Years of Change...

The year 2020... so much for the visions of flying cars and teleporting. This particular calendar year provided more challenges, grief and frustration for the world than any other that I can recall in my somewhat-short lifetime.

My daughter finished her high school career taking her courses on-line. Those of us able to continue our jobs all began working remotely.  Travel was limited.  Socializing with friends came to an abrupt halt. Life changed completely for most of us. Hope's relocation to New York City was put on hold... then put on hold a couple more times. As December marked the end of the year, I looked back at how much changed in those twelve months.

In December 2019, I had dropped to the lowest low I remember in decades. Through meditation, fitness and the aid of two life coaches, I found my way back to myself just as the COVID-19 quarantines began and limited all my therapeutic outlets and support network.

Surprisingly, as well, however, I met an incredible man during this pandemic. We met online and then in person outside at a park, which isn't unconventional in a beautiful city like Austin that has an amazing amount of hiking trails, water activities and outdoor venues, but it was definitely one of the few options of meeting during quarantine. It was the flexibility of his personality that led me to meet him in person, social-distanced.  As we talked and learned about one another, I found a soul connection that I did not expect.  As we continue to discover differences, we gravitate to a similar core of beliefs, values and desires.

My exercise classes stopping affecting me drastically.  My fitness community is such a lifeline for me, especially being solo in a new city!  Luckily, we began virtual sessions, which aren't ideal - it's the social aspect and feeling their energy that motivates me! But we have made the best of it, and it has pushed me further out of my comfort zone while showing me new challenges to overcome.

Looking at the New Year, I can't say that my path is clearly set ahead of me - which after the challenges raised in 2020, I think we all share this period of unknown but yet are still hopeful and driven.  I feel so much stronger than I did just a few months ago and definitely better than just thirteen months ago.

Living fully in the present is the key and not an easy task for a personality that is always looking at what the next goal and improvement is going to be.  I have goals and missions, but taking things one day at a time and remaining open to possibilities is the best approach for me.  As one of my wonderful friends reminded me last week, most things in life are not "emergencies." I'm working on perspective... and I am grateful. Always, always grateful.

Affirmations and Perspective

Affirmations are statements that we can repeat to ourselves that can redirect our perspective, which is our attitude and outlook on our lives.

There are so many negative people, and unfortunately, more are being created every day.  Poor souls that just want to bring you down and make you feel inferior.  It is difficult for me to remember that this behavior is so much more about "them" than it is about me.  It is challenging for me to not take things personally and back up to see the bigger picture.

I am so blessed with a tremendous support team.  I am loved and cared for and encouraged by so many amazing, talented people.  I need to remember to give those people the megaphones and redirect my attention away from the doubters and haters - even when the loudest one happens to be me.

It is very easy for me to allow the negativity to pull me down and to focus on all that is going wrong or areas of my life that feel completely out of my control.  Thankfully, I have the glimmer of words spoken to me or written to me that live in my memory.  Devoting my attention to those reminders and absorbing them as much as possible truly helps me rise above the struggles and just keep going.

Amplifying the positive statements and pulling them into the spotlight helps me to continue to be my best and push to be even better.  I've worked too hard on myself to quit and give up... and I owe it to all those I adore and treasure to keep inspiring them as they encourage me.  Low moments make me vulnerable, but rising back up helps me to be courageous, which is the goal after all.  Out of the comfort zone.  Evolving.  It isn't easy - which is why most people don't want to do it. 

Travel Perspective

One year ago, I adventured on my first "Girls Trip" - which is sort of a half truth - as I embarked on a flight to Las Vegas solo to visit my high school "bestie" at her house.

Even with delays, a major lack of customer service, surprise "pat downs" because of the jewels on my shirt, I do love to travel.

I will say, however, my horrible experiences with Allegiant Air did actually restore my faith in good people as well.  Meeting others in my ridiculous situation and being able to laugh together about an additional delay because a lavatory wasn't emptied during the 12 hours it sat at PIA (after our initial delays) led to bonding.

In a world when most people stare at their phones and avoid eye contact, the travel issues and overall hatred toward Allegiant provided reasons to interact and get to know each other.  It was incredible.

I love random conversations, too.  I enjoy being reminded that there are millions of people in the world - so many of them are amazingly interesting and cool.

Travel reminds me that while I think my challenges are large enough to consume me, I am just a speck on this huge planet. Taking any moment to escape the norm, explore cities, learn about other diverse people and the landscapes they know... that is what I love.

So, one year later, financial circumstances have shut down my ability to travel at this time.  Never again via Allegiant, but I yearn to do it again... one day.

Our Reactions to Change

So much of our experience with change is perception. When we learn of something changing in our life, some of us immediately spring to a "life is over!" mentality. Other times, what seems like something so exciting can end up being a disappointment.

