I didn't move from Peoria because I was unhappy. I adore my friends, I enjoyed my job, I loved being a "Dunlap Mom," I appreciated networking with the Peoria Chamber of Commerce, I was so excited to perform for The Peoria Ballet. I sought to relocate to Austin for my husband to find work and provide my daughter more opportunities for her future.
And now, almost five months after leaving everyone I love, here we are in Texas. My husband still is not employed, and my daughter isn't allowed to audition for the high school dance team until next November due to their strange policies. Too often, I question what I have done.
There are still benefits from the major changes, though. I have learned so much about myself. Regardless of the set backs I suffered and the always-present self-doubt, I have succeeded over so many challenges that I have surprised myself. Being new to the city, I have already met some incredible people and started some terrific friendships. In a new position, I have slowly learned more about law, legal aid, hurricane disasters and Texans than I thought possible.
Thanks to social media, I am able to keep in touch with my friends and get to know new ones. I have joined a private group of women all new to Austin, which is helpful to not feel alone in the transition. Making such a huge change in your life is frightening and intimidating... but giving up and retreating home is terrifying to me in an entirely different way. Growing and changing isn't easy. If it were simple, anyone could do it at any time.
I don't have many regrets in my life. Most are actually things I didn't have the courage to do. And I don't regret moving to Austin. Everyone has doubts, and as long as a lesson is presented, learning is a gift, which can sometimes be painful. I am not one to give up - like, ever. I move on, but I don't give up. Not only am I continuously encouraged by some very dear friends (y'all know who you are!), but I am also getting motivated to achieve some new goals in the new year.
It's a struggle - some days are a lot more difficult than others, but I am getting seriously inspired by all that is possible in 2018 and on! "That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger!"
Tuesday, December 19, 2017
Monday, December 4, 2017
Defining a Dream: aspiration, goal, aim
When I moved to Austin in August, I had a mission. Creating a Facebook page, I documented my challenges, reflected on my goals, endured sorrow, felt happiness... While I have learned a lot about myself, I also know I still have a long way to go.
The fact that has hit me the past couple weeks, however, is that I can't articulate any dreams or aspirations. Aside from developing self-worth with a hope to end up liking myself, I don't have any goals that I would label with that word.
For years, I was able to perform my "dream job" as an event planning coordinator... but my career path was altered for income needs. As I evolve in my abilities and talents, I am completely clueless as to what is next, if anything, when it comes to my employment. Most of my jobs have just, sort of, happened. In fact, most things in my life have just happened when I had the least expectations. I haven't had those experiences of "going for it" and landing a dream gig or a perfect home. My favorite roles, either took years to work out or were just incredibly difficult to finally happen. Others that I yearned for just never panned out.
Establishing new steps the past few years has become holistic for me. I have had to put myself out there, but not get my hopes up and be quite autonomous about the outcomes of job applications, interviews and places to live. Throughout it all, I would remind myself not to become excited at the possibilities because of the chances of being selected are always unknown.
Yet, I feel I need - and should - have a drive to accomplish more than "figuring myself out" or "finding out who I am." I do understand though, that what I am doing IS an incredible challenge. It is continuing to be a big commitment to keep at it.
Sometimes I am excited, while others, I just feel lost and powerless. Which, I guess, is life. "When nothing is certain, anything is possible." I just need to establish a few fluid goals and perhaps my "dream" will show itself when it's time.
The fact that has hit me the past couple weeks, however, is that I can't articulate any dreams or aspirations. Aside from developing self-worth with a hope to end up liking myself, I don't have any goals that I would label with that word.
For years, I was able to perform my "dream job" as an event planning coordinator... but my career path was altered for income needs. As I evolve in my abilities and talents, I am completely clueless as to what is next, if anything, when it comes to my employment. Most of my jobs have just, sort of, happened. In fact, most things in my life have just happened when I had the least expectations. I haven't had those experiences of "going for it" and landing a dream gig or a perfect home. My favorite roles, either took years to work out or were just incredibly difficult to finally happen. Others that I yearned for just never panned out.
Establishing new steps the past few years has become holistic for me. I have had to put myself out there, but not get my hopes up and be quite autonomous about the outcomes of job applications, interviews and places to live. Throughout it all, I would remind myself not to become excited at the possibilities because of the chances of being selected are always unknown.
Yet, I feel I need - and should - have a drive to accomplish more than "figuring myself out" or "finding out who I am." I do understand though, that what I am doing IS an incredible challenge. It is continuing to be a big commitment to keep at it.
Sometimes I am excited, while others, I just feel lost and powerless. Which, I guess, is life. "When nothing is certain, anything is possible." I just need to establish a few fluid goals and perhaps my "dream" will show itself when it's time.
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