Changing Your Habits

New Year's Day is arriving. The day recognized to alter habits. New goals and new challenges for a new year.

Tell me I "should" do something, I will immediately not want to do it. Telling myself not to do something, makes it so much more attractive. I don't diet. That is disaster waiting to happen in my opinion and my experience.

Instead, I try to replace bad habits with healthier options. I find that gradual change is an easier change for me. Someone once said to me that "if you do something three times in a row, it can become habit." The trick is doing (or not doing) something so that it becomes automatic. Dictionary.com defines "habit" as just that: an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary.

Prime example: the week of Halloween, I decided that I need to drink less in alcoholic beverages. It's not that I am dependent upon drinking to get through my days or nights... it is just a goal I set and something I wanted to do. I just drink more water and drinking more of something else fills your time (and your tummy). The next thing I knew, I was drinking less wine.

It also makes my fun drinks more rewarding. I appreciate it more. It could even be "reverse-psychology" because I did say to myself that if I can't cut down, I should probably cut it out completely.

As far as foods go, I have found if the fattening foods and sweets aren't in the house, it's far more challenging to eat them! It doesn't mean that I never eat them - especially at THIS time of the year! But Chad and I have found that moderation is the key. Again, with MY personality, if I told myself I would never enjoy chocolate chip cookies or garlic smashed potatoes again, I would specifically desire the two!

So as 2010 approaches, I of course need new goals for myself. It's helpful, too, to look back at what one has accomplished in the past year. It can be encouraging and useful for redirecting in the new year.

Don't be one of those people who say "I'm going to drop 20 pounds this year!!" Make your goals more realistic. If it works for you, you can make it a changing question. Instead you could ask "How can I lose two pounds this month?" "I'll eat salad for lunch twice a week this month." That way if you don't meet your goal the first month, you can either adjust your expectations for the next month or tighten your goal. If your personality suits it, do your challenges each week instead. The logic is, if you can eat a healthy alternative twice a week, increase it to three times a week, etc. In looking at it this way, you also aren't suffering or "starving."

I agree with my friend Amy, who states she doesn't make "resolutions." I prefer to hold them as goals. I don't "resolve" to do anything in the next twelve months, but I will have personal goals and rewards for myself. The improvements (we hope) are in the process of the change. That is, after all, the point.

My personal list isn't finished yet for "Twenty-Ten." I know I want to continue my food-and-beverage plan. I want to increase my running distance. I need to cross-train with another activity. I want to be a great wife and companion to Chad. I want to be a good parent to a marvelous little girl who is turning 8 years old. I will continue to strive to be a reliable and fun friend. I want to participate more in community events and support more local talents. My biggest improvement goal will be in employment. I am working to fine-tune my position and define the areas where I can provide the best use of my talents and abilities.

New Year. New milestones. New achievements. Change is good.
Cheers!!

Change the Menu

I am very thankful... and I love Thanksgiving.

My husband loves to cook, and he is amazing at doing so! Thanksgiving is our holiday of comfort food, spending family time together and - of course - the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade!

Thanksgiving used to be hectic. We would rush from my family's dinner to Chad's family's dinner. We had no time to relax and catch up, and frankly, it was pretty exhausting.

I'm not judging anyone who currently goes through this schedule on Thanksgiving... unfortunately, it's become quite "normal" for the holiday. And some of my friends even enjoy the hustle, bustle and rush.

Growing up, Thanksgiving dinners included turkey, mashed potatoes, and naturally, green bean casserole. However, as I grew older and enjoyed more interesting side dishes, I began to wonder why sometimes people fall into habits of the menu. Do they get lazy? Are they afraid to try something new? Would it destroy the timeline to have everything on the table at once? Do they enjoy cooking or has it become just a labor that they do?

Since there are three of us, we don't have to buy the "big bird." Chad buys a turkey breast, de-bones it (I swear, I am also thankful I did not grow up on a farm!) and stuffs it. The favourites are smoked gouda, proscuitto and asparagus. Honestly, I don't know what any of our grandmothers think about this. My maternal grandma ate it with us one Thanksgiving and did say that it was good... but I know our families think we're a little "fancy" with food sometimes.

