide if we should cancel. She asked if we could enjoy a "Girls Trip" weekend, or as I call it Non-Prom. "Sure! Sounds like fun!" I thought.
Central Illinois had beautiful weather during our visit - but still certainly not warm enough to keep me there. It really was terrific to see so many of my amazing and wonderful friends. Moving 1,000 miles away and leaving most of the people I love has been difficult. I have questioned my decision at least a million times. But yes, I did the right thing by leaving. Growth and development demand change - and I had been in great need of major change for several years.
For those I was able to see - even briefly - it meant so very much to me. It is not being able to see my friends that are so far away that makes my heart ache the most. Reflecting as we made our way back to Texas, I hope that seeing me wasn't a disappointment to anyone. I am still evolving, and I have a lot left to resolve and heal.
I know I don't belong in Peoria anymore, but I'm not sure I belong in Austin. Maybe I will never really feel like I belong anywhere... but I'm stuck with me for the rest of my life, and I will have to keep working on it
I was making progress solo in ATX, though. Sure, I'm not currently pursuing my passion in a career. I'm not living in a space that is where I want to be after my daughter graduates high school. I've accepted that I will never inhabit the body of my choice, and I work with what I was given. But I continue to try to figure out my purpose in this world, and I don't feel remotely close.
My first birthday as an Austin resident was spent in my hometown of Peoria, Illinois. My sophomore daughter was invited to a prom, so - as a great parent would do, right? - I bought plane tickets and decided her monumental weekend was more important than another birthday in my books.
Then - the Illinois boyfriend broke up with my princess. We had already purchased the dress, bought the shoes, notified some friends... so, I let her decide if we should cancel. She asked if we could enjoy a "Girls Trip" weekend, or as I call it Non-Prom. "Sure! Sounds like fun!" I thought.
Central Illinois had beautiful weather during our visit - but still certainly not warm enough to keep me there. It really was terrific to see so many of my amazing and wonderful friends. Moving 1,000 miles away and leaving most of the people I love has been difficult. I have questioned my decision at least a million times. But yes, I did the right thing by leaving. Growth and development demand change - and I had been in great need of major change for several years.
For those I was able to see - even briefly - it meant so very much to me. It is not being able to see my friends that are so far away that makes my heart ache the most. Reflecting as we made our way back to Texas, I hope that seeing me wasn't a disappointment to anyone. I am still evolving, and I have a lot left to resolve and heal.
I know I don't belong in Peoria anymore, but I'm not sure I belong in Austin. Maybe I will never really feel like I belong anywhere... but I'm stuck with me for the rest of my life, and I will have to keep working on it
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