As the Saying Goes...

Yes, Change IS constant.

When my daughter was graduating and moving out in the super memorable year of 2020, we agreed that my downsizing to a one-bedroom apartment, *with a sleeper sofa*, made far more sense than staying in a two-bedroom apartment that I wasn't exactly delighted with living.  She was, after all, holding aspirations to move across the country if not out of the United States.

However, I didn't have a plan.  I moved. That was that... one day at a time, right?  Finding my new role as a single, empty-nest working woman pursuing a side gig of fitness.

I continue to be grateful for my first job in Texas, I have been so blessed to find communities focused on fitness, and I still enjoy going to places all around the state.  As far as where to call home though, my new chapter expanded outside the city limits.  My time living alone had challenges and benefits, and then my boyfriend and I decided to combine households this past summer.  So now, this Midwest girl from a small town in Illinois is now calling Lago Vista, Texas her new home.  I've learned a lot about myself the past few years and plan to continue to do so while I have been invited to a new community. 

The people I have met already are so encouraging and supportive... and frankly, downright welcoming, genuine and all around great friends. With the much longer commute, I needed to find employment closer to home, so even more changes continue!

Still needing to step out of my comfort zone, I trust further growth and development exist.  Tomorrow is never known, so you need to take the steps that make you happy today. This moment, and trust yourself.

With a new calendar year approaching already, I have many To-Dos and need to take some time to reflect on the Want-To-Dos. If I have been taught anything in all the paths of my history, it takes faith and patience... and remembering that "Change is Always Constant."

How Badly Do You Want it?

Over the past year, I have endured many new tests.  Just like most people, I have faced barriers and challenges my entire life, but the magnitude of what I have faced and what I have accomplished (specifically since March 2017) has been pretty incredible.

 

When knowing Chad would not find a new job in Peoria, Illinois, at the time, I didn't know when he would be moving, what I would have to do on my own, or how it would affect our lives.  When I decided to put myself out there to see if I could relocate to a more artistic market, during interviews, I had to picture myself in a new city, a new environment, and eventually, a completely new industry (if law and government can be categorized as "industry").

 

Nothing has ever come easily to me, and no one has ever handed me anything.  I have worked my best to accomplish everything I have received.  I suffer self-doubt; my negative self-talk is deafening; the image I hold of myself is beyond disappointing, but I find ways to still fight for what I want.

 

Yet, somehow, I am still surprised when I face barriers against goals.  Maybe it's part of my process - to reach that moment when my head tells me, "you know you aren't good enough for this.  Who in the world did you think you were fooling?"

 

But I keep pushing.  I attended my first "Sexy Stiletto" dance class and went ahead and joined the group for the video promo.  I achieved my certification as a Dance Fitness Instructor this weekend.  I am sharing all this -  whether anyone gives a shit to read it or not - I am being brave enough to post it, share it, and keep it real. 

 

Today on Facebook, there was a statement shared in a group by a beautiful young woman who is just ready to die.  She doesn't feel she has anything to contribute anymore, and, while she doesn't intend to take her own life, she has sunk to such a low that death seems her only consolation.  I don't have the answers for her - I don't even have the answers for you or for myself.  However, I do know that we are all on this planet for a reason.  We may never comprehend why, but I think it's our job to do what we can for one another.  It might be as simple as a smile when you make eye contact with a stranger, a quick text to a friend, or an invitation to someone to get out and "do something" and actually follow through.  Or you can lead in a supervisory position, be a mentor, or inspire some people to dance in a fitness class... maybe all the above.

 

I don't know my purpose.  But if I can inspire anyone - any one person - to try something new or dance without care or share feelings when they feel they are all alone, I will feel I have succeeded.  Thank you for your support.  Let's dance.

 

Stages of Marriage

I'm just going to say this: The concept of Marriage is a bit ridiculous.  I have a hard time living with myself everyday.  The idea of living with someone else for the rest of existence is actually pretty profound... let alone expecting someone to live with me for all their days!

Don't get me wrong - I honestly love my husband.  He's a great guy, a strong man and an incredible father.  We have been through a lot of life together... A LOT of life.  We married when we were very young.  When you are in love, you don't want to let it go.  You want it forever, so you commit to, well, forever.

I couldn't imagine wanting to be with anyone else, and I didn't figure anybody could possibly deal with all my baggage and issues, either.  Also, I figured we would both continue to change and grow, and I believed that we could easily support one another as we grew into mature adults.

We knew we would have struggles, but I also know we both had more optimism at the time.  We didn't know that we would still live in the Midwest, that he would not land a job that pays him his creative worth, that I would have such difficulty finding my own role in the world.  We didn't think that having a child would be nearly impossible for me.  We didn't figure on having such large losses so early in life (unborn children and parents passing away).