So here's the thing - I challenge any Thanksgiving hosts/hostesses out there to try something new this holiday. I'm not saying to alter your entire feast menu - but just one new side dish. It helps you celebrate thankfulness and fun for the holiday. And if it doesn't turn out to be a hit, pitch it and grab a can or two of green beans.

Don't get to cook for the dinner? Bring a new dessert... or shake things up with a cocktail or bottle of wine.

Thanksgiving is about fun and family. How can you change your "menu" and enjoy celebrating all that we have with those that you love?

What's Next?

Some changes are rapid. Some seem to take ages for adjustment. And several feel like they will never be finished!

Now that the major updates to our mudroom (or "anti-mud room" as I am now calling it) are done, some friends have started asking, "What's next?"

The thing is - our previous projects are not even fully complete yet. Little tasks remain for the master bedroom, the "anti-mud room," the living room, the eat-in kitchen area... We now have new carpet in the other two bedrooms, but the guest room still needs that all-important fixture: a bed! The pantry is completed, however, and I am loving it! But we do have several things to wrap up.

In addition to running out of funds for our insane list of home updates, the Christmas season is approaching. Priorities are adjusting due to money.

While we assess "what is next," I am looking forward to some cozy, relaxed nights. Warm meals on cold nights with time to enjoy the work that we have accomplished so far... And, of course, make lists of what yet needs to be done.

Heaven knows the dining room fireplace is aching, begging and sometimes I know I hear it screaming for change. I'm sure we won't let it suffer much longer.

Change of Scenery

What is it about travel? A change of scenery can change your perspective. Getting out of your typical routines and problems can change your focus. And sometimes, you just need a break!

Chad and I tend to travel to larger cities that have more to see and to do than Peoria... yet we relax in these environments.

I think we are better able to let go of the problems and challenges we face everyday because they fade in comparison to how large the world is. When we travel, I witness people who have far more than we have, but also people who have much less.

Traveling opens my eyes to so many possibilities. It reminds me that choices result in the changes your life takes, the form of your existence. It makes me feel smaller yet stronger. The world is huge, and there are so many things that can capture your interest and abilities if you just let them.

New York City is enlightening to me. Maybe it's because of all the culture and the constant activity. Maybe it's because of the history and the incredible amounts of immigrants who approached our country for better opportunities. Maybe it's because we get to visit family members who live there and we get a glimpse of the city through their eyes.

I believe it is because of all these reasons and more - wrapped up into one marvelous long weekend.

I am at a crossroads in my life, but I live in Peoria and capable of making things happen. Seeing others, strangers as well as those I love, move on, grow and endure great changes to do so is inspirational. It may not be my time right now to change cities, but I can benefit from the possibility that it may happen someday.

Changes are constant in everyone's life, whether they are chosen or not. Witnessing people leave behind families and friends, risking everything, it helps me believe that I can continue as well. I also gain appreciation for what I do have and that I am able to strive for more.

Change Your Locks

Last week, I was sternly informed by my seven year old daughter not to call myself "stupid." "Idiot" is not allowed, either... nor the many more profane descriptions that were swirling around in my head that (thankfully!) did not escape my mouth in front of her.

My husband was in California on business, and on the day of his return, I locked us out of our house.

Ironic since I had left to pick up my daughter from school, get her changed for her ballet class and pack the prepared snacks for the car trip from dance to her Brownie meeting. I was feeling pretty good about handling such a day "all on my own." His flight wasn't due to arrive until 11 P.M. that night.

Is it that these things really do happen when you're feeling at your best - or is it just that they are so much more noticeable? Like red stoplights when you are driving in a hurry. When you aren't late, the green lights aren't nearly as appreciated... they just are what they are, green.

Hope helped me deal with the situation. She was quite matter-of-fact and very supportive... of course, that did not stop her from telling everyone we encountered how foolish her mother had been. (It's okay - I'm laughing about it now.)

We discussed the ability to cope, problem solve and deal with not being able to control a situation. It also led to us talking about homeless people - those who live in cars when they have to, as well as those who don't even own the luxury of a car. It ended up being a life lesson, and we spent some quality time together.

Her words have echoed in my mind since that day, however. I've been reflecting on the negative messages our brains send to the subconscious (stupid, foolish, dumb), and how their impact affects me so much more than positives (pride, triumph, success).

