New Year... Dare, I say "Resolutions?!"

Most of us struggle with weight and our own body images... and New Year's resolutions typically involve eating better or eating healthier or some combination of both.  I'm not one to make resolutions, but I think this is my year that I have to do so. I've been slacking way too much!

After years of fitness, I admit I am battling a fluctuation of about ten extra pounds, and snuggling in versus hitting the treadmill at 5 a.m. has been a lot more appealing to me.  HOWEVER, I am just not happy with how I feel... which is thick. And not in the good way!

I was injured in September 2020 and am still suffering pain in my left side and just under my heart, so I know that I need to be gentle with myself.  This acceptance made me want to re-boot my blog here and invite you to do the same.  Or, if you don't share these goals, offer my advice and guidance to anyone you know facing this right now.

You don't need to "go hard" or thrust 200% to each workout.  Yes - there are times and places for boot camp style workouts, but if you are your own coach, I suggest being a team and supporting yourself. We all beat ourselves up far too much each day - don't let fitness be your tough love time.

I used to run about 1.5 miles three times a week in addition to my other workouts.  Today, I barely did one full mile.  It takes time and patience to get back... neither of which I am known for having! This is very important to me, though, so it's going to have to work.  

My 2022 bloom planner has an entire intro section for goals.  I have a lot of goals - too many, in fact.  But they are all important to me, so I need to figure out how to meet them.  Even if I don't accomplish them all within a year from now, progress is key.  And that is my point to my getting-back-to-Marni fitness stats.

Feel free to join me - and please offer comments and your experiences, if you can.  #strongertogether!

As the Saying Goes...

Yes, Change IS constant.

When my daughter was graduating and moving out in the super memorable year of 2020, we agreed that my downsizing to a one-bedroom apartment, *with a sleeper sofa*, made far more sense than staying in a two-bedroom apartment that I wasn't exactly delighted with living.  She was, after all, holding aspirations to move across the country if not out of the United States.

However, I didn't have a plan.  I moved. That was that... one day at a time, right?  Finding my new role as a single, empty-nest working woman pursuing a side gig of fitness.

I continue to be grateful for my first job in Texas, I have been so blessed to find communities focused on fitness, and I still enjoy going to places all around the state.  As far as where to call home though, my new chapter expanded outside the city limits.  My time living alone had challenges and benefits, and then my boyfriend and I decided to combine households this past summer.  So now, this Midwest girl from a small town in Illinois is now calling Lago Vista, Texas her new home.  I've learned a lot about myself the past few years and plan to continue to do so while I have been invited to a new community. 

The people I have met already are so encouraging and supportive... and frankly, downright welcoming, genuine and all around great friends. With the much longer commute, I needed to find employment closer to home, so even more changes continue!

Still needing to step out of my comfort zone, I trust further growth and development exist.  Tomorrow is never known, so you need to take the steps that make you happy today. This moment, and trust yourself.

With a new calendar year approaching already, I have many To-Dos and need to take some time to reflect on the Want-To-Dos. If I have been taught anything in all the paths of my history, it takes faith and patience... and remembering that "Change is Always Constant."

Years of Change...

The year 2020... so much for the visions of flying cars and teleporting. This particular calendar year provided more challenges, grief and frustration for the world than any other that I can recall in my somewhat-short lifetime.

My daughter finished her high school career taking her courses on-line. Those of us able to continue our jobs all began working remotely.  Travel was limited.  Socializing with friends came to an abrupt halt. Life changed completely for most of us. Hope's relocation to New York City was put on hold... then put on hold a couple more times. As December marked the end of the year, I looked back at how much changed in those twelve months.

In December 2019, I had dropped to the lowest low I remember in decades. Through meditation, fitness and the aid of two life coaches, I found my way back to myself just as the COVID-19 quarantines began and limited all my therapeutic outlets and support network.

Surprisingly, as well, however, I met an incredible man during this pandemic. We met online and then in person outside at a park, which isn't unconventional in a beautiful city like Austin that has an amazing amount of hiking trails, water activities and outdoor venues, but it was definitely one of the few options of meeting during quarantine. It was the flexibility of his personality that led me to meet him in person, social-distanced.  As we talked and learned about one another, I found a soul connection that I did not expect.  As we continue to discover differences, we gravitate to a similar core of beliefs, values and desires.

My exercise classes stopping affecting me drastically.  My fitness community is such a lifeline for me, especially being solo in a new city!  Luckily, we began virtual sessions, which aren't ideal - it's the social aspect and feeling their energy that motivates me! But we have made the best of it, and it has pushed me further out of my comfort zone while showing me new challenges to overcome.

Looking at the New Year, I can't say that my path is clearly set ahead of me - which after the challenges raised in 2020, I think we all share this period of unknown but yet are still hopeful and driven.  I feel so much stronger than I did just a few months ago and definitely better than just thirteen months ago.

Living fully in the present is the key and not an easy task for a personality that is always looking at what the next goal and improvement is going to be.  I have goals and missions, but taking things one day at a time and remaining open to possibilities is the best approach for me.  As one of my wonderful friends reminded me last week, most things in life are not "emergencies." I'm working on perspective... and I am grateful. Always, always grateful.

Reframe

This afternoon, I had an unexpected phone call from my doctor's office... which started conversations about my own perspective of my life.  

For those of you playing from home, yes, I got divorced last year, and yes, I am in a new relationship now... and I am working from home and still leading dance fitness classes and am living in my own little "empty nest." To say the past year has brought some change would not even begin to scratch the surface. 

