New Year... Dare, I say "Resolutions?!"

Most of us struggle with weight and our own body images... and New Year's resolutions typically involve eating better or eating healthier or some combination of both.  I'm not one to make resolutions, but I think this is my year that I have to do so. I've been slacking way too much!

After years of fitness, I admit I am battling a fluctuation of about ten extra pounds, and snuggling in versus hitting the treadmill at 5 a.m. has been a lot more appealing to me.  HOWEVER, I am just not happy with how I feel... which is thick. And not in the good way!

I was injured in September 2020 and am still suffering pain in my left side and just under my heart, so I know that I need to be gentle with myself.  This acceptance made me want to re-boot my blog here and invite you to do the same.  Or, if you don't share these goals, offer my advice and guidance to anyone you know facing this right now.

You don't need to "go hard" or thrust 200% to each workout.  Yes - there are times and places for boot camp style workouts, but if you are your own coach, I suggest being a team and supporting yourself. We all beat ourselves up far too much each day - don't let fitness be your tough love time.

I used to run about 1.5 miles three times a week in addition to my other workouts.  Today, I barely did one full mile.  It takes time and patience to get back... neither of which I am known for having! This is very important to me, though, so it's going to have to work.  

My 2022 bloom planner has an entire intro section for goals.  I have a lot of goals - too many, in fact.  But they are all important to me, so I need to figure out how to meet them.  Even if I don't accomplish them all within a year from now, progress is key.  And that is my point to my getting-back-to-Marni fitness stats.

Feel free to join me - and please offer comments and your experiences, if you can.  #strongertogether!

Changes with Others

I have spent a lot of time, and I'm sure wasted too much energy, analyzing "why" I am here in Austin. I would like to believe that I could have found locations for my dance fitness classes in Peoria... it certainly should have been a lot easier given my established relationships. Could have been.  Nothing is guaranteed.

With every non-reply and every "our schedule is full" and every "pay us this much" response, I am all the more grateful for teaching at the State Employee offices.  While I still struggle to get space in the rooms there, the support of my participants overwhelms me.

Just in the past month, I have not only had the joy of their participation, but I also received three gifts... a sweet pencil that says "Shine Today," an inspirational calendar that is actually making me excited for January! and a traditional Chinese Mooncake.  All three tokens of appreciation brought me tears of joy and heartfelt surprise.  The Mooncake, however, stood out.  It is named after the Moon Goddess "Chang'e" and symbolizes a spiritual feeling.  'To share this expresses love and best wishes,' and to receive it from Yanmei means a lot to me.  She is one of my dedicated supporters who I have been SO very blessed to watch come out of her shell and gain confidence - and she says she feels stronger.  Having her hand this to me... telling me how much my classes mean to her... I truly can't express the impact it has had on me. 

I hate being insecure.  My self-doubt borders on destroying me every damn day.  If I can do one small thing and empower any other woman to not feel this dark feeling of being unworthy, I should know that that is success.  In my mind, I know I am making a difference.  I'm not changing the world, but if I can improve the world for a handful of others, that is priceless.  And it's more than I ever thought I could do.

With one of my inspirations retiring this month, I am hoping to gain more opportunities to encourage others. In addition to dance fitness, if... no, WHEN I obtain the Group Fitness Instructor certification, with the help of my new friend Charlotte, I hope to add the toning class of Total Body Conditioning.

These ladies have more drive to exercise than any group I have ever known.  Their dedication and energy is impressive, but I love most that they are supportive of one another.  When I worked to become certified with SHiNE, I had hoped to get to know some of them and get them out of their comfort zones a bit and let loose.  I did not consider the bonds and connections we would make and continue to develop.

I always loved the term "fitfam," but besides my soul sister, Marypat/MP!!!, I had not experienced it.  Now, in our classes, my heart swells when I see them rock my new dance steps and listen to their feedback.  Receiving gifts from them touches me so deeply. I hoped to instill confidence; I am blown away to make an impact. To be thought of outside our classes is the greatest compliment.

My research reflected that the Mooncake is not just a food, it's a profound cultural tradition deep in Chinese people's hearts, symbolizing a spiritual feeling.  Honestly, that is what I want in dance.  It isn't just movement. Dancing for me is a freedom of everything... Why I do it all the time, as much and as often as I can.  If I can lead others to hold more confidence, then Mister DJ, please, play on.

Mooncake Credit: https://www.chinahighlights.com/festivals/mooncake.htm

Stages of Marriage

I'm just going to say this: The concept of Marriage is a bit ridiculous.  I have a hard time living with myself everyday.  The idea of living with someone else for the rest of existence is actually pretty profound... let alone expecting someone to live with me for all their days!

Don't get me wrong - I honestly love my husband.  He's a great guy, a strong man and an incredible father.  We have been through a lot of life together... A LOT of life.  We married when we were very young.  When you are in love, you don't want to let it go.  You want it forever, so you commit to, well, forever.

I couldn't imagine wanting to be with anyone else, and I didn't figure anybody could possibly deal with all my baggage and issues, either.  Also, I figured we would both continue to change and grow, and I believed that we could easily support one another as we grew into mature adults.

We knew we would have struggles, but I also know we both had more optimism at the time.  We didn't know that we would still live in the Midwest, that he would not land a job that pays him his creative worth, that I would have such difficulty finding my own role in the world.  We didn't think that having a child would be nearly impossible for me.  We didn't figure on having such large losses so early in life (unborn children and parents passing away).

Most people marry because they are either expected to (family, friends, society) or because it's included on that list of having a "happy, successful life."  It isn't shocking to me that the rate of divorce continually fluctuates around 50%.  Half, people.  Half.  Marriage is hard.  After coordinating weddings for so many years, I literally saw how "the Day" became so much more the focus than the actual RELATIONSHIP.  And once all the excitement, the plans and the sparkling sheen of a "new life" fade, that is when the actual work begins... and it doesn't stop.

No one is perfect, yet sometimes people think that someone else could be a solution to all of their own problems.  Or they love someone, but he or she just needs to improve on "this" or should really do things like "that."  Forget the fact that the other human being is just working on living... forget that he or she might have similar thoughts about the other partner, as well.  It can all build up and giving up can be so easy, maybe even attractive... or "walking away" can seem like the only option for sanity and peace.

The biggest challenge with matrimony is that we are all pushing on every day just to find ourselves, fix ourselves, be content with ourselves.  Social Media shows us how much "happier" others appear.  Society has most of us competing for better homes, better cars, better clothing.  We are all trying to be wealthy, sexy, secure ... and sometimes, you turn and wonder if the one you are married to doesn't share your path and goals anymore.

So how do "long marriages" work?  My guess is the choices every day - that while you aren't the people you were when you said your vows, you are still individuals who care for each other and want to continue in this mad world together.  Every single day.

In this crazy world, it's tough to find someone who understands all that you are enduring, while he or she is dealing with disappointments, challenges and goals, as well.  If you can spend your days with somebody and, through it all, find the ability to laugh and enjoy the changes throughout your relationship, I think that could lead to a "successful" marriage.  Time can only tell.