Let me start by stating that I think everyone's "Relationship Status" is Complicated. Together, apart; straight, bi; single, married - all relationships have challenges. People strive for a perfection that doesn't exist. I have yet to view too many people post an argument, a betrayal, a disappointment on social media. And as humans, we all have them, so I thank you all for having maturity and respect in that manner. (Or you just discovered that I don't follow you on social media.)
I recently read this quote by Delia Mooney:
"the truth is, according to multiple studies referenced in her book, almost everything we think we know about the benefits of marriage or
the dangers of staying single are completely exaggerated and often,
just plain wrong. Case in point: Married people are not necessarily
happier than single people."
I do not regret marrying Chad when I did. Yes, we were very young, but I still believe, regardless of age, we are meant to continue to always grow and evolve as people. The goal is to do it together - not to become the same person, but to fully support one another in your similarities and even more so in the differences. Time that passes when you begin down separate paths can make it more difficult to reconnect.
Most marriages have a common flow... excitement to comfort, maybe to a little boredom, then back to reconnecting... I do wish I had handled things differently, but looking back at decisions and questioning what was done doesn't change the future. The steps taken every day from here and now form the path ahead.
Evolving and growing requires change. It happened to me without my even being aware. I found myself in a Midwest role that I knew I wasn't fully enjoying, but I was making the most of it. I was pretty excited to have the opportunities I had in Peoria. Being on stage, encouraging JFL cheerleaders, being a volunteer for non-profits and celebrating the business community, I definitely found ways to love my life!
I would never have chosen the circumstances that pushed me to move to Austin, Texas. I wanted Chad to get a new job and have to move because of his career. I didn't want to instigate such drastic differences. I was terrified, but I focused on the excitement... on what could be. It was frightening and intimidating, but I realized I would have stayed complacent in Illinois if I hadn't taken the risk. Just going through the motions of living and trying to amplify the bits of happiness that I created... and that's not the best life to live.
Not only am I a different woman from when I was a young bride, but my identity has changed so much through the years since. I am supportive of the "Texas Girl" I have become. Many more changes still lie ahead, but I have nothing but to be ready and focus on becoming who I am meant to be... whoever she is.
Monday, December 2, 2019
Friday, April 19, 2019
Adjustments to Expectations
"You can't move on to a new life until you unpack the old one - or burn it down to the ground." - Danielle LaPorte
Most times I don't want to watch it burn... There were so many aspects of my life in Illinois that I loved, but there is a balance of letting things go in order to free you for what is possible. I honestly didn't think of my move as starting a "new life." I just focused on the opportunities and the excitement. Definitely the excitement.
Throughout my relocation, I limited the amount of time that I looked at the life I was leaving. I still do. The pain, hurt and sadness is too much. It was definitely flawed and challenging, as most lives are, but I directed my attention on what I needed to do.
It's not quite been two years yet, but I know I was changing for a while before my job offer from Austin was extended.
Driving around different parts of my new city, I already have feelings of nostalgia from my arrival and acclimating. It hasn't gone nearly as smoothly as I had hoped, yet, when I look at my current life, I still find the belief that it will somehow all be okay. And there is still a slim chance that it will even work out to be fantastic
So, there is a balance between treasuring memories and directing attention to what lies ahead. I remain open to chances and being mindful to live my current life one moment at a time. Every moment is about the perspective you have with it. I am not where I want to be... but I am closer than I have ever been, and there is a lot to enjoy.
Most times I don't want to watch it burn... There were so many aspects of my life in Illinois that I loved, but there is a balance of letting things go in order to free you for what is possible. I honestly didn't think of my move as starting a "new life." I just focused on the opportunities and the excitement. Definitely the excitement.
Throughout my relocation, I limited the amount of time that I looked at the life I was leaving. I still do. The pain, hurt and sadness is too much. It was definitely flawed and challenging, as most lives are, but I directed my attention on what I needed to do.
It's not quite been two years yet, but I know I was changing for a while before my job offer from Austin was extended.
