As the Saying Goes...

Yes, Change IS constant.

When my daughter was graduating and moving out in the super memorable year of 2020, we agreed that my downsizing to a one-bedroom apartment, *with a sleeper sofa*, made far more sense than staying in a two-bedroom apartment that I wasn't exactly delighted with living.  She was, after all, holding aspirations to move across the country if not out of the United States.

However, I didn't have a plan.  I moved. That was that... one day at a time, right?  Finding my new role as a single, empty-nest working woman pursuing a side gig of fitness.

I continue to be grateful for my first job in Texas, I have been so blessed to find communities focused on fitness, and I still enjoy going to places all around the state.  As far as where to call home though, my new chapter expanded outside the city limits.  My time living alone had challenges and benefits, and then my boyfriend and I decided to combine households this past summer.  So now, this Midwest girl from a small town in Illinois is now calling Lago Vista, Texas her new home.  I've learned a lot about myself the past few years and plan to continue to do so while I have been invited to a new community. 

The people I have met already are so encouraging and supportive... and frankly, downright welcoming, genuine and all around great friends. With the much longer commute, I needed to find employment closer to home, so even more changes continue!

Still needing to step out of my comfort zone, I trust further growth and development exist.  Tomorrow is never known, so you need to take the steps that make you happy today. This moment, and trust yourself.

With a new calendar year approaching already, I have many To-Dos and need to take some time to reflect on the Want-To-Dos. If I have been taught anything in all the paths of my history, it takes faith and patience... and remembering that "Change is Always Constant."

One Year Later...

A full year has passed since I moved to Austin, Texas.  When I reflect on all I have learned so far, it is astonishing.  I have suffered many disappointments, but I have enjoyed more personal triumphs, and overall, it has been good.

In twelve months, I have been blessed to make some terrific new friends and great business connections... I have continually pushed myself out of my comfort zone and not only learned my way around South Austin, I then adjusted to living just Northwest of the city.  Seriously - the different format of frontage roads and U-turns under all the highways, it really feels like mastering a totally new way of driving.

My new little car... she is so fun. I am sad that I no longer have a vehicle to pass to my daughter, but all things happen for a reason... and it saves me additional drivers insurance anyway.   #brightside

Speaking of, Hope has handled her transition Like A Boss.  I am continually amazed and impressed by her resilience and strength.  I didn't want this to happen to her.  As much as I yearned to move to a warmer climate and a more progressive city, I had no desire to move her from her high school.  When the opportunity was presented, however, there were too many reasons for me to leave Peoria.  What I love most is that Hope recognizes them all and appreciates them.  She is learning to not only cope with disappointments, but she finds the positives of the situations.  That took me far longer to develop, and I'm still working on it!

While I have times of sorrow missing my loves and friends in Illinois, I hold them in my heart, and I know that I will see them again.  The strong connections will always remain no matter how far the distance.  I've received so many supportive messages that when I do feel all alone in this huge, exciting city, the words spoken and sent to me give me comfort.

My goals have altered as well.  One year ago, I wanted to connect to my true self while learning a new employment position in a government role.  Six months ago, I achieved certification as a Dance Fitness Instructor and am now studying for Group Fitness Instructor with AFAA.  I am continually trying new things and having a really great experience.

No one really knows where their path will lead, but I am still enjoying my journey.  My new mantra has solidly become "When nothing is certain, anything is possible." (-Mandy Hale)

Perspective.  Positivity.  Peace.

Final Changes

I am now officially a Texan.  I no longer have an address in Illinois.  My car has TX license plates, and I received my new Driver License in the mail this week at my newest Austin address.

Finality.  An irreversible ending.  There really is no going back.

When I think about all that has happened over the past three and a half months, I am overwhelmed.  In just fifteen weeks, I have enjoyed and suffered so much change.  From living in a house, moving into a studio, being forced to buy a new car, and settling in a two-bedroom apartment, I have learned new tasks at a new job and been able to meet pretty cool people.  Visiting so many places, I have experienced amazing food, fantastic drinks and interesting conversations with people.  A few fun nights dancing.  A hurricane weekend.  And I have been drained of so much money.  So. Much. Money.

But all of life comes with a cost, right?  Spend money to make money.  You can't take it with you.  Life is a journey - or a roller coaster... or a journey on a roller coaster.  We have all these quotes and philosophy, and when real shit happens - when you sell your home of over eight years: where you pictured your daughter graduating high school, the place where you celebrated so many awesome times with friends, yet a place of disappointments, loss and despair - it makes you think.

Where am I supposed to be?  What the hell am I supposed to be doing?  Am I happy?  Will I be happy?  What exactly IS happy?