Most people marry because they are either expected to (family, friends, society) or because it's included on that list of having a "happy, successful life."  It isn't shocking to me that the rate of divorce continually fluctuates around 50%.  Half, people.  Half.  Marriage is hard.  After coordinating weddings for so many years, I literally saw how "the Day" became so much more the focus than the actual RELATIONSHIP.  And once all the excitement, the plans and the sparkling sheen of a "new life" fade, that is when the actual work begins... and it doesn't stop.

No one is perfect, yet sometimes people think that someone else could be a solution to all of their own problems.  Or they love someone, but he or she just needs to improve on "this" or should really do things like "that."  Forget the fact that the other human being is just working on living... forget that he or she might have similar thoughts about the other partner, as well.  It can all build up and giving up can be so easy, maybe even attractive... or "walking away" can seem like the only option for sanity and peace.

The biggest challenge with matrimony is that we are all pushing on every day just to find ourselves, fix ourselves, be content with ourselves.  Social Media shows us how much "happier" others appear.  Society has most of us competing for better homes, better cars, better clothing.  We are all trying to be wealthy, sexy, secure ... and sometimes, you turn and wonder if the one you are married to doesn't share your path and goals anymore.

So how do "long marriages" work?  My guess is the choices every day - that while you aren't the people you were when you said your vows, you are still individuals who care for each other and want to continue in this mad world together.  Every single day.

In this crazy world, it's tough to find someone who understands all that you are enduring, while he or she is dealing with disappointments, challenges and goals, as well.  If you can spend your days with somebody and, through it all, find the ability to laugh and enjoy the changes throughout your relationship, I think that could lead to a "successful" marriage.  Time can only tell.

Change Your Mind?

I hate that phrase. Physically, you cannot alter your mind. You can try. You can tell yourself to be different, read daily affirmations, use medications... and those things may or may not work. But what really happens is that your opinions can alter.

In my own experience, the more I attempt to change my own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, the more I am reminded as to why I had the original opinion in the first place. (For example, someone you really try to like - but their bitter personality continues to push you away.) Conversely, I have been somewhat shocked to know that after holding judgment against something for a long time, I didn't feel strongly about any longer. In some instances, I realized that I even began to agree. (I could use several big, big examples here, but I will just go with food. As a kid, I just couldn't eat salad - now I put extra lettuce, slaw, etc on everything!)

Politicians get reamed for changing their opinions... they get accused of flip-flopping, being deceitful, labeled a fraud. Friends can change in a moment because one situation can bring out something in them that you had not seen before. Think about how many people are in your life because your opinions differ on every topic. I'm guessing there are not many - if you are living your life truly. (We all know there are those who ride coattails and may go along with someone else for fear of rejection. I'm also pretty confident that those people aren't reading this... and if they are, they wouldn't admit it anyway.)

The challenge arises if you are forced to make a choice - one that you felt one way about at first, one that when you are forced to make it again, you feel differently. Think of that one dominant friend in middle school who basically said, "If you are friends with HER, than you are not my friend!"

At the times when I have realized that my opinion has changed, I feel bittersweet. I am proud that I have grown as a person and that my experiences have opened me up to know that there are other ways to feel about something. Yet, I do feel a little sad for the naive part of me that is gone.

It's also important to realize that situations you have endured, others have not faced. The word "ignorance" plays a part again here. Not to be insulting, but the word actually means "a lack of knowledge." The person who has never been in a car accident cannot relate to what it is like. They can imagine it, but they are unaware of the feelings, the thoughts, the results.

Judging others is pretty simple. Anyone can say that "If I were him..." But the truth is we are each made up of our own opinions and feelings based upon our experiences. We don't control what alters them, but we can control how we act based upon those changes. We can choose to open our minds to what someone else has endured - or we can lock ourselves into our own lives and refuse to see others' points of view. Before refusing to "change your mind" about something, give it some thought to see if your opinions are still so solid. You might be surprised.

What's Next?

Some changes are rapid. Some seem to take ages for adjustment. And several feel like they will never be finished!

Now that the major updates to our mudroom (or "anti-mud room" as I am now calling it) are done, some friends have started asking, "What's next?"

The thing is - our previous projects are not even fully complete yet. Little tasks remain for the master bedroom, the "anti-mud room," the living room, the eat-in kitchen area... We now have new carpet in the other two bedrooms, but the guest room still needs that all-important fixture: a bed! The pantry is completed, however, and I am loving it! But we do have several things to wrap up.

In addition to running out of funds for our insane list of home updates, the Christmas season is approaching. Priorities are adjusting due to money.

While we assess "what is next," I am looking forward to some cozy, relaxed nights. Warm meals on cold nights with time to enjoy the work that we have accomplished so far... And, of course, make lists of what yet needs to be done.

Heaven knows the dining room fireplace is aching, begging and sometimes I know I hear it screaming for change. I'm sure we won't let it suffer much longer.