Most of it is due to my personality, but I do seem to openly welcome negative feedback and tend to lock out positive. I'm a hypocrite. I am striving to teach my little girl to be confident and proud, while I shut out those messages to myself. Mistakes happen. I believe that as long as you learn from it, a mistake is just a lesson that has caught you off-guard.

Once back inside, I distinctly grabbed the spare keys and vowed never to do that again. This also has me wanting to change the locks on my psyche. To be an example to my daughter, I do need to practice what I preach. It requires a lot of work - I wish I could just phone a Locksmith. However, like locking yourself out of the house, sometimes the greatest lessons are the hardest to endure. It also requires patience and being aware of a lack of control. At least I can practice this inside, enjoying the comforts of my home.

Change of Address

We moved six months ago. A new address, a new house, huge change.

From birth until I was thirteen years old, I changed street addresses only once. For the following twenty years, however, I changed twelve times… and I am not counting the three months of living with friends in Chicago. Now I am at home address number fifteen.

Changing an address isn’t easy. While I know many more people, my husband included, who have moved far more frequently, I contemplate what it does to one’s stability and security to move often. What are the differences of those who move often and those who have lived in the same house for over forty years?

When we moved in March, we heard that the average time one spends at an address was about seven years. Whatever the reason, people change houses frequently. For a country so skeptical of change, Americans certainly make that major change quite often: their home address.

Personally, this move has been a major feat for me – and still is. I have dreams that we still live in our other house. Or I dream that we are still house-hunting. We had planned to move in a few years, but we felt grounded and established where we were. We had achieved goals and were riding along great at that point. While our previous house was not my ideal home, I miss it. I miss who I was when we lived there.

Not that moving changes your complete persona. You are still who you “are.” Yet it does modify things about day-to-day life. In this instance, my job was even impacted. Expectations and schedules are directly affected by moving. You have to get to know a house and its quirks. You eventually feel that it is home. The differences of the words house and home intrigue me.

The "house" address is just simply a postal location, so that you can receive packages and bills. But think about the reactions you get or give about an address… positive, negative, stereotypical. So many people link identity with a neighborhood. Where you live says something about you, doesn’t it?

A "home" is where you look forward to going at the end of your day. It is a place where you feel safe and where you are comfortable. It takes me a long time to feel safe and comfortable. Is it that the “right” personalities adjust quickly to moving… or is that personality trait formed by how much one moved as he grew up? Because of my resistance to change when I was young, does it make me take more time to adjust to my new house? Or is it because there is so much about this house that requires change (and work!) that my excitement and comfort are restricted? (I tend to sway toward the latter explanation.)

House or home, an address is temporary. You won’t live there forever… you can’t live there forever. Fewer and fewer people buy a house, make it a home and stay there long enough to even have a grandchild visit. Some down-size. Some have to move to a one-story layout or to a retirement home.

Six months. I don’t know if I should have adjusted by now. The house, my identity… I wonder if I’ll have any of it figured out, or if I’ll be any more comfortable, before we change addresses again.

Circles of Change

Our good friends Mike & Stacey are having a baby. Today.

Their life is going to change dramatically within hours. As soon as he is born, their attention changes to his needs and making sure that the little guy is doing okay. Happy, healthy. The people they will begin to see as he grows will change, also. Play groups, PreSchool, any sports or activities... they will meet new people and develop new friendships with others that share their new phase of life.

Our lives are affected by the people that we care about and need our attention. As life progresses and we change our interests and activities, the people involved shift and move.

Some personalities just grow apart. Some people can seem to become more "difficult" to be around, straining the relationship. Some people get busy and forget to call. Some have been hurt before and it's hard for them to open up to new friendships.

As I reflect on our life right now, I am saddened that there are friends who I have lost touch with. Yet, I am so grateful for those who have entered my sphere of influence. I have friends with four kids and friends who have chosen to not have children. I love and appreciate them for who they are, and they give me different perspectives that I can value.

There is a brilliant quote that I once read that stated the Good Friends have enough in common to bring them together, but enough differences to learn from one another. (I wish I could find it and state it word-for-word, but you get the idea.)

In a world where religions and politics force people to argue, I wish that more people could learn from their differences with others, rather than fear them or get so angry. I hope to continue my circles of friends growing and changing because it shows that I am continuing to grow and change.

I also hope sincerely that my friends who I do not get to see often or those who I mean to phone but get bogged down by life (and my horrible tower connection in this house!) know that I really adore them and think of them often.