I will continue to miss my hometown, my friends, my family, and my life.  At least, the life I had and where I thought I could go.  In August, I left all of it behind for new opportunities, lessons and adventures.  It has not been easy.  "Marni's Shit Show" entries were just highlights - no one was in it with me every single day.  I was alone.  Surviving with the goal of thriving, I am proud that I made it through everything.

Every day, I have had lessons to learn and re-learn when necessary.  Every week, I assessed the pros and cons of my accomplishments.  Every moment, I have been aware of my capabilities and my independence.  And I coached myself to push and get through it all.

So, with the completion of the sale of a house on Orchard Lane in Peoria, I am sad, but ready for the next phase(s).  I honestly have no idea what is in store in 2018, let alone the next few years, but I do know, 100%, that I can take life's challenges and I will come out on top.  If perspective has taught me anything, at least I'll be in a pretty good head-space.  I hope y'all will be there with me to laugh at the ridiculousness of my path and to toast to all the hurdles I have cleared.  Love to you all.

Phase I to Phase II of Moving to Austin

Oh, the timing of it all... It would be so much easier for me to leave Illinois during the cold, bleak, dead winter months. Holding the resentment of my husband's lost employment... the bitterness of an area that could not support his talents and our career ambitions.  A place so cold that caused tension and pain in my body that made me cranky.

And I had to leave first - for some reason.  Yes, I found an employer providing me a better position, higher pay and better benefits while moving Chad to a city with far more opportunities in his industry (art and graphic design).  Yet, if he had moved before Hope and I, it would have been more obvious to blame him for this relocation, for uprooting our family and separating us from all that we love and enjoy.  This major shift in all our lives.

We have to do this as a team.  We need to support each other.  We must support one another in the transition.  It has actually been crucial for me to make the move first so that I could begin the second phase as a better, stronger, healthier version of myself - my ultimate self.

Just over fifty days, and I do not feel I am "there" quite yet - but I am learning, realizing, that maybe I won't ever get "there."  Perhaps I will remain a work in progress for all of my existence.  But as long as I am on the right track and stick to it, I think that's what matters. 

When I think about others I admire, I rarely respect people who have had everything handed to them.  I look up to the fighters - the ones who not only rose to challenges but continue to pull themselves back up, time and time, after every fall.  Those who continue driven to get what they want and push themselves toward what they want.

Those who, through their hard work, show gratitude for their opportunities, battles and even what appear to be "failures," and keep working to be their best.
 
That is ultimately what I want.  While this move has been so difficult, emotionally, physically, financially, and while I also understand I am still far from finished, my only regret is that I didn't take that First Step years ago.  But then, there are so many amazing, important, fun people that I have been blessed and honored to meet.  And, maybe I would not have the amount of appreciation for all of this that I am currently overtaken with at times.  Life can be a struggle, but oh my, it can have so much enjoyment, too!

Okay... even Bigger Changes

"Everything's bigger in Texas," right?  Does that include Change?
  

I am moving.  I am leaving my life and all that I know.  I am expanding my career path, changing my address and pursuing great changes in myself.  I feel pretty insane.  My friends are the best.  Hope's involvement in Peoria Ballet Company and the Dunlap Dance Teams has been so incredible - I have loved so much of those experiences.  Stage experiences, coaching experiences, all of my volunteer efforts.  The amazing connections I have made with people and businesses.

  

However... there are new challenges and new moments of joy and success if I look to the opportunities rather than the losses.  Some are made by choice, but most changes are forced upon us. This situation is both - I did not choose for my husband's job to be eliminated from his company in January.  But I did choose to do something about it to help our family financially.

My new employment will move us to a better market for my husband's amazing and impressive talents.  As frightened as I am, my confidence in his abilities overshadows doubt.  We still have a long, long way to go, but each step must be taken at a time... with patience and faith, two characteristics that I typically lack.  The bigger the change, the more steps, more setbacks and more dedication required.
 

A quote by Danielle LaPorte was in my social media recently... "How deep change happens: It's not always the dramatic decisions.  It's after persistence, loss, rebuilding, devotion to what you deem meaningful." This adjustment is not something I can just tackle and celebrate victory.  It is going to take a lot of endurance.  I will appreciate any and all support and encouragement, yet I know that I will not be able to rely completely on that.  I am on my own, at least at first. 

Our home will be put up for sale this week and my family will join me in Texas once other pieces fall into place.  In that time, I will be working on self-improvement initiatives and self reliance in a new city, while also researching school districts and mastering a new role in a completely different work environment.  Please follow my journey and provide any feedback possible.  It will mean the world to me.