Driving around different parts of my new city, I already have feelings of nostalgia from my arrival and acclimating. It hasn't gone nearly as smoothly as I had hoped, yet, when I look at my current life, I still find the belief that it will somehow all be okay. And there is still a slim chance that it will even work out to be fantastic
So, there is a balance between treasuring memories and directing attention to what lies ahead. I remain open to chances and being mindful to live my current life one moment at a time. Every moment is about the perspective you have with it. I am not where I want to be... but I am closer than I have ever been, and there is a lot to enjoy.
Sunday, January 27, 2019
Change of Year
The first month of the New Year closes this week opening up to February. January 27th, and I have not set any true goals for myself for 2019. I want new achievements, but after the past couple of years, reflecting on my life, I'm sorta out of ideas... kind of sick of the roller coaster, too.
Yet, the last four weeks have surprised me with new opportunities and abilities already! Usually, when I set out to "get something," it seems to shift further from my grasp. And amazing experiences were able to be mine without my asking, but based on just who I am (Nutcracker, JFL Cheer, bridal show modeling...).
My life just sort of "happens" to me. If I want something and go after it, it inevitably becomes an even greater challenge. All things have been difficult except for obtaining certification as a Professional Event Coordinator. While I had to study and pass exams, it went well, and I even achieved Honors in three of the five courses.
However, that was the easiest part. Once I held the piece of paper, I had to struggle to find clients... so that I could work my ass off for them. It was intimidating to approach wedding and event businesses and "sell myself" to them, as well. For fifteen years, I was able to fill a role that I loved, but it wasn't easy. I tired of the stress of never knowing how many clients I could land, and being a Type A personality, I needed stability.
For the past year, I have had a similar experience with my Wellness certifications. Instead of traveling, I submitted videos of my classes to apply after studying the course work. That led to a conference call to review my submissions... For someone who can't stand seeing herself on video, yeah that comfort zone was out of sight. Then, hooray! The official document arrived! Let the connections in the Austin fitness community begin! ....Or not. Well, slowly. So far, I have met a handful of awesome people who, if they haven't helped me, they have at least provided encouragement. But I have had to face a lot of rejections if any reply at all. My friend Angie reminds me that I've accomplished a lot in the first six, now twelve months of this endeavor.
If I weren't employed at a state agency office, okay, a "quasi agency" since the facilities management office refuses to allow me to reserve my own spaces for classes, my challenges would be even bigger. And the women (and men!) I have been blessed to meet teaching around the Capitol have been so incredibly inspiring and amazing! Maybe I am biased, but I think it takes even more courage to workout in the middle of the day and go back to your desk with "gym hair." For my class in particular, working out to some funky dance moves with co-workers... that requires even more of getting out of your comfort zone! I am both, proud and so impressed by this crew!
I was so blessed to open my class to the public at Arthur Murray Dance Studios, where I did not gain any new participants. My friends and state employees came, along with my amazing daughter. Then I met the incredible Sonnie at Lache Movement, where three new people attended my class, which made me super happy! With the holidays, I didn't set any new dates and instead focused on learning three new routines to rotate into the mix as well as a new Warm Up song.
So, I was pretty content with it at the time... which in my life, is when things happen! I was invited to hold a demo class at an apartment complex, and afterwards, I was asked if I could start doing the class for locations with which the company has fitness agreements. In February, I will start holding classes for Shape Up Corporate Fitness at a few buildings around Austin. Angie had suggested this a year ago when my 'location search' began, but I had no one specific to contact. The places I emailed never replied, so I completely lost hope for doing it.
And voila! Here we are.
For 2019, I think my main "resolution" is to sincerely lighten up more about my path and really, REALLY hold on to my mantra of "When nothing is certain, anything is possible." (Mandy Hale)
For the rest of my mission of wellness, I have started two new books and listened to a few recordings as the main accomplishment I want to make this year is believing in myself and being more "me." Whatever that is. Personalities change, preferences change, the things that light the spark into a fire inside you change. None of us have it all "figured out" because life cannot be completely determined. At least not in my case. Honestly, I don't want it to be. I can say at least I'm not bored! Frustrated, quite a bit. Frightened, of course. But I'm interested to see how my new year unfolds, and it's already been pretty exciting with a lot of potential.