Changes are inevitable. People will move, people will die, new people will enter. Some changes are loss, while others can be a blessing. Either way, it is not the change that we can control, but we can work on our interpretation of it.

I used to have a sort of mental checklist that I used for happiness, as I am confident most people do. College, marriage, buy a home, upgrade the home, expand the family, travel... I am willing to bet, however, no one includes in that list to have their closest friends move, lose a child, have their employer terminate their position. So while we do plan for come changes, others knock us off course because we are unprepared and those changes are not wanted.

Some view me as 'pessimistic,' while I just think of myself as 'realistic.' Bad things happen - let me correct that: things happen which we interpret are "bad" in our opinions. I do not start everyday thinking "oh, no, WHAT will go wrong today?!" Yet I probably do begin every morning ready to troubleshoot any challenges. It has taken time, years actually, to be stuck behind an idiot in Peoria (yes, there are quite a few who don't truly understand the "fast lane" option in traffic), and instead of riding their back bumper and cursing them under my breath, I take a moment to realize that I am behind them for some reason. Too Zen for you? Just try it - at least for a while. Your heart rate will appreciate it, at least.

When you can let go of the "oh, this is horrible!" or "WHY does this always happen to me?!" mentality, it's pretty enlightening to just give that situation to a greater power. Whether you believe that God places everyone everywhere or in the balance of Karma or that life has ups and downs, it can be pretty therapeutic to "let it go" and just live. (With no pesky bill at the end of the session, too, by the way.)

With every change, you have a choice - you can be angry and resistant, and learn that you have no power, or you can look for any good in it and treat it as a new opportunity. If you honestly cannot find any positives about a situation, then at least it is a sign to let go and move on with something else. Life is short and there is much to do.

A Lot Can Happen in a Year...

April 30 will mark the anniversary of Chad losing his full-time job. This past year has been full of new challenges.

Trying to be optimistic, I am attempting to focus on surpassing all the new changes. Good and bad, a lot has happened in the past year. Special people have passed away; babies have been born; seasons have come and gone... but ultimately, some very core things for me are just, well - different.

Friends have disappointed me, surprisingly so. Employers have disrespected me, but honestly, I probably should have expected. But in the sadness, some people have surfaced in my life bringing me new-found hope. Some relationships have strengthened, giving me encouragement and joy.

Resistance to change is what frustrates us. When we can focus our energy on the positive improvements, we can have faith that all things happen for a reason and that everything really will be okay. I am still adjusting - not having steady, predictable income to pay bills and save for big-ticket items or vacations does drive me insane. However, fighting it doesn't help. So, I continue to reflect on all the terrific things that have occurred in the past twelve months and trust in the future.

That in itself helps me look forward to the next twelve months... and on. There will be more difficulties, but there will also be more celebrations. Soaking up the fun moments helps us all get through the complicated times.

Change Your Locks

Last week, I was sternly informed by my seven year old daughter not to call myself "stupid." "Idiot" is not allowed, either... nor the many more profane descriptions that were swirling around in my head that (thankfully!) did not escape my mouth in front of her.

My husband was in California on business, and on the day of his return, I locked us out of our house.

Ironic since I had left to pick up my daughter from school, get her changed for her ballet class and pack the prepared snacks for the car trip from dance to her Brownie meeting. I was feeling pretty good about handling such a day "all on my own." His flight wasn't due to arrive until 11 P.M. that night.

Is it that these things really do happen when you're feeling at your best - or is it just that they are so much more noticeable? Like red stoplights when you are driving in a hurry. When you aren't late, the green lights aren't nearly as appreciated... they just are what they are, green.

Hope helped me deal with the situation. She was quite matter-of-fact and very supportive... of course, that did not stop her from telling everyone we encountered how foolish her mother had been. (It's okay - I'm laughing about it now.)

We discussed the ability to cope, problem solve and deal with not being able to control a situation. It also led to us talking about homeless people - those who live in cars when they have to, as well as those who don't even own the luxury of a car. It ended up being a life lesson, and we spent some quality time together.

Her words have echoed in my mind since that day, however. I've been reflecting on the negative messages our brains send to the subconscious (stupid, foolish, dumb), and how their impact affects me so much more than positives (pride, triumph, success).

Most of it is due to my personality, but I do seem to openly welcome negative feedback and tend to lock out positive. I'm a hypocrite. I am striving to teach my little girl to be confident and proud, while I shut out those messages to myself. Mistakes happen. I believe that as long as you learn from it, a mistake is just a lesson that has caught you off-guard.

Once back inside, I distinctly grabbed the spare keys and vowed never to do that again. This also has me wanting to change the locks on my psyche. To be an example to my daughter, I do need to practice what I preach. It requires a lot of work - I wish I could just phone a Locksmith. However, like locking yourself out of the house, sometimes the greatest lessons are the hardest to endure. It also requires patience and being aware of a lack of control. At least I can practice this inside, enjoying the comforts of my home.