They say that your life can "flash" before your eyes... and I smile about all the faces I will get to see in my mind when that happens. It doesn't make me less sad to lose touch with a friend - but I do gain satisfaction that we have at least had the opportunity to share pieces of our lives together, no matter how brief.

Room for Change

I love planning things. Planning for a change is fun - anything is possible when a plan begins forming. It's exciting!

When the work begins, it can simply stay exciting or it can become challenging. Some challenges are fun, yet some are daunting. The worst result is when the plans don't go well, problems can't be solved... then, oh no, it becomes a disappointment.

A house typically needs a change. Maybe wallpaper needs to go. Perhaps that front room carpet cannot tolerate any more visitors. A faucet never cared for can become too corroded to function properly. With a house, there is always something that needs to change.

Our house, however, needs lots of change. LOTS.

So far, we have updated the master bedroom, pantry and main entrance. We are now tackling the Mudroom. Changing floor tiles. Changing the wall colors. Changing the cabinets... and adding more. My favorite? Changing the mirror. (No, my favorite has not been the sponge painting!)

This mudroom is not only a washroom off the deck, it is the laundry room and the only bathroom on the main floor. Any visitor, well any proper visitor who enjoys a drink or two and stays to chat, will see this room. And there is plenty of room for change within those walls.

I know myself well enough by now that when I change a room, I am also trying to make an improvement to myself.

Painting walls is such a quick result and has the potential to be such a drastic change. Immediate gratification. Yet how often would you paint if touch-ups were needed every day? Once a week? Once a month? Would you put it off until a wall crumbles?

Most self-improvements do require attention every day. Some days need more attention than others.

Like a crumbling wall, one thing happening (or not happening) can make us feel like we are falling apart. To strengthen ourselves, we do need to do something every day. Even if it's small, one activity to "improve" our every day.

Just over a year ago, I was blessed to attend a course through The Pacific Institute. We had to write affirmations. Straight away I pictured Stuart Smalley (Saturday Night Live). "Dog-gone it, people like me." But then, look at Senator Al Franken now. I wonder if he gives any credit to affirmations for his current success.

This was actually quite a difficult task for me. What can you say to yourself every day that matters and helps but is always relevant? Of course, you can always change an affirmation at any time. But, like the walls in a room, you need to focus on what needs attention now. Internal repair and supports take longer.

Once you write a statement - just one sentence - that encourages you and empowers you... you must then read it. Every day.

I have a few sentences, on different aspects that need my daily attention. And I have them stored in multiple places. They (or it, if you are starting small) need to be available to you.

Put one by your breakfast items. Put one on or around your bathroom mirror. Put one in your checkbook or with your debit card.

Give yourself a boost to improve every day... then paint a wall, replace a painting or change the curtains. If you can do them together, you'll be upgrading so much more than your home's interior. Give yourself the attention, maintenance and changes that you think your surroundings need. And leave some room for growth and change.

Temporary Change?

September 11, 2001. Evil attacked and lives were lost. People changed and New York's skyline drastically changed.

I was pregnant with Hope at the time and had a scheduled doctor's appointment/sonogram. I know that my view of my child's life altered that day. I became more fearful of her future, yet at the same time, more hopeful. Her world would be different from mine, and she and her generation hold the keys to control how it goes.

She wasn't even born, and I didn't even know she was a girl, but I had my first feelings of not being able to control her world. That power lies in her and those that she grows up with. That changed how I felt about her, this little individual. That view changed back when she was born and we had to take care of "our little baby."

I think back to the week following the terror attacks. The silence of the skies - which was just eerie. I recall all the people who took time off of work or put off "overtime" because that day forced us all to focus on our friends and family. Life is temporary - terror or no terror. That reality caused so many people to change their priorities. For that weekend, anyway.

"Remember 9-11." I embrace the phrase. But like birthdays, Christmas, and other annual events, how many people physically carry the changes that happened that day with them? How many people thought "I must spend more time with the people I love!"... and then slowly let it slide after a couple weeks? Changing back to habits, typical daily or weekly tasks.

When tragedy strikes, it can change your life completely. You can make a vow - "I will never do that again" or "From now on, this will be different..." But do you always carry through? Always?