Please comment with your new goals or any situations you have had like mine. It would help to know I'm not the only one! Cheers to you for 2019 - I hope it has started well and is amazing for you!
Yet, the last four weeks have surprised me with new opportunities and abilities already! Usually, when I set out to "get something," it seems to shift further from my grasp. And amazing experiences were able to be mine without my asking, but based on just who I am (Nutcracker, JFL Cheer, bridal show modeling...).
My life just sort of "happens" to me. If I want something and go after it, it inevitably becomes an even greater challenge. All things have been difficult except for obtaining certification as a Professional Event Coordinator. While I had to study and pass exams, it went well, and I even achieved Honors in three of the five courses.
However, that was the easiest part. Once I held the piece of paper, I had to struggle to find clients... so that I could work my ass off for them. It was intimidating to approach wedding and event businesses and "sell myself" to them, as well. For fifteen years, I was able to fill a role that I loved, but it wasn't easy. I tired of the stress of never knowing how many clients I could land, and being a Type A personality, I needed stability.
For the past year, I have had a similar experience with my Wellness certifications. Instead of traveling, I submitted videos of my classes to apply after studying the course work. That led to a conference call to review my submissions... For someone who can't stand seeing herself on video, yeah that comfort zone was out of sight. Then, hooray! The official document arrived! Let the connections in the Austin fitness community begin! ....Or not. Well, slowly. So far, I have met a handful of awesome people who, if they haven't helped me, they have at least provided encouragement. But I have had to face a lot of rejections if any reply at all. My friend Angie reminds me that I've accomplished a lot in the first six, now twelve months of this endeavor.
If I weren't employed at a state agency office, okay, a "quasi agency" since the facilities management office refuses to allow me to reserve my own spaces for classes, my challenges would be even bigger. And the women (and men!) I have been blessed to meet teaching around the Capitol have been so incredibly inspiring and amazing! Maybe I am biased, but I think it takes even more courage to workout in the middle of the day and go back to your desk with "gym hair." For my class in particular, working out to some funky dance moves with co-workers... that requires even more of getting out of your comfort zone! I am both, proud and so impressed by this crew!
I was so blessed to open my class to the public at Arthur Murray Dance Studios, where I did not gain any new participants. My friends and state employees came, along with my amazing daughter. Then I met the incredible Sonnie at Lache Movement, where three new people attended my class, which made me super happy! With the holidays, I didn't set any new dates and instead focused on learning three new routines to rotate into the mix as well as a new Warm Up song.
So, I was pretty content with it at the time... which in my life, is when things happen! I was invited to hold a demo class at an apartment complex, and afterwards, I was asked if I could start doing the class for locations with which the company has fitness agreements. In February, I will start holding classes for Shape Up Corporate Fitness at a few buildings around Austin. Angie had suggested this a year ago when my 'location search' began, but I had no one specific to contact. The places I emailed never replied, so I completely lost hope for doing it.
And voila! Here we are.
For 2019, I think my main "resolution" is to sincerely lighten up more about my path and really, REALLY hold on to my mantra of "When nothing is certain, anything is possible." (Mandy Hale)
For the rest of my mission of wellness, I have started two new books and listened to a few recordings as the main accomplishment I want to make this year is believing in myself and being more "me." Whatever that is. Personalities change, preferences change, the things that light the spark into a fire inside you change. None of us have it all "figured out" because life cannot be completely determined. At least not in my case. Honestly, I don't want it to be. I can say at least I'm not bored! Frustrated, quite a bit. Frightened, of course. But I'm interested to see how my new year unfolds, and it's already been pretty exciting with a lot of potential.
Please comment with your new goals or any situations you have had like mine. It would help to know I'm not the only one! Cheers to you for 2019 - I hope it has started well and is amazing for you!
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