I have endured loss, sadness and rejection,  but I have also enjoyed excitement, joy and possibilities.  Choosing to focus on what could be and having faith isn't always easy, especially when you spend long evenings with negative self-talk. It takes effort to pull that inner voice forward, hear it, respect it and tell it to shut the hell up. 

One of my greatest struggles has been Food. I have not been very inspired to cook for myself and I have let my lack of self care neglect my nutrition.  However, today's discussions with the doctor's office, my daughter and my boyfriend each reminded me of something important. When I started my new chapters in Austin, I was eager to cook for myself... because I could, not because I "had to." 

So I am shifting back, reframing, if you will, to my Cook, Clear and Connect. Food brings so much joy in life, and we all deserve to create that for ourselves- whether we have anyone to share it with or not. Regardless of my eating solo or with those I care about, nourishment keeps me alive and well... and that's the main requirement to #keepgoing. And my existence IS important to some people. I'm not done yet. 

4, 3, 2...

Another huge change... the countdown begins...
I'm downsizing even more, now into a one bedroom apartment as my daughter prepares to venture out on her own.

Two years and nine months in the two-bedroom unit, a lot has happened. Joy, sadness. Disappointments, achievements. Heartbreaks, love. Pool parties, quarantine. And my little girl turned 18, finished high school and is pursuing her dreams.

Mama Bird (thank you, Shelley, for the nickname) is moving up to her own solo "nest" and will need to learn to let go even more.

I've always had my own interests and goals while parenting, but this stage of life will be quite different. I'm grateful for all my friends and family as I do feel very alone, but I have me.

We never know what the future holds. I just told Hope last night that Plans are just illusions we create. As a certified Professional Event Planner, I did smile at hearing those words leave my lips. We create Plans as a sense of security knowing full well that we can't control any of the outcomes.
 
I think the word Prepare works better. Instead of trying to plan my future, I'm going to prepare myself for whatever is coming my way. That "work" comes from within, and with all the time I will be spending alone, I need to trust that I can provide what I need for myself.
 
4... 3... 2...

2020... WTH?

Wow. This calendar year has been far more f'd up than I had ever imagined.
 

Entering January, all trying to return to my love of Austin, my amazing, powerful, independent female friends and treasuring the last months of my daughter living with me, and what?!? Some guy in Asia eats a bat and everyone's world comes to a screeching halt.
   

My Happy Hours? Gone. My fitness center? Locked. My pool? Off limits. My fitness classes... honestly, the hardest part, stopped. 

  

But, my friends, we are not just victims. We throw a fit, and in my case a long verbal rant of profanity... and then, we ask, "so what can we do?"

  

After many suggestions and inquiries about me holding my SHiNE Dance Fitness, which is against policy as a conflict of interest, I CAN hold virtual classes for my existing groups. That led me to expanding my Zoom account and, as a result, I can host online Happy Hours. I have tried a few free online fitness classes to cross train, and I have returned to running outside, which kills and builds my calves, but it's temporary.
   

The hardest test is being without sunshine. I literally have nowhere to go to absorb my Vitamin D and happiness. My apartment is completely shaded and I am surrounded by Live Oaks. They are beautiful, but I moved here for the Sun.
   

It's the one, the largest obstacle I cannot overcome. So, I am doing my best to surrender and accept. The Summer of 2020, I will be pale and trapped indoors, but damn it, I'll still work out and have incredible friends and heal and believe in myself. Because when my greatest joy is stripped from my existence, I will find a way to survive by appreciating what I do have.
   

And so far, I've been kept safe from the Killer Hornets. Good God... I need a bigger fly swatter. As a problem solver, I'll need to get on Amazon stat and get ready for that.
  

Stay safe,y'all. Love you. Please let me know how you are coping. #strongertogether  Now, more than ever.

Using your Time

This quarantine has changed our lives. Our daily routines have been shut down. We all have restrictions on what we want to do and how we enjoy spending our time.

 

Before my fitness center and pool were taken off limits, I had planned to use the time at home to "reset" my goals and prioritize my time better. You know, get back to myself. Now being confined to my four walls, I am limited to fewer ways to get through this time.

 

So far, yes, we can still venture out to trails and parks... if someone could get Mother Nature to help us out a little, I would be completely indebted. This rain is another boundary to joy... like being entrapped in a big long "sick day" without being ill.

  

However, I am a Taurus. 100%. Am I able to remain in a sad fate of sadness? Sometimes I think so... but then I remember who I am. I'm not going to allow all these restrictions to take away my mission, and you shouldn't either.

 

We have no control over any of this. All we can do is be grateful for what we do have, trust the better days ahead and help one another. 

  

I want to encourage and inspire people. We will eventually get back into gyms (and conference rooms), and I will see my fitness fam again. I will continue to pursue public options for SHiNE in Austin/Texas (Have speaker, Will travel). Studying my ass off, I am determined to obtain certification as a Group Fitness Instructor. 

 

This time can be utilized to reflect on our lives. What have we been taking for granted? What have you been putting off that once bans are lifted you can do? Those "bucket lists"... reassess them. Who do you miss? Have you told them?

 

One life. It's all that we are aware that we have. Quarantine time... we fear the unknown. So let's focus on what we have right now, and look to how we can live our best and be our best once we're able to share time together. Changed. Hopefully improved.