What makes a change temporary? What makes a change resonate in everything that you do? Even if we have great intentions, what ultimately causes the difference? Can we control it?

Reminders are beautiful - even if they are sad. The more we remember, the more it can change us. But we have to let it in, focus on it and let it become part of who we are.

Seasons Change

Cooler temperatures, trees preparing to drop leaves, the season is changing. Autumn is still almost two weeks away, but nature is preparing herself for the changes.

Some people love changing seasons. It's one of the changes, overall, that humans accept readily. Okay, maybe not ALL of us are eager for Winter, but we do know what to expect.

There can be specific reasons for not looking forward to a change of season. Perhaps the traditional holidays bring stress. Family expectations can certainly affect one's anticipation of seasons and changes. If you have lost a treasured member of your family or a dear friend, perhaps that loss or sadness has you dreading any upcoming events. You will miss that person.

Maybe a past relationship was developed during a particular season. Many memories can be challenging to relive, especially when those thoughts and feelings pop up and surprise you. Things that you thought you had put to rest can sneak up on you when you least expect it - by the smells of fresh autumn pastries, warm crackling of a bonfire, sounds of a football stadium.

Life changes that coincide with holidays or seasons can be more difficult to grow from. It takes more work and more positive focus. Yet to go on, complete, the grief needs to be accepted and processed.

Let it go. Let yourself be sad about it - temporarily. Let your memories be respected, acknowledged and put to rest. Let the new season be brand new for you.

Autumn, Thanksgiving, preparing for Christmas (or any Winter holiday you celebrate) - it can be overwhelming. Change your focus and let yourself learn from nature. The cycle will continue... so will you. There are so many beautiful opportunities, so many blessings to focus upon. I wish them all to you... along with a cup of hot apple cider and slice of pumpkin pie straight from the warm oven.

Cheers to Change.

Change Your Perspective

Ask one of my family members, and I'm betting he or she will tell you that I hate change.
Until a few years ago, that would have been 100% accurate.

I used to view change as negative. Friends moved, my parents divorced, eventually I moved. Change wasn't good.

When things change, we fear the unknown. We don't know what to expect, so sometimes we expect the worst. Why? Where did the fear come from?

Very early on in my personal life - two or three years of age - my fear of change was formed. Once a typical reaction forms, it becomes habit. You have to change your perspective to adjust how you are affected. It has taken me years, and immeasurable amounts of positive self-talk, to alter my perspective of change.

Change can be sad, of course. You can always have something to miss or something you do not wish to let go. However, you can appreciate it - an object, a relationship, a job, a home - for what it was and how it changed you, then you can celebrate it. You can see what you can take from the experience. How it helped you and how you have grown.

The only other option is to fight it and be miserable. Too many people choose that route. When you shut down and let anger or despair take over, you are unable to learn and grow.

My own epiphany was pretty much to ask "What can I do about it?" When you have a change thrown at you - one of which seems you have no control - ask yourself that question.

You may not only surprise yourself with the answers, but you might also find an opportunity that you didn't see before. Fear or no fear, what can you do about it? Change your focus... change your perspective.

Winds of Change

By influence and support of my good friend, Amy, I am going to attempt "blogging."

The realm I am going to attempt to examine, dissect, analyze is CHANGE.

There are so many types of change and many areas of my personal life that are definitely changing right now. If I can share my experiences and also my opinions of change, perhaps others can be enlightened that while sometimes scary, because of the "unknown," change can present new accomplishments, new goals that one was not even aware of before.

Amy's recent blog post about Ghandi's famous quote of BEING the change that one wants in the world convinced me that this is a fabulous topic that needs more coverage. Personally, I invite you to post your experiences and your coping mechanisms. Change is constant... we all go through it whether we choose to or not.

"Winds of change," "Change of Power," Progress and Change... Change is all around us.

People choose to change. Whether an emotional battle (internal or with others), we can CHOOSE to make improvements. Women change their hair colour constantly. We change our clothes because they don't help us "feel" the way we want. We change our wall colours, change our curtains, change our minds.

When we realize that emotional change takes serious reflection and serious work, we decide to change the easier things... surroundings, friends, activities.

"Be the change you want to see in the world." What are you feeling is changing? Can you step up and BE the change? Does the change feel like a wind or does it feel like a ton of bricks? What can you do to accept the change and perhaps make it a "change